Week of Weight Watcher's Menus #2

Monday of this week I had a laproscopy to get rid of some endometriosis.  It was outpatient and minor, but I still had to rest and I can't lift anything heavy, like children or a basket full of laundry. The best part of this week was getting rid of the endometriosis and the 2nd best part of this week was getting a meal delivered every night! I have a wonderful and supportive group of friends and they have been feeding my family all week. Everything has been sinfully delicious. But of course no exercise and large portions of comfort food is not good for the waistline. 


I won't be ready for the gym by next week but I have to start being strict with my diet, or else I could pass for Santa by the time December rolls around.  So below is a re-post of a week of Weight Watchers inspired meals.  Wish me luck.




Monday, Monday





Breakfast=1 cup plain instant oatmeal with 3/4 cup blueberries=3 pts. Coffee with FF vanilla creamer=1pt.





Lunch= can of low-fat lentil soup and bag of pre-shredded carrots, simmer until carrots are tender, top with FF sour cream 2 Tbs.=5 pts. 1 small orange=0 pt.





Snack choices= All of these are zero points: 10 baby carrots, 1 side salad with FF Italian dressing, 1 small orange or peach. 1 points each: 1 slice canadian bacon, 5 cups over 90% FF popcorn, 1 slice FF cheese, 1 small whole wheat pita, 2 squares graham crackers, 1/2 cup cooked shrimp,1/2 cup cooked oatmeal,1/2 cup light yogurt,1 4inch pancake made from a mix, 1 medium apple, orange or pear.





Dinner= French Dip Roast Beef Sandwich 7 pts.


Recipe= 1 8oz. loaf French bread, cut in 1/2 horizontally, then vertically into 4 equal slices to make 8 pieces total


12 oz. cooked lean roast beef deli meat thinly sliced


2 cups low fat beef broth





Heat 2 cup Pyrex cup of beef broth in microwave, make 4 sandwiches with 1.5 oz beef each sandwich. Pour 1/4 cup of warm broth into 4 ramekins (little bowls) and dip your sandwich in broth and chow down. Horseradish is 0 points if you want to spread some on your sandwich.





Steam 1.5 cups of carrots and 1/2 cup broccoli florets=1 pt.


1 cup green grapes= 1 pt.





Taco Tuesday





Breakfast=2 toasted low-fat frozen waffles topped with 2 TBs low calorie syrup= 4pts.





Lunch= 2oz lean ham, 1 slice low-fat Swiss cheese on reduced calorie rye bread (2 slices) lettuce, tomato, and mustard=5 pts. 1 medium sliced apple=1pt.





Snack choices= 12 almonds= 2 pts., 1/2 cup FF frozen yogurt 2 pts.





Dinner=Turkey Taco Salad


Recipe: 1 lb. lean ground turkey
15 oz can of black beans
low sodium Taco seasoning packet
lettuce
1 heaping Tbs. FF sour cream, per person
1/4 cup shredded cheese (or less, per person)
small handful crushed tortilla chips, per person
red or green FF salsa to taste

Follow instructions on back of Taco seasoning packet. Before simmering add 1 can drained black beans. Pile as much lettuce as you want on your plate load up a 1/2 cup of turkey mixture onto plate,add salsa to taste, crush the chips, sprinkle the cheese and top with sour cream. 9.5 points per person

Corona Lite with lime= 2 points

Husband Home Late Wednesday

Breakfast= 3/4 cup Honey Nut Cheerios and 1/2 cup skim milk with small sliced banana= 4 pts.

Lunch=Leftover Turkey Taco Salad

Snack = 0 pts. veggie soup with one slice 2% milk swiss cheese melted on top=2pts

Dinner= Any frozen WW entree, or Eating Right, or Lean Cuisine (most of them have WW points listed right on the box) 7 pts. Very large glass of wine = 3 pts.






Thirsty Thursday

Breakfast= Pina Colada Smoothie (from WW website)
I broke my blender but this smoothie sounds worth buying another. Do not add rum until kids are in school.

