Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I Have Not Given Up On My Blog

I swear I am not giving up, I have just had a week where I am preoccupied with other stuff.

I realize I have not posted my less than 30 minute recipe yet and really nothing else.

I have had this stupid, annoying rash around my mouth for 6 weeks now and nothing is making it go away. Then Sat. night, out of nowhere a couple of spots on my chest started bleeding. Freaked my shit out. I was sitting there checking email, I felt a tickle on my chest and came away with a handful of blood. WTF?!

It happened again last night, and this morning, so I finally made an appt. with a dermatologist.

They were able to squeeze me in this afternoon. I was able to farm out Mike to Auntie M. but I had to take Jake and Bekah to the appt.

But first this morning, I took all 3 kids to Jake's 2 year wellness check. It's confirmed, he is a tank. 75% height and 95% weight, he is built like a fireplug with a bowling ball for a head. My pediatrician started making noises like Jake should see a speech therapist. I rolled my eyes. My daughter started talking at 9 months old and hasn't stopped, but my boys don't start talking until after the age of 2. They are bright boys, but still more braun than brains at this point, and I am not sweating it at all!

I compromised, a follow-up in 3 months. I love my pediatrician, but he is way more academically focused than I am, so I take some of his advice with a grain of salt.

Before we left Jake had to get 1 vaccination and a T.B. test. Me and the nurse got Jake restrained as best we could to give him his injections. What amused me was that Mike was huddled in the corner shaking, while Bekah watched the entire process. I guess we can add one more doctor to the bunch.

After we did lunch, and some quiet time, Auntie M. picked up Mike and I roused Jake from his nap early and took him and his sister to my dermatology appointment

A brand new office in Danville. Everything freshly painted white. With brand new, gleaming equipment, glass table tops and potted plants. Ugh. Jake was not allowed out of the stroller and I had to keep picking up Bekah's dropped apple bits, pretzel crumbs and string cheese globs. She eats 24/7!

My diagnosis was....... no idea. I was prescribed 2 different creams and told to come back if it doesn't get better. She was nice, polite, absolutely beautiful, but not super helpful. My husband wants me to get a biopsy, I am not ready to go there yet. I am sure they are just zits.

I dropped off the scrips at my pharmacy and went back home. It was a stunning day so I filled our water table from the hose, and let Bekah and Jake get wet and wild, while I checked email on my laptop in a corner of my garden.

Auntie M. came over later with some alcohol, my monkey, and her 2 monkeys and we hung out a little. The pharmacy called me and said that one of the scrips was not approved by my insurance and was going to cost me $279! Uh, no. She was smart to call me first. Sigh, I will have to take care of that in the morning.

Shortly after that phone call, Jake slipped through the hole he tore in our screen door and dropped our cordless phone in the water table. If you wanna call us, try our cell phones first.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Measure C- Super Important For My Local Readers

Go here , sign petition, feel good because you give a shit about the kids in our community, have a beer.

Friday, March 27, 2009

G-d Bless California

At this present moment, 5:07pm, I am sitting in my backyard next to a Redwood tree, watching a woodpecker inspect the Oak tree in front of me and listening to a Red-Tailed Hawk screech off in the distance. I am drinking an icy beer and my kids are all happily playing by themselves. The only possible way this moment could get better is if my 2 year old would stop eating tanbark like they were potato chips and toddle off to get me another beer.

G-d Bless California.

Slain Oakland Police Officers

I was driving my youngest to Lafayette this morning for his Jewish monkey playgroup. As I was cruising on North 680 I noticed 2 firetrucks on the overpass with firemen standing at attention. That's curious. Then I saw it again on the next overpass. I quickly learned from listening to the news on KGO radio that the local fire stations had dispatched their trucks and firefighters to these overpasses to pay tribute to the 4 Oakland police officers that were murdered last weekend. Sigh.

I started off this morning so happy thinking of my brother, now home from Iraq, safe and sound. Seeing those firetrucks and then the funeral procession leaving Danville, where one of the officer's family lives, I got teary-eyed. I grabbed a clean diaper off the floor of my van and dabbed my eyes so I wouldn't have to pull over.

How sickening, how completely unfair, what a waste. Not a total waste because one of the officers, John Hege, did donate organs and tissue, saving the lives of 4 other men.

In situations like this I would also feel sad for the family of the murderer, because they also lost a son. Uhm, no. Lovelle Mixon's family is pointing fingers at their brother's parole officer who allegedly missed appointments with his client. So it's the parole officer's fault Mixon shot and killed 4 police officers with a semi-automatic weapon? These people are scum.

Even more shocking than blaming a parole officer for a criminal's behavior is that some residents of Oakland are labeling the murder of these officers, vengence for the murder of Oscar Grant. I will tell you right now that when that BART officer shot Oscar Grant, a handcuffed black man laying on his stomach, he committed a crime. Nothing in his police training would have ever taught him to do that. I am not sure if it was evil, but it was stupid, careless and criminally negligent. But to tie-in that tragic incident with this new tragic incident ,and to somehow make Lovelle Mixon a hero for avenging the death of Oscar Grant is despicable!

Lovelle Mixon was not just a guy who didn't pay his speeding tickets. He was on parole for assault with a deadly weapon and he had just been tied, by DNA evidence, to the rape of a 12 year old girl. Disgusting.

I really hope this horrible event brings the good people of Oakland together to promote positive change. I really hope my brother does not have to go back to Iraq. I really hope that the next time I see a bunch of tall, gorgeous, firefighters standing on a freeway overpass, they all have their shirts off.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

My Symbols Continued

Here are the symbols I was trying to come up with earlier before I was rudely interrupted by the needs of my children. If you need a reminder I needed the following to represent myself, the real me:

1 picture
1 poem
1 song or piece of music
1 phrase or quote
1 item of clothing
1 place
1 Disney princess

I have always been enchanted by this painting. Lady Shalott, by Waterhouse. Maybe obsessed is a better word. Isn't she beautiful? What an ornate boat. Why are her gorgeous, embroidered quilts trailing in the water? Why does she have 3 candles, one of them still lit, when it's daytime? Here is a brief explanation of this painting but it doesn't fully clear things up. Unfortunately it sounds like she is suicidal.