16 oz canned pineapple, packed in juice, chunks, undrained
6 oz frozen orange juice concentrate
1/2 cup(s) light coconut milk

1 cup(s) ice cube(s)
Instructions
Combine ingredients in a blender and purée until smooth, adding more ice cubes if necessary to create a thick purée. Pour into 4 tall glasses and serve. Yields about 1 cup per serving. 3 pts. per serving.





Lunch=0 points veggie soup with melted 2% milk swiss cheese, large salad with 4 slices of 97% FF smoked deli ham chopped and 2 Tbs. light Ranch dressing=5 pts.

Snack=1 oz bag of Sun Chips Harvest Cheddar flavor= 3pts.

Dinner= Trader Joe's Mandarin Orange Chicken= 5 pts. per 1 cup serving



Hot and Sour Soup (off of WW website)
POINTS® Value: 1Servings: 6Preparation Time: 15 minCooking Time: 10 minLevel of Difficulty: Easy


Ingredients

4 cup(s) fat-free chicken broth
2 Tbsp rice vinegar
2 tsp Asian hot sauce, or chili paste, or to taste (or Tabasco and Asian fish sauce mixed together)

2 cup(s) shiitake mushroom(s), sliced (or pre-sliced white mushrooms)

1/3 cup(s) bamboo shoots, sliced (optional)

9 oz firm tofu, about 1 cup, diced
1 Tbsp cornstarch, mixed with 2 tbsp water
1 Tbsp soy sauce

2 green onions , sliced
Instructions
In a soup pot, stir together broth, vinegar, hot sauce, soy sauce, mushrooms, bamboo shoots and tofu. Bring to a simmer and cook for 5 minutes. Stir in cornstarch and simmer 2 minutes more. Serve, sprinkling each bowl with sliced scallions. Yields about 1 cup per serving. 1 pt. per serving.


Drive-Thru Friday*


I do not condone hitting the drive-thru 3 times in one day, but just in case you are having one of those days I have listed the most common foods to help you make reasonable choices. Or not. With WW you do have that extra 35 points a week option, which leaves a window open for mistakes/parties/PMS.

Breakfast= McDonald's= Fruit 'n Yogurt Parfait w/low-fat yogurt without granola= 3pts.
Egg McMuffin=6 pts.
Sausage McMuffin= 9 pts.
Bacon,Egg and cheese biscuit= 11 pts.

Starbucks= all brewed coffee, any size= 0 points
Grande Non-fat Mocha without whip= 5 pts. my fave until I found out the points
Grande Cappucino w/non-fat milk=2 pts.
Grande Latte w/non-fat milk=3 pts.





Lunch= Burger Kind= Orig. Whopper w/mayo=9 pts.
Orig. Whopper w/out mayo= 7 pts.
Orig. Whopper w/cheese but w/out mayo= 15 pts.
Med. fries=8 pts.
Tendergrill Chicken Sandwich w/honey mustard or bbq sauce= 9 pts.

Taco Bell= Fresco Burrito Supreme chicken or beef= 7 pts.
beef burrito supreme= 10 pts.
Chalupa Baja beef= 10 pts.
Cheese Quesadilla=12 pts.

Snack choice= Heaven is paved with McDonald's french fries. When I was pregnant with Michael I hit the drive-thru so often the guy began to recognize me so I changed McDonald's.
Small fries= 5 pts.
Medium fries= 8 pts.
Large fries = 12 pts.





Dinner= In-N-Out Burger= Hamburger with onion=9 pts.
Cheeseburger with onion= 11 pts.
Double-Double with onion= 16 pts.
Fries= 9 pts.
All flavors of shakes= 17 pts.





Scrounging Saturday



Breakfast=choices from week above.

Lunch= finish off all of those leftovers.

Snack choices= check the week above.

Dinner= Same as lunch.




Comfort Food Sunday



Breakfast=scrambled egg, 1 slice Canadian style bacon, 1 cup grapes= 4 pts.

Lunch= WW Mac and Cheese= 5 pts.

Snack choices= 8 celery stalks with 1/2 cup of salsa has 90 calories, 1 gram of fat and 7 grams of fiber for a POINTS value of 1., 15 baked lays= 2 pts.