"This painting is based on Arthurian legend, and the poem of the same name by the nineteenth century English poet, Lord Tennyson. The Lady of Shalott was supposed to have dwelt in a tower, alone and unseen, on an island in the river that flowed down to King Arthur's Camelot. An excerpt from the poem can be found below:

'... And down the river's dim expanse
Like some bold seer in a trance,
Seeing all his own mischance -
With a glassy countenance
Did she look to Camelot.
And at the closing of the day
She loosed the chain, and down she lay;
The broad stream bore her away,

The Lady of Shalott.' by Alfred, Lord Tennyson (1809-1892)"

Poems are not my bag. Here is something from my other blog. Obviously I didn't write this, it's an old kiddie rhyme from a Mother Goose book that I have. I just find it fascinating and I tied into Sarah Palin.

Ok so a song. I am going to tell you why I am not putting the video from YouTube in here. Seems like that would make sense right? Remember back in the day when we had actual answering machines with tape cassettes in them? I put this song on my outgoing message. I never got so much hate voicemail in my entire life. More than half of my friends and family, were like, ".. you need to change that message or I am going to kill you." They would call me, hear this song, and then couldn't get it out of their heads for the rest of the day! What song you ask? Paul Simon's, Still Crazy After All These Years. I will write the first line, which really sums me up. I have changed the pronouns. Please don't hate me if you can't shake the tune.

" I met my old lover on the street last night, he seemed so glad to see me, I just smiled,
we talked about some old times, and drank ourselves some beers, still crazy after all these years."

Hmmmm a phrase or quote............"I lost my virginity, but I still have the box it came in." I saw that on a bumper sticker that was on a lesbian's refridgerator. Always cracked me up.

I couldn't think of a creative piece of clothing, so I just went for funny. How about some crotchless panties?

I need me some Vegas right now. Vegas has it all. Gambling, drinking, awesome food, shows, spas, laying out by the pool, and shopping.

I am not really a Disney Princess. They are all white chicks, except Pocahontas and the chick in Aladin. Yes I am a white chick too, but I am not a cookie cutter looking white chick and I certainly don't have white chick hair. I think I am more of a Heavy Metal Cover chick. More so before having 3 kids.

My Symbols

I got this idea from this cool chick over at DrollGirl . She called it Tagging Your Heart and I am calling it My Symbols. You have to find things that represent the real you:

1 picture
1 poem
1 song or piece of music
1 phrase or quote
1 item of clothing
1 place

1 Disney princess

Shit, kids are getting restless I will finish this after bedtime. I can do this during my boyfriend's speech, I mean Obama.

Give it some thought for yourself, what symbols would you use?

Monday, March 23, 2009

Weekly < 30 minute Recipe #10

I have been making this for years and a mom that used to be in my old mom's club asked for the recipe. After serving it 3 nights in a row her husband finally made her stop. It's good.

Curried Chicken Salad

2 cups diced rotisserie chicken breast
1/4 cup diced green onion
1 cup green seedless grapes cut in half
or 1 cup diced green apple
1/4 cup mayonnaise
3/4 cup plain non-fat yogurt
2 tablespoons Mango Chutney
1/2 to 1 teaspoon curry powder (to taste some people like curry more than others)
as much lettuce as you want, Romaine is good
salt and pepper to taste
dashes of Tabasco to taste

Dice your chicken, apple and/or grapes, onions. Mix all ingredients together, serve over lettuce.
1/2 cup serving of chicken salad is 5.5 points, if you use both apples and grapes it's 6 points for a 1/2 serving. Remember lettuce is zero points.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Harnesses for Kids

Remember growing up in the 70's and 80's and you would see a kid on a leash and you would stare with your mouth wide open? Your mom or dad might grumble, and surely somebody in the crowd would say something like, "....leashes are for dogs not kids.".

Those days are receding into the past. I am seeing more and more of those "safety harnesses" for kids when we go out in public. I would never say anything to another parent but it does make me uncomfortable. I just don't think it's right.

What is even worse is that in my son Michael's 4.5 years of life, I have had 14 different people recommend a harness for him! These were not trained medical professionals. These were well-meaning, and some not so well-meaning strangers. I just can't bring myself to put a leash on my kid, even calling it a safety harness doesn't make me feel better about using it. Part of being a mother means you occasionally have to break into a sprint to save your child from impending doom. My fat butt can certainly use the exercise.

Recently Erik and I were out with our herd at a St. Patrick's Day Fair. I saw a cute little girl on a teddy bear leash. Erik and I rolled our eyes at each other but didn't say anything out loud, mostly since I didn't want our kids to notice this little girl and say something rude. She was with her mother, and I started thinking well maybe her mom is here alone and maybe this girl is hearing disabled. Nope. Her father showed up with some tickets for the rides and starts talking to his daughter and she can hear fine. Two parents, one kid and you need a harness?!!!

Now I am sure you are thinking, wait a second you hypocrite, I thought you were all for a parent's right to choose. I am! I am not saying you can't leash your child, I am just saying I am very uncomfortable with the idea.

Here are the reasons I think putting a safety harness on a child would be acceptable:

1. Your child has a disability that puts him/her in danger. Obviously that makes sense.

2. You are in dangerous situation and you are parenting alone. An airport, a war zone, a ferry boat, a stampede etc.

That's it, I can only come up with two. Am I missing some obvious ones?

These are the reasons I can't bring myself to harness my children:

1. Have you ever tried to put a leash on a cat? Or ever see a video where they stick that lasso around an alligator's neck? Both feline and reptile lose their freaking minds when you do that! I am positive that is exactly what would happen if I tried to harness my childrens' energy. My daughter not so much, but my sons would rip my arm out of it's socket.

2. I would abuse it. Yep I am ashamed to admit that the urge to tie them to my side view mirror and go for a drive would be way too tempting. Or string them from the slide at the park and leave. OK, OK I wouldn't do that. But why set myself up to even think about it?