Dinner=Meatloaf Muffins Servings…12 servings(From WW website)

1 lb. ground turkey or ground beef
1 package Stove Top Stuffing
1 medium onion, chopped
1/2 cup green bell pepper chopped fine
1 tsp. garlic powder
2 egg whites or ¼ c. egg beaters
1 c. hot water
1 pkg onion soup mix
1/4 cup of ketchup

Mix stove top and water in a large bowl, stir with fork until moistened. In another bowl, combine all remaining ingredients. Add stuffing to mixture. Fill sprayed muffin tins almost to the top with mixture. Bake at 350 for 30-35 minutes. 2.5 points per muffin.



Parmesan Mashed Potatoes

Ingredients

10 medium potato(es), red (about 2 1/2 lbs)
1/2 cup(s) buttermilk, warmed (if you don't have buttermilk just add a tsp. of lemon juice)
3 Tbsp Parmesan cheese, strong-flavored, grated

1/4 cup(s) chives, chopped
1 tsp table salt
1/8 tsp black pepper, freshly ground, or to taste

Instructions
Place potatoes in a large pot and cover with an inch of water; bring to a boil, reduce heat, simmer and cook until fork-tender, about 30 minutes. Drain and return potatoes to pot.
Mash potatoes with a potato masher. Stir in remaining ingredients and mix well to combine. Yields about 2/3 cup per serving. 2 pts. per serving 8 servings

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My Son Will Never Be a Mountain Climber

Well we attempted a weekend vacation in beautiful Truckee, CA but my oldest puked his guts out.  


It started Saturday morning when he got up at 5am, ugh.  He usually gets up at 7a, and an inability to sleep is a symptom of altitude sickness.  But I didn't know that, I just thought he was being a pain in the ass. 


Then Auntie M. bought them a big box of Captain Crunch which my kids have never eaten and Mike could barely gag it down! That caused me a little concern because he loves sugar. 


The clincher was right before we were to leave for a day at Lake Tahoe he puked.  So everyone left and I stayed with Mike who was crying and begging to go to the beach.  I told him if he could keep some applesauce down we would go to the beach. He ate some applesauce and I set the timer and watched him.  He said he was great so we headed for the beach. 


25 minutes into our drive we passed the sign stating that we just passed 7,000 ft. elevation.  I looked in my rearview mirror and Mike was green. "Buddy do you need to throw up?" , "Yes mommy.".  Oh shit I am on a two-lane semi-rural highway looking for a place to pull over. I found it too late! Poor Mike spewed applesauce all over the inside of our van.  He got each row and the side of van as well once he made it out. And all over himself. All I had to clean him up was a few flimsy wipes and some socks. Gross!!


We turned around and went  back to the cabin.  Where he bathed and I scrubbed the van. Thankfully Bekah and Jake went ahead to the beach with Auntie M. so while Mike watched t.v. and barfed again all over the master bathroom, I packed up. I had no desire to do this all weekend. 


 Great Uncle Les was traveling with us and is a doctor so he called in some anti-nausea pills for Mike. And they brought those back with them to the cabin.  Mike immediately swallowed one and then all 3 kids started to cry about having to leave. Heartbreaking. 


Auntie M. volunteered to keep Bekah for the weekend and I loaded up my tearful boys.  Mike was able to eat some mini-pretzels on the way home and kept them down.  I made it home from Truckee in 2.5 hours, I flew! Now Sunday he is eating everything in sight and bouncing off the walls. Since nobody else is vomiting it's obvious that it was indeed altitude sickness and not a stomach bug or food poisoning. And the link below supports my uneducated diagnosis. 


Beach vacations only from here on out!!!!




http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001190/

Grandma Hazel

This is the eulogy I delivered for my Grandmother yesterday. I wasn't the only one to speak kind words and my Aunt Kitty and Uncle Mike really put together a service as beautiful as my Grandmother. I wish I could say my gorgeous children sat quietly during the service but no, my dear husband ended up taking them to McDonald's.  The were the best dressed family there. And I am eternally gratefully to Erik for going beyond the call of husband and father yesterday, and just being a completely awesome and patient person. I also delivered this eulogy wearing my husband's right contact lens instead of my own, just to add some extra challenge to the whole public speaking tension.