3. You breed 'em, you feed 'em. Or something like that. It's my fault I have 3 kids so I need to suck it up and teach them how to behave in public so that they don't need a leash. If you and your significant other together can't handle one typically developing child in public without putting a harness on them.................

4. It just doesn't look right. I realize that sounds stupid but hear me out. In other cultures grown men hold hands. In America grown men do not hold hands. If I see 2 gay men holding hands I don't even flinch, if I see 2 grown men from a culture where it's acceptable to hold hands I could care less, but if I see 2 straight American men hold hands...........it just doesn't look right. Unless they are deep in prayer or pulling each other off the gym/bar floor. I am not used to seeing it, and I know that's not a great reason, but it is a factor when it comes to my feelings about harnessed kids.

I am surely not alone in this am I?

Saturday, March 21, 2009


This is for my neighbors. Did anyone hear that jet? A little after 1pm Sat. March 21st I heard a very loud, fast jet fly over my house and it even shook my bathroom windows a little. It is overcast today so I couldn't see anything in the sky. Erik is at the gym with the kids so I have no witnesses. This was not a passenger jet, those fly over my house all of the time and they are much slower and not as loud.

I hope somebody else heard this so I don't look like an paranoid idiot.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Things On My Mind

So there has to be 3 things on a magazine cover for me to buy it off the shelf: Britney Spears before she was medicated, Octomom, or anything to the with the FLDS. That is the Fundamental Latter Day Saints (Mormons with tons of wives and kids). When I saw them in their prairie dresses on the cover of a People magazine, I snatched it right up.

I was super excited to read about them and was all ready to be outraged and disgusted. Instead I found myself agreeing with some of their opinions. Shocking isn't it?

I realize that the FLDS handpicked 3 families to be interviewed so I am sure they are the families most likely to toe the line. But I really couldn't disagree too much with what was being said by the moms in this article.

Remember that raid on that huge FLDS compound? I totally supported that raid because they were going after parents who allowed their underage daughters to be married off. I am not talking 17 year old girls, I am talking 12 year old girls. Disgusting. Out of 439 children that were removed, 12 of them were found to have been married off between the ages of 12 and 15 and the husbands' trials will start in October. But all of the children, except 2, of been cleared to return to the ranch because everyone got re-educated. I truly hope that is the case.

So the parts I found myself agreeing with the FLDS moms had to do with diet, chores and family time. They quoted one mom as saying that she makes homemade rolls because store-bought rolls are "laundry bread" with the healthy parts washed away. I buy store-bought bread but you can't really fault a mom for feeding her kids whole grains. The children on this ranch milk cows and pitch in with the recycling and other household chores.......from the tone of this article you would think these kids were putting on hot tar roofs in the summer. My kids help bring groceries in from the car and help me sort laundry and "make" their beds. My kids are 2, 3 and 4 years old so they aren't that useful yet but I believe kids should do chores too and I don't wear a prairie dress.

This one mom also talked about how her daughter was exposed to an unmarried pregnant woman at the shelter, where they stayed after the raid. Now I know that surprise pregnancies happen to the best of us, but I have never met a single mom who really wanted to do child-rearing all by herself. Can we all just agree that having 2 parents is best? I don't care if it's 2 dads, 2 moms or an unwed couple. But it sure is a lot easier to parent with 2 adults instead of just one. Anyways, I wasn't as disgusted and enraged as I thought I was going to be.

Another thought that has been poking my frontal lobes this last week has to do with my oldest. Mike is 4.5 years old and is in Pre-K. This is Mike's 3rd preschool because he was on the verge of getting kicked out of the other 2 before I finally yanked him out and found a perfect fit for him. In his classroom there are 6 boys and 2 staff. And even though Mike is a lot more successful at this school, he is still a very demanding, high energy boy.

So my son is a case study. His lead teacher, Miss G. ,is working on her master's in education (or child development) and she is using Mike has her case study. She asked my permission, and I agreed, because I want to use the tips she will find in her research to help with his behavior at home. So I am grateful for that, but of course there is a part of me that is like great my son is a fucking case study.

Then Miss G. tells me after she presented Mike to her class, her fellow students start ripping on her and making her cry. WTF?! She told me that they believe the school is too rough on him and that maybe he has attachment issues. That is outrageous!

Let me tell you why they are wrong. After Mike's first unsuccessful preschool episode I took him to our pediatrician for an assesment. I actually believed the bullshit they were feeding me about Michael being hard of hearing, possibly autistic, only a 4 word vocabulary, etc. etc. My pediatrician rolled his eyes but agreed that responsible parents follow through with concerns like this, and since assesment is free through our school district then why not? Guess what? There is nothing wrong with Mike.

The 2 child behaviourists spent an hour with him and they said the only thing wrong was that they now needed a nap and they thought I was amazing. I was 7 months pregnant with Bekah at the time and they couldn't believe I was still standing. The diagnosis; a very energetic boy who would rather play than sit in a circle or do schoolwork.

So now Miss G. has made him her case study and they are not too hard on him and he does not have attachment issues! Mike needs rigid structure. External control for internal chaos, and me and the school are on the same page with this issue.

Attachment issues? Are you shitting me? I realize that there is a need to label Mike with something because then you will have a set method to deal with a set problem. Mike is very attached to friends and family. He has 2 parents at home, a large and super involved extended family,and a loving babysitter. I want to go to Miss G.'s class and set these people straight but obviously that would be inappropriate. The only label that really fits my son is, spazz.

Have you heard of Freecycle? It's a Yahoo! group where you can get free stuff, and get rid of your stuff. This week I swapped with another mom through freecycle. She took a bunch of Bekah's shoes and clothes and I got a DVD player that had only been used once. Sweet! Our old DVD player in the kids' rec room died after Mike gnawed through the cords (see paragraph above for the reason why). So Erik and I told Mike don't you dare do that again because it's not safe and that's not how you treat your belongings. We told him he would get electrocuted and asked him if he knew what that meant. He said, "That's when you light up, start shaking and get all bony.". Sounds like he has been watching too much Tom and Jerry.