There are several things that will always remind me of my Grandmother: the status of poodles, and Cadillacs. The luxury of perfume, and Cashmere sweaters. Grandma was always perfectly put together, her dogs were groomed, her house spotless, and she smelled wonderful and felt so soft. She was by far the most glamorous person I have ever met. Grandma Hazel could wear white slacks and gold sandals to a BBQ and stay stain free. My girl cousins and I would love to open her bathroom drawers and stare mesmerized at all the lipsticks and lotions.

But she didn't always have access to these conditions. There is no status in migrating to California during the Depression. No luxury in sleeping under a bridge ( pictured above is the 7th Street bridge my Grandmother slept underneath, which is still located in Modesto, Ca.)  with your siblings. There is nothing clean about having 6 kids of your own.  And there will never be any glamour in outliving one of your own sons.






The beauty and order Grandma surrounded herself was much deserved. Both her and Grandpa Bill worked hard to build their life. They were excellent role models for hard work and learning new skills. Grandma Hazel didn't learn to play the piano and do ceramics until later in life. And Grandpa was always reading and educating himself.






And even though Grandma loved her family unconditionally, that doesn't mean occasionally she wouldn't try to change you. Us grand kids learned early on not to mention if we were feeling under the weather. Grandma would take this opportunity to pump us full of vitamins or make you drink some strange herbal concoction. She wouldn't mind performing minor surgery on our dirty feet to get out a splinter or rubbing Vitamin E oil on some mystery rash. She was an excellent nurse but wasn't afraid to experiment on us either.






I know my Grandma Hazel loved me. She gave me tons of hugs and kisses and spoiled me rotten. But I am pretty sure she thought my hair was out robbing liquor stores at night. I worshipped her so much I really didn't mind the experiments she attempted on my unruly hair. My mom would leave me at Grandma's house and she would be instantly washing and conditioning my hair in the kitchen sink. It was like a spa day. I didn't mind the crazy hair cuts, I didn't mind the olive oil and the beer rinse didn't bother me at all. It was the homemade mayonnaise I objected to. I smelled like a bologna sandwich for 2 days!






I wasn't the only grandchild, my brothers and my cousins were always at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Often for days at a time. And they played with us. Grandma would play on the piano with us, take us to parks, bowling, shopping and dye Easter eggs with us. Grandpa played cards with us,played pool with us, and let us follow him around the garden, and read all of his books. We were never bored and felt safe and loved. All of us running around the backyard, sleeping on the floor in sleeping bags and crowded around the kitchen or patio table.






Over the years family, just like friends, drift apart. I am so grateful for the memories my grandparents gave me and my cousins. And now that I have kids of my own I realize it's not that easy to organize family gatherings or reunions. I do want to offer my kids the same positive experience that we all had. I know that Grandma would want today to be more of a happy reflection and celebration of life. A chance for everyone to re-connect, to forget any differences, and to be loving role models for our new family members.






One day I was out to lunch with Grandma and she told me there wasn't a lot of love and affection in her childhood home. And as an adult she went to visit her brother Clarence at his home one day. Clarence walked up to her and hugged her. She was very surprised, but she said it felt so good to her that she hugged him back. She told me to remember to hug people and tell them that you love them otherwise they may never know how you feel.






I found an Irish Blessing perfect for the wife of a roofer.






May the roof above us never fall in.


And may the friends gathered below it never fall out.





End of eulogy.

I asked a dear friend who currently lives in Stanislaus County if she knew of any non-religious type organizations that help homeless children.  Modesto, where my Grandmother migrated to as a homeless child is in Stanislaus County, and my Grandma Hazel was never strongly religious. |My friend Daphne found a couple of places. Thank you so much Daphne that really means a lot to me.

Hutton House

Pathways

Me, my mom Louise, Grandma Hazel and my daughter Rebekah Hazel. R.I.P. Grandma nobody will ever be as beautiful as you.