I am sure by now you have heard of that woman who got attacked by her friend's 200 lb. chimp? I was watching the news and her current health status is that she has lost both of her hands, her eyelids, her nose and her lips and may be blind and have brain damage. They are keeping her in a medically induced coma so she can heal. It was announced this week that her family is going to sue the now dead chimp's owner. They are suing for $50 million, and I don't think that is enough. What a horrible story.

For anyone reading this for the first time I will inform you that I live in the East San Francisco Bay Area. The weather this week has been spectacular! Sunny and warm and trees are blooming. But my daughter got an ear infection and we have all been stuck inside, arrgh! After the ear infection she got some horrible diarrhea from the antibiotics, ugh! But now she is all better and it's gorgeous outside still so we will have one day to enjoy this weather before it rains again tommorrow. Beer drinking in the backyard is on my agenda for this evening, how about you?

American Idol

Newsflash on why Adam Lambert wears so much orange make-up....he is ashamed of his freckles. I was perusing a People mag and he was a cute kid with freckles and now he cakes on the make-up and dyes his hair black. What an idiot.

I don't like country but I don't hate it. Dolly, Loretta Young, Johnny Cash, etc. now that's decent country.

Randy Travis looks like the Planter's Peanut Guy.

I am proud of Lil for giving it a go, because she was obvioulsy out of her element.

Randy Travis was quite obviously uncomfortable with Adam's flamboyance. And too bad AI is such a family show because Adam looks like he would be quite at home in assless chaps. I hope after this painfully hideous version of Ring Of Fire that Johnny Cash does a zombie move, rises from his grave, and sucks Adam's brains out.

Adam is sooo not NIN, what is Randy thinking?

Wow blind guy almost put me to sleep that was hellaciously boring. I like it when Randy and Simon give each other looks behind Paula's back. You know they talk shit about how many pills she pops before each show.

I thought single mom did an awesome job singing Jolene! That is a great song. Dolly is a much better song writer than singer.

That Danny guy should not have sang Carrie Underwood. He always picks overly dramatic songs.

I am definitely watching the Daisy Rock of Love show they had a preview for it on last night. That is my kind of t.v.

I love Anoop, he sang that better than Willie.

So why does that chick with the sleeve tattoo always put her hand on her hip? It makes her look like she is going to start singing, "I'm a little teapot.". She is super cute but she needs to branch out some more and I love how she was coughing for pity.

AI is starting to pick up a little this week. Let's see who they shitcan tonight.

Dinner with my Chicas

Now that St. Patty's Day is over I changed my header from naked Leprechaun baby to the menu from a recent dinner out with my chicas. One of my Pam friends (I know more than one Pam) had the restaurant put the name of our club on the menu when she made the reservations. Very cute!

N.E.O. Mamas came about after I blew up our other mom's club and we wanted to hang out with each other but not other women who were too easily offended. Hence the name Not Easily Offended Mamas, N.E.O. Mamas.

The way the economy is now though our next group dinner will be at McDonald's.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Johnny Cash and June sing Ring of Fire

Ok so that dude on American Idol tonight had no right on G-d's green earth singing Ring Of Fire. That's just wrong.

I am not opposed to different versions of this song, but on general principle just don't fuck it up. That's all I ask.

And Joaquin Phoenix was super yummy in this movie what happened to him lately? Reese did June well. Just like Sissy did for Loretta.

The White Stripes - Jolene

Uhm.....seriously. This song was on American Idol tonight and that chick Alexis did a good job, I cannot lie.

But let's split up credit. Dolly Parton is an excellent song writer, lyricist, whatever you want to call her. But when Dolly sings this song I only focus on her hair/boobs/camel toe. But when The White Stripes or almost anyone else sing this song, I am like, "Holy Shit, this is a great song!".

Monday, March 16, 2009

Weekly < 30 minute Recipe #10

What is an Irish 7 course meal?

A 6-pack and a potato.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! I am sorry but I couldn't come up with a suitable less than 30 minutes recipe that represents my Irish heritage. Corned beef and cabbage, any potato casseroles and even beer bread takes longer than 30 minutes. So I have come up with a very lazy menu for St. Patrick's Day.

1 potato
1-1 inch cube of white extra sharp cheddar cheese
3 tsps. butter
2 Tbs of a grainy brown mustard
1 Guinness/ Bass etc.

Scrub and rinse potato, poke holes in it with a fork. "Bake" in microwave at least 5 minutes. Split open and add cheese and butter and nuke again until melted. Add mustard, pop open a beer and grub down.

Potato= 3 points
Cheese= 3 points
Butter= 3 points
Mustard= 0 points
Dark beer= 3 points

12 points! Damn no wonder everyone in my family has heart disease and diabetes!!

Sunday, March 15, 2009

A Voyeuristic Look at the Author's House

Do you like how I call myself an author? I am rather full of myself.

I can't remember what blog I am stealing this idea from so hopefully I won't get sued. I thought this was a really interesting idea. Give people an idea of how you live. A heavily censored idea of how I live. I am obviously not going to show you the Hot Wheels tire marks on the walls, the stains on the carpet, my disastorous closet, etc. etc.

Below is my laptop, which sits on my couch, which is why it seems like I am always online.

My husband's Aunt made this mirror. She makes beautiful mosaics.

This is the story of my life right here. The never-ending laundry.

This is the "wreck room" and this is spotless for this room.

My husband won't go in here, he says it gives him the hives.

This is the favorite part of my house. This ancient Oak tree is it's own eco-system. Birds and squirrels are all over it all day and I have seen at the base of it's trunk; coyote, deer, wild pig and raccoons. If anything ever happens to this tree I would be devastated.

It was mostly crappy and rainy today so I went on a baking frenzy. I made 3 loaves of bread, these 2 white loaves and a tasty beer bread loaf that I made with a Samuel Adams Honey-Porter. I split open the top, poured on melted butter and baked it for 10 more minutes, yes it does taste insanely good.

The Chron, that's my paper. The Sunday version being the best. Unfortunately they may close down just like other newspapers through the United States.

Here is our piano that nobody plays. It's missing several black keys because that's what happens when you drive a Hot Wheels monster truck across a piano. I will eventually have it repaired and tuned and make somebody take lessons. In the meantime, the lid stays closed. See that gold statue? My husband got that as an award for a public television show that he did. He's so cute.

This is Bekah's kitchen. All 3 kids play with it but Bekah plays with it the most.

Here is the stairs and gate number one. That gate is to keep them from sneaking upstairs.

Here is the view from the top of the stairs and gate number two. This is the gate that keeps them from tumbling down on their noggins. And this view gives you a better idea of the messes we deal with on a daily basis.

This is what we call the maxium security wing for violent offenders. Just kidding. It's where the 3 monkeys reside and this 3rd gate mostly keeps them from harassing us in the middle of the night.

Bekah's bedroom and her butterflies. She has about 5 butterflies hanging from her ceiling and her room is so girly I love it.

Her bedroom makes me really happy.

The boys share a room and it's all Spongebob Squarepants. I love that cartoon and I love those colors.

Here is my unmade bed. I won't even show you my trainwreck of a desk and disastorous walk-in closet.

This is the bath in my bathroom that looks so clean because it never gets used. See that naked figurine? My Grandma painted that.

This is the creek behind our house. You can only see it from our upstairs bedroom window. You can see it from our backyard if it's really high but since we are in a state of emergency because of our drought that hasn't happened lately.

I hope you enjoyed this tour. I am now going to watch a Tivo'ed episode of The Office.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Bong Hits For Cookie Monster and Elmo

Ok I know I am totally immature and have a juvenile sense of humor. But this toy sounds like Cookie Monster and Elmo are sitting around taking bong hits. Play it for yourself and tell me if I am wrong.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Measure C- Super Important For My Local Readers

Hey everyone who is local really needs to read below. And make sure you are registered to vote. A friend sent this to me this morning and her husband got a pink slip yesterday. He is a teacher. My friend is also pregnant and only works part-time herself as a teacher, so you can imagine their anxiety. Please pass it on to anyone you know that lives in the district:

"For those who don’t know, almost 200 FTE (full time equivalent) teachers in the San Ramon Valley School District were given preliminary pink slips this week, including my husband. At this point, nearly all science specialists are being cut at the elementary level. He may be high enough to “bump” a middle or high school teacher, but at this point we don’t know. The elementary schools seems to be getting hit disproportionally high in my opinion. My school has at least 9 people I know of that got pink slips either last week or today. I have heard that Gale Ranch Middle School (which opened this year) only has 3 people who aren’t getting them because their staff is so new. I would bet Live Oak is in the same position.

We have to get this passed. . . . . .

You can sign up on the website to get updates, volunteer, get a yard sign, etc.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~

Yes on C Supporter Update - March 11, 2009~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~

Please take a moment to invite your friends and other supporters by forwarding this message and asking them to join the Measure C supporter email list by clicking on the blue button below. With each passing week, we feel the excitement building. People are talking about this campaign. They want to know how we are doing. They want to know what they can do to help. The answers are simple... "We are doing great!" and "The best way to help is to volunteer for phone banks, volunteer to walk precincts, or volunteer in the office." As a matter of fact, we are doing so well that we have already identified over 7,800 yes votes in the first 8 nights of phone banks. That is simply amazing! Congratulations to all of those who have made calls. Your hard work is paying off.

Precinct Walks: Our first precinct walk is coming up the weekend of March 28 and 29. Volunteers will gather at each of the 4 comprehensive high schools for rallies at 9:30 Saturday morning to get "fired up" and pick up packets.

Campaign buttons are on the way. They have been ordered and we expect delivery by next week. Buttons are a terrific way to don your support for this measure. We'll let you know next week how and where to get one.

Yard signs are coming soon. They are going to be terrific. If you wish to have a yard sign in your yard, please let us know by clicking the Update Profile link in the footer to this message and select "Display a yard sign" as one of your interests. The sooner you do this the better! When others join the list, they may do the same. We especially want signs in highly visible yards and those near school sites. We expect to deliver signs in a little over 2 weeks or have them available for pick up. Volunteers will be needed to help assemble the signs as well as deliver them. More on that next week.

Every vote and every dollar counts! A full campaign budget is essential to passing Measure C - and we need your help. Donations of any amount, big or small, can be made by visiting our website. The direct link to the donate page is http://www.srvprote ctourschools. net/donate. asp. We know that times are hard. We would be very grateful for any and all that you can afford to give. Remember our simple message: Measure C provides a stable, local funding source for our schools. These funds will:
Retain qualified and experienced teachers
Prepare students for college and careers in a global economy
Maintain strong math, science and literacy programs

It will take all of us working together to pass this vital funding measure. Thank you for your support!

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Quick Links...
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Measure C website: www.SRVProtectOurSc hools.net
San Ramon Valley Unified School District website: www.srvusd.net

Contact Information
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phone: (925) 328-1968
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Citizens for Quality Schools 2694 Bishop Dr., Suite 122 San Ramon CA 94583

Thanks Everyone, Charlotte!!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

More American Idol Critique

This is basically my American Idol comments left on another blog, copied and then pasted onto my own blog. This chick is really funny and does a live AI commentary.

You got me hooked. So here I am again. It's Tuesday night so I am a tad bit more sober than I would be on a Friday night. But when it comes to AI I believe me and you share a brain.

Michael Jackson......is that king of pop or pedophiles. He's 50 years old now you know.

So do I love Anoop because I grew up in the bay area with lots of Indians? He can shit on stage and it would make me smile. Anoop Dog. My first born's teacher is old school and when she talks about Native Americans (like at Thanksgiving) she knows she is supposed to call them that but she gets confused so she says Native American Indians.

Honestly I was kind of into the junk in your trunk look on Lil Rounds. I have a theory; she is a mother of 3 and I am a mother of 3, so I think she is wearing white pants on the show because she knows damn well that if she wore white pants at home somebody is going to wipe boogers on them.

Paula is even more loaded than usual.

LOL, P.Y.T. is one of my fave songs too (by Michael Jackson). The last part of the song was better than the first too. He's good but Jesus Freaks turn me off too.