My Summer Vacation by Charlotte

I took some major time off from my blog and I missed writing, and offending and entertaining my friends. I'd like to give you a run-down on my summer before I go back to my usual erratic posts.

June
*  Kids did great with their swim lessons even though Jake and Bekah's class was monopolized by some helicopter parents. That means they hovered over the pool and bossed the swim coach around. All 3 of them: mom, dad and grandmother. The poor little boy was wearing a swim vest and goggles, neither of which fit properly. It was killing me! Poor little guy. My only advice to the swim coach was, drag Jake's ass into the pool if he tries to run away.

* Took my savages to Disneyland for their first time. Lots of family joined us and we dominated the park. My daughter is fearless, my sons are wimps. Mike heard the first chord of organ music in The Haunted Mansion and ran screaming for the door. Jake was catatonic for an hour after going on The Pirates of the Caribbean. Bekah went on Tower of Terror twice!  She's 4 years old.

July
* Husband was on-call Fourth of July weekend. Super suck.

* Took my 3 monkeys to the county fair by myself. Hot and expensive but I am not afraid to hit the beer booth. Best money spent was shooting water balloons out of a sling-shot, at each other. I have better aim than they do (evil laugh) that's what they get for waking me up at dawn.  Jake was on my team and Bekah and Mike had their own, ineffective team. We drew such an audience of people laughing that the booth's owner kept giving us free water balloons. We got him a whole new line of customers. It was really fun. One woman was laughing so hard she had to sit on the grass so as not to pee her pants.

*Kids did sports camp, craft camp, no girls allowed camp and a music class.

* I decided to take the kids camping for a weekend by myself. Not really, my Dad and Step-mom and other family were there to pick up some slack. My reasoning was that Erik would have a lovely weekend by himself and would be refreshed.

*We spent the whole weekend in the lake swimming. Jake practically hyperventilated when I tried to swim out to the buoys in the middle of the lake. I started to turn back and my dear Dad said,"No! Spend 5 minutes by yourself he needs grow out of this!". Thanks Dad. It was so nice to swim out past the pee warmed water and shiny slick of sunscreen,to the middle of the lake where it was nice and cool and quiet. Totally cleared my head.

* I was exhausted the next day and packed up camp around my sleeping kids. I then poured them into semi-clean clothes and packed them into the van. I told them we would stop for milk and donuts if they let me drive home with no stops or fighting. I was so excited thinking that I would dump them on my refreshed husband and take a giant nap. When I got home Erik was laid up with a sprained ankle..........no rest for the wicked.

*Mike flooded our downstairs. Our cat drinks from the bathroom sink and Mike turned it on full-blast, plugged the sink and then came back upstairs to snuggle with us in bed. While Erik and I are laying in bed listening to our 3 kids sing songs about farts we had no idea our bathroom was flooding beyond the walls and onto the hallway carpet. Such a lovely thing to come downstairs and see before I have even had a cup of coffee.

*Keep your records updated, I called the number my husband gave me for our insurance guy and it was phone sex chat-line!

*Happy ending: home owner's insurance is buying us new downstairs carpet.  I have decided to let my 6 year old live. Then I had a huge good-bye to the old carpet playgroup here with my friends and all their kids. At least 15 kids were here. Good times.

August (last weekend of July)
*My brother Bill and his woman, Ari,  came to spend a couple of nights. They were trying to catch a military flight out of Travis Air Force Base for Europe (the long way). Bill is a Navy Seal. Lots of family in and out all day feeding them brunch, lunch and grilled a couple of tri-tips. Tons of fun.

* After they left their travels took them to Spain and Morocco. They stayed here on there way home for a couple of more nights. I love having them here because they are very hands-on with the kids and not only are a huge help but really tire out my kids!

*The same day Bill and Ari went home Erik's grandmother came to stay a couple of nights. She came with me to Mike's camp talent show and Mike booed a little girl and made her cry. I wanted to fucking die!!  I dragged him out of the room and told him how he had hurt her feelings and was never allowed to boo again for the rest of his life. And he said,"Even at a football game?". And I said maybe. Then I made him apologize to her and by that time he was in tears.