Roughneck dude is just what this country needs in these hard economic times. Total propaganda. Cute kids though.

Jasmine may be a tranny but her eyelashes alone are more feminine than my whole body.

That marriage ain't going to last. That Kris Allen guy is going to fuck the first groupie to come on to him.

My husband almost shit his pants laughing that she sang at a Mexican Ikea. I will have to say she is my fave though. I love her "smoky" voice.

Hey Chica, I think they scrambled West coast/East coast singers because I got Anoop Dog earlier in the mix.

Jorge still has one eyebrow it's just thinner.

Rockin Robin.......seriously? WTF is she thinking? She is cute as the dickens but tonight she sucked dick.

Did I not tell you that Paula runs a blow dryer over her Oxycontin patch during the commercials?

I am not sure if you or me hate Adam more? I believe you are right, he is a cockroach and he is going to hang out way longer than he should.

I love Matt too!! The scarf can be too Yasir Arafat for me but I like him.

Alexis did awesome!!!! Her little shorts jumper was so Blondie circa 1978, very cute. Very naughty song and her daughter was super cute too.Why are they changing the rules? I am not smart enough to keep up with this.

Recession Proof Jobs

Being a doctor is not a recession proof job. That's what my husband does for a living and people always get sick right? True, but when they lose their jobs they lose their health insurance. And if people don't have health insurance they don't go see their family practice physician. They wait until they are really, really sick and then they go to the emergency room.

Usually at this time of year people are starting to suffer from seasonal allergies and our business is booming. Not this year. I took the boys to see daddy at his office this morning and it was empty. Just my husband and his 2 staff and the overhead meter is ticking away. This was 10:30 in the morning. Have you ever seen a doctor's office that was empty at 10:30 in the morning? There was a fucking tumbleweed blowing down the hallway.

Now when I use my credit card I get a hot, prickly feeling in my armpits. You know that feeling? It's the one you get right before you break into a cold sweat.

We are now upside down with our mortgage. A few months ago I would have been ashamed to admit that, but now it's downright trendy.

And today I heard of another friend losing a job! Dude! This isn't good.

Yesterday I was watching MSNBC while folding the never ending pile of laundry and the anchorwoman was interviewing a man from the Sacramento Tent City. I am sure you have heard of this, either from Oprah or some other news source. So they trotted this guy out for an interview, and he wasn't your random drug addicted homeless guy. This was a man laid-off from a construction job who is now living in a tent and using public transportation to look for work. A decent respectable guy who looks like one of my Uncles. And this is the part that killed me, the anchorwoman, after cutting him off in mid-sentence said, "Well the stock market is up today.". WTF?! This poor guy is living in a tent by the river and probably shitting in a bucket and you tell him about the stock market?! Un-fucking-believable. This gentleman just politely chuckled.

Ok here is the cherry on top..........my husband just got home from work at 3:15 in the afternoon and said he saw, drumroll please,....... 3 patients today. One patient in the office and 2 of his elderly patients in their nursing home. Last year he was seeing 25 or more patients a day.

My poor husband slumped in here and asked if he could go upstairs lay down. Of course!! If my kids weren't awake right now I would go up there and give him a beer and a blowjob.

Hmmmm blowjobs............sounds like a new career for me.

Monday, March 9, 2009

American Idol

So I was reading this chick's blog and she had a post about American Idol and I totally abused the comment section to comment on her post. So I copied it and put it on my blog.

Charlotte has left a new comment on the post "American Idol live blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!":

Ok I ended up on your blog because of your comment on Adam Lambert on Droll girl's blog. I was shocked because I thought he was here to ruin my life not yours. His pegged pants make me want to cry and don't get me started on the hair and makeup.

I need to comment on your American Idol live feed but I have severe concentration problems (3 beers) so I actually had to open your blog in two different tabs. Now I can read it and comment. I don't know you so I don't know why I am explaining this to you. (3 beers)

Is Alex the guy that looks like he is 12?

Ok look straight people should not sing Abba or Tracy Chapman. Where I live, S.F. Bay Area, you could get strung up for that shit.

During commercials Paula runs a blow dryer over her Oxycontin patch. It's so pretty how the lights shine in her glassy eyes. You ever notice towards the end of the show when she blinks she has a hell of a time opening her eyes again. I really want some of that, whatever it is.

I don't care how gay you are, men should not wear headbands. His grandma needs 2 seats but G-d bless her.

Felicia and Lil Rounds were the best of the night I thought. Seriously.

I agree that if you are blind people should not let you look like an asshole. I have curly hair like him, he needs some Bumble and Bumble Curl Conscious Creme. I was really angry that they didn't make him dance! Did you notice that? When they did that whole group song at the beginning (which always sucks, thank G-d for Tivo) they were sitting, so as not to have to make him dance. Give the guy a chance at least! And I won't lie, it would be as entertaining as hell.

That chick whose dad did an alligator dance..........he needs to be on the show or I at least want to party with him.

Jorge has one eyebrow.

I apologize for abusing your comment section but I haven't had a chance to talk shit about American Idol all week with anyone. Thanks for the release.

Weekly < 30 minute Recipe #9

So in honor of the Jewish Holiday of Purim which begins tonight at sundown, I am offering a cookie recipe. Hamantaschen are a 3 cornered cookie with a fruit filling. The shape of the cookie is to represent Haman's hat. Haman is an asshole who gets defeated. These cookies can be labor intensive so in light of a less than 30 minute recipe I am going to use refridgerator dough.


Pillsbury sugar cookie dough from fridge section
Your favorite jam (I like strawberry or blackberry)
drinking glass, rim dipped in flour

Preheat oven roll out sugar cookie dough, cut circles with a large drinking glass with rim dipped in flour. Put 1 Tbs. of favorite jam in center of circle and pinch 3 corners together. Bake according to package.

Weight Watchers points are 5 pts. for 2 cookies. Each cookie is 1.5 points and 1 Tbs. of jam (any flavor) is 1 point.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Last Night

Jeez I was such a grump last night. Sorry about that. I drank a bunch of Diet Coke at dinner and then was wired and grumpy because I couldn't sleep. I would usually drink beer with dinner on a Friday night but we took the kids to temple and I volunteered to drive so I chose soda. And just for the record I prefer Diet Pepsi if I am forced to drink a non-alcoholic drink.

Temple was cute last night and my children weren't the worst behaved. It was a kid centered service or else I wouldn't have bothered bringing a 2, 3 and 4 year old. It's nice too that my Aunt-In-Law is one of the Rabbis. So she would be my kids' Great-Aunt even though she looks way too young to be a Great-Aunt. I always think of one of my Great-Aunts with beehive hair and a Virginia Slims hanging off her lips. But my kids' Great-Aunt was one of the first female Rabbis in the United States and is cute and hip too.

After the service there was root beer floats, cookies, fruit, dancing, games, arts and crafts...............for my kids this is the equivalent of me and my husband being let loose in Las Vegas with money to burn. Mike, Bekah and Jake were having a blast but Erik and I were a little anxious. They kept running off and we kept losing them. I hate that. It's safer to lose them at Temple than at the mall but what if they slipped out a door and into the parking lot? That freaks me out. Thankfully I dress my kids in white, orange and yellow so I can find them fast. I actually hate the colors orange and yellow but my kids have olive skin so it looks good on them and I can find them quickly in a crowd.

It was really cute watching Bekah and Jake dance. And Mike makes new friends so easily, that makes me so proud of him.

I was going to hit the gym this morning but yesterday after I got my Fu Manchu waxed off, I let Jake sleep on top of me for 2 hours. And Bekah snoozed on me for half of those 2 hours. I could have moved them to their beds but it was so warm and cuddly. My point is that my house cleaning suffered greatly as I sat on the couch for 2 hours with 2 toddlers. I gotta bust a move in here because Mike has a birthday party at SuperFranks and then my hot husband and I have a couple's night out with my new and improved mom's club. We are going to Bing's and I can't wait!!!!!!!

Friday, March 6, 2009

Damn Toadies

So I go and waste my last 3 brain cells uploading a youtube vid on my blog and posting commentary and then blam! copyright shit. If you wanna know what the hell I am talking about go to You Tube and look up Toadies and Possum Kingdom. Fuckers.

The Toadies - Possum Kingdom

Ok so this is what nerdy married couples do. I have my laptop open reading emails and other blogs. My man Erik has his laptop open to music sites and is playing his guitar. 1/2 the time I tune him out but then he will play a song I really like. So this Toadies one hit wonder song comes on. I love this song.

It came out when I lived in Houston. A super shitty town and a super shitty part of my life. But a great song. And I was always under the impression from the lyrics that it was about vampires and the lake was Lake Pontchartrain in New Orleans. I had this romantic visual in my head that I thought about as I drove around stinky Houston listening to that song.

So I go to the infamous Youtube and find that song and then read all the comments. Damn. It's not about vampires and New Orleans. It's about a serial murder and rapist. That sucks. Makes sense why that is their only hit. Fuckers.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Stevie Wonder - Superstition live on Sesame Street

Oh shit, you never know what you are going to find on You tube. I went looking for Superstion by Stevie Wonder because some random white guy was singing it on American Idol. And you know what damn't ? The guy did not suck.

So I go to You tube looking for Superstion and I find it. But not only do I find it, but I find an almost 7 minute version of the song...............played on Sesame Street. My husband and I are cracking up! It was way back in 1973 when Sesame Street could do whatever the hell they wanted. So Stevie Wonder and all his dudes are having a Grateful Dead extended jam session on Sesame Street, playing one of the most bad ass songs ever.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Things on my Mind

1. Nadya Suleman bugs the shit out of me. I can't get her out of my head. I was the same way with Brittany Spears when she was going through her nut job phase, but I had a ton of compassion for Brittany. I have no compassion for Nadya. For her 14 kids I have a ton of compassion, and concern.

The link above brings you to an article about the release of a 9-1-1 tape of Nadya frantically callling the police to look for her missing 5 year old son. Ok losing a kid sucks I will give her that. But on the tape she goes on and on about how she is going to kill herself, until the dispatcher rightly so, tells her to stop saying that in front of her other children. And Nadya is now quoted as saying she doesn't remember saying that about killing herself, and that she was just hormonal from the pregnancy with the octuplets.

I am telling you she can't do this by herself. And I know this for a fact because it's taken me 45 minutes just to write these 2 and a half paragraphs. I actually type pretty fast and Jake is napping, but both Bekah and Mike had to poo at the same time. Mike sprinted to the downstairs bathroom first so I had to escort Bekah upstairs to my bathroom and once I got her seated I hustled back downstairs to wipe Mike's butt. Then back upstairs to do the same for Bekah's tushy. As well as all the handwashing etc. etc. So does Nadya have 14 toilets in her house?

Two kids needing to use the toilet at the same time is really not a stressful issue. When I say Nadya can't do this by herself I mean all the other stuff and I mean all day long. And I know this for a fact.

2. So this is where I have to talk about feelings and hypocrisy. Unfortunately, my feelings and my hypocrisy. Last month I wrote about hearing of a local mom who committed suicide. I wrote about how it's important to reach out to others when we need help. But I am a big fat hypocrite because I didn't do that.

When I went to wean my youngest, Jake, from breast-feeding I suffered from post-partum depression. I was so lucky to not have gone through it before and really didn't know what was wrong with me. We had also just moved into a new house and I didn't have any help during the day with caring for the kids and unpacking, and I was beyond stressed out. Now I did share with others that I was stressed out but I usually talk about my feelings in a humorous way and downplay everything. So nobody knew that when Erik would go to round on his patients on the weekend, he would come home to find me in uncontrollable tears.

My children were never in any harm because I turned my anger and depression on myself and eventually, after a couple of months it all went away. But now 18 months down the road I realize that A) I was a complete coward for not seeking help. and B) It's only by luck that this period didn't last longer and ended up being detrimental for my kids. For which I would never forgive myself if that had happened.

Ok I don't necessarily feel better for admitting that I am not a super-mom but I do feel better being honest.