*I took Grandma-in-law and kids to visit a cousin of hers in Marin. They were super nice and had 2 kids of their own. He is V.P. of Wordpress so I didn't mention I had a blog on Blogger and I told my Grandmother-in-law not to say anything either.

*The next day tons more family came for a bbq and then sister-in-law took her grandmother home with her.

*Erik was on-call this entire time. It sucked.

*Hooked up with friend of over 30 years and took our kids to Gilroy Gardens. Fun!

*Jake has taken to climbing the outside of the stairs. Like a rock wall. The first time I found him I couldn't even reach him  because he had climbed so high. I ran upstairs and dragged him over the railing to safety. I have weaved a crib bumper through the spindles but that's just slowing him down. Any ideas besides barbed wire or broken glass?

*Last night bbq here, tonight bbq at friends, tomorrow more bbq at friends. And then back to school on Monday. Three different schools, three different schedules.........wish me luck.

Summer Camps 2010

After picking up my 2 oldest kids from school, I informed them of all the wonderful camps and activities I spent the whole morning signing them up for. My 5 year old proceeded to give me an alternate list of camps that he would prefer to attend.  All the way home from school he cracked himself up with these perfect camps:

Fart Camp
No Underwear Allowed Camp
Killing Sharks with Nerf Guns Camp
Weirdo Camp
Butt Camp (just in case you didn't get enough of Fart Camp), and
Wrestling With No Shirts On Camp


Sigh...........

A Writing Exercise

Once again I have landed myself in the hospital.  Long story short; I tripped, fell on my face, the scrapes became infected with cellulitis and here I am getting I.V. antibiotics.

To keep myself from begging the nurses for narcotics I have decided to choose a writing exercise. I like this one:
       "List five products your father used, or uses,  and write a longer piece about, at least, one of them. "

1) Swisher Sweets Cigars, that came in that red carboard box.













2) McDonald's Playland.

3)Brut Cologne














4)  Polaroid Camera











5) Morton's Salt and Pepper shaker
















I was born in 1970 and my brother was born in 1973. My mother and father got a divorce when I was just barely three years old. This action made my father a swinging single Dad, smack dab right in the middle of the Seventies.We spent every other weekend in his lackadaisical custody and his nappy headed daughter and snot-nosed son never slowed his MILF(mothers I like to F) hunting prowress. In fact it only greatly honed his skills.  We were used as bait.

My Dad would pick us up on a Friday night with a Swisher Sweet Cigar lodged in his mouth. Rarely smoked, just chomped upon. And thank G-d for that because when lit they smelled anything but sweet, gag. Once those extra large cigar boxes were emptied of cheap cigars they were filled with fishing gear, nails and paperclips, and change for the Benicia toll bridge, these littered the floor of his truck.  In his home the boxes were used to store pictures and receipts.

But I digress, when it was his weekend, he promptly picked us up and took us out to a fine Scottish dining establishment. McDonald's. But it had to have an outdoor Playland.

Once we parked his truck, with ladder on top, in the parking lot he would spit out his cigar and splash on some Brut cologne. Another completely offensive, yet comforting odor, from my childhood. I asked my Dad once how Brut cologne was made.  My father told me that it came from a special gnat's armpits in Europe.

For years this answer haunted me. Many a sleepless night I wondered how they extracted this exotic pheromone from a gnat's armpit. Did the cologne lab technicians put the tiny gnat on a crucifix with I.V. needles and tubing sticking out of his armpits, draining away the precious scent?  Or did they just catch the gnats with a very fine net, ground them with a mortar and pestle and then use a sieve to extract all liquids?  Was the special armpit scent so strong that it overpowered the other liquified body parts, or did they have to extract only that particular fluid? And if it was so labor intensive to gather this manly scent then why was it so cheap?

Anyways, we would get our Happy Meals and eat at the picnic tables in the McDonald's Playland. My Dad would generously sprinkle his french fries with the Morton's salt he kept in the glove compartment of his truck.