3. Excuse my need for numbering my thoughts but it's keeping me focused. The other issue that has been poking my frontal lobes this week is that story about the Army mom who brought her kids with her when she showed up to report for duty to go to Iraq. Her claim being that her husband travels for work and she does not have adequate care for her kids. Ok so I am not a mean person, don't get me wrong. I am all about choices though and so far in America we still have an all volunteer military. So she chose to be in the military. This woman also chose to have kids. After perusing the article it states that she had not been in active duty for quite awhile but she had to have known that we are at war and she could be called up for duty at any time. Which means she should have scrambled to have back up care for her precious kids ready to go.

Her actions/inaction pisses me off. I believe that this North Carolina Army mom did all working women and all military women a huge disservice. I have a friend in the military and I have seen her scramble for care for her kids, I also have family members active in the military, Army Ranger (cousin), a Marine (female cousin), Navy Seal (my brother Bill). These 3 do not have kids yet but I can't imagine my cousin Leah not having all her bases covered if she did have children. And I believe that if this woman had been a father he would not have been let go. I really believe this was sexist.

4. I didn't realize that people still listen to Rush Limbaugh! And not only do people still listen to him but whenever a Republican talks smack about Rush, a couple of days later that same Republican will go on his show and apologize. WTF!? He is just a radio guy. And the Democrats are playing into his bloated ego as well. I want people to ignore Rush Limbaugh because that is the worst we can do to him. So I will stop giving him attention as well.

5. American Idol is so damn boring this year!! And the new judge is pointless and the wildcard stuff is just hurting my small brain. It better pick up soon. They should have made the blind guy dance, give him a chance at least.

6. The California Supreme Court is weighing the constitutionality of Proposition 8. Hopefully they will come to their senses and realize that denying civil rights to humans is unconstitutional. So far I haven't seen any pics of guys wearing assless chaps. They are probably at work and I will have to wait for the evening news.

7. Here is the last thing I am going to talk about today; our economy now compared to The Great Depression. The article I have linked points out the similarities with our current situation to the events that lead to The Great Depression. They are very similar. That article talks about the financial factors. I want to talk about social factors.

My grandmother was born in 1923 and came to California during the depression. We are talking Grapes Of Wrath stuff here. They ended up in The Central Valley, living under a bridge in Modesto. The 7th St. bridge, also called Lion's Gate Bridge. There were 10 kids all together. Eventually they were able to get a dairy farm.

My Grandmother ended up being a mother of 6 and solidly middle class. Her house is spotless, and she prefers Cadillacs and poodles. But she saves everything. Even the very last swallow of root beer she will put in a jar and you can finish it the next day. Yuck. But I understand what drives those habits.

One time I was visiting my Grandmother while her sister Julia was in town. I was raiding her fridge and my Grandma Hazel and Great-Aunt Julia were being all cute, knitting and watch the Home and Garden channel on t.v. I was half listening to their chatter when Grandma says, "Remember when Dad tried to sell me?". I froze with my fork halfway to my mouth. "Grandma, what?!". "Oh yes my father tried to sell me to a Modesto doctor and his wife who couldn't have kids.". I was immediately concerned thinking, if this had happened I wouldn't exist. "What stopped your Dad from selling you?", I asked. "Well he felt bad because my mother and I couldn't stop crying while we packed my suitcase.". So my Great-Grandfather changed his mind and didn't sell his precious daugther. Yikes, that story gives me the willies.

I would hope it is not that easy to sell a kid in America at this present day and age but with the rise in unemployment and homelessness what are the permanent social changes we are going to see? What are my kids' generation going to be like when they are adults? I realize my kids are not being affected by any homelessness or unemployment and I am very grateful for that. But I am curious about their generation in totality.

Ok I am done, thanks for listening.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Weekly < 30 minute Recipe #8

I made this last week and it was sooo good and it was surprisingly filling. I know you are thinking how can lean turkey and some lettuce be filling? That's because a 1/2 cup of lean ground turkey is only 3 points, that's a lot of meat and the plum sauce is another 2 points for a total of 5. The lettuce is Zero points. So you can have a whole cup of meat for 10 points. You are also welcome to add many more veggies to this to stretch it out but I just put carrots and green onions in the recipe below to make your life easier.

Turkey Lettuce Wraps


A healthy handful of shredded carrots (buy pre-shredded carrots of course)
1/2 cup diced green onions
1 package of lean ground turkey
Large lettuce leaves, green leaf or butter leaf work best
1 jar of Dynasty Plum Sauce
Dashes of Tabasco to taste (optional)

Brown turkey and carrots together until no longer pink over medium heat.While that is browning, wash and pat dry your lettuce leaves and put on plate. Add diced green onions to pan and add plum sauce. If you have one of those mini spatulas from Pampered Chef those work great for getting every last drop of plum sauce from the jar. Turn off heat and stir, add some dashes of Tabasco. Scoop a 1/2 cup of turkey into each lettuce leaf and enjoy. You can eat it like a wrap but I eventually gave up and used a fork.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Attitude and Gratitude, It's What It's All About

My super cool friend Clare nominated me for an award so I am passing on the honors. Feel free to host a Lemonade Award on your blog by following the directions below:

1. Put the logo on your blog or in a post (lemonade picture)

2. Nominate 10 blogs that show attitude and/or gratitude. (or at least 5)

3. Be sure to link to your nominees withing your blog.

4. Let them know that they have received the award by commenting on a post.

5. Name your favorites and link them on your blog.

I have nominated the following:

1. Clare for putting up with my high school friend Chris, over at This and That

2. Meghan, my favorite beer drinking mom, over at The Quick Clan

3. Barb, a kindred spirit even if she isn't even 30 years old yet, over at Never Packed A Parachute

4. Daphne, a former boss and woman who swore up and down she would never have kids, guess what happens when you say never? Check her out at Really Me A Mom?!

5. Britta is a real write, not just a goofball like me. She resides at What I learned today.

6. Mama Ashley has such cute little monkeys, you have to see them at The Ramirez Family

7. Natural Moms Talk Radio can get fairly granola but they do have some good articles.

8. If you ever need a perfect family photo then you have to go see Melinda Bunker.