After eating our food Billy and I would take off to play and my Dad would start prowling. McDonald's was an excellent place for single Moms to take their kids after work on a Friday night. My Dad was pure genius for figuring this out, because he was usually the only single Dad there. My Dad would approach his victim and put his foot up on the bench where she was seated and then lean on his knee and start chatting her up. If she shot him down, or seemed disinterested, my Dad would just move onto the next single mom. He was shameless! The next victim could be sitting less than 2 feet away but that did not deter him.

By the time me and Bill were started to get bored or tired my Dad would have at least one set of digits from a fine young mom. And the topper? He would take a polaroid picture. Two polaroid pictures. One of the cute mom and her kids which he would give to her and then one of all of us (he would use the timer setting) and he would keep that one. When we were back in the truck my father would write her name, the names of her kids and her phone number on the back of the polaroid for future reference.
Genius.

If she was lucky he would call her up for a date on a weekend when he was missing the company of his kids.

Facebook Politics

It's Easter morning. My dear husband let me sleep in and then he took my place in bed when I got up. I staggered downstairs for some coffee. Checked on the monkeys who were doing various monkey activities and then I sat down with my laptop.



My Aunt Kitty posted something about Sarah Palin in her Facebook status. Palin is speaking at CSUS (Stanislaus) at $5oo. a head. You wanna get my panties in a bunch? Just mention Sarah Palin. And I am not the only one who feels that way, because Aunt Kitty's friends started chiming in about what an idiot Palin is. But then my dear sweet Uncle Ron (Kitty's brother), is a conservative (my label, not his) and starts to relate a different point of view. And in his defense, makes an excellent point that we are attacking her on her personal views and not her political actions.

This was a great mental exercise for me, to remind me why I don't support Palin, that's it's not just because her voice makes me want to stick ice picks in my ears. And since I spent 30 minutes organizing my thoughts, I realized I had better put my mini-article on my blog. It took me 30 minutes instead of 5, because as soon as my kids get a whiff of me actually concentrating on something, they descend from the ceiling to harass me!


I had to bribe them with cookies at 9:30am, so I wouldn't sound like a shrill, pissed off, brainless liberal.I explained why I don't support Palin, but I also put some issues where I agree with her because I try to be fair. I mentioned Harry Belafonte, because he was also a guest speaker at Stanislaus State and that dude is even too liberal for me. Below is what I wrote on my Aunt's profile page:






"I am an idiot, but I don't put it out there and try to run for political office. I try to keep my idiocy to myself, and I don't always suceed at that.

I also do not like Harry Belafonte, America should not be like any country but America, we are the best.

As for political views, I have to say Palin is the most consistent on fiscal responsibility, except charging rape victims for their rape kits is repulsive. How would you like to get that bill in your mail?

Areas I agree on with Palin (and it makes me nauseous to admit this in public): fiscal responsibility, she's tough on crime, and has a mostly open mind on education (except for creationism). She supports automatic death penalty for child murderers, I can't argue with that. And I know everyone thinks I am a crazy liberal but I believe in the right to bear arms and eco-responsible hunting. You kill it you eat it, and you better make a jacket too. Sarah shoots wolves from a helicopter, that's effed up.

On social issues I am the polar opposite of her. I am unapologetically pro-choice,and pro-gay marriage. I dont' even understand how you can argue that evolution and global warming are anything but fact. And for goodness sake if my teenage daughter turned up pregnant, I would take myself out of the public spotlight. Sarah or her husband should have quit their job and reformed their family structure. Not drag their kids and newborn special needs son around the country.

Sorry Aunt Kitty for blowing up your profile."

So what is your family doing this fine Easter morning?

Bad Genes

I have sat on my ass, wasting time for 2 hours this morning! I kept my sweet 4 year old home from school for one more day to make sure she is 100% healthy, and she is entertaining herself. I could have done a lot of stuff in 2 hours instead of watching Max and Ruby with her, and screwing around on the Internet. But I am really, really anxious.

My dear, sweet, responsible husband, and I, have an appointment with a developmental pediatrician today. We are seeing her to come up with a plan of action in regards to our 5 year old's atrocious school behavior. And I feel like I am in trouble. I feel like I am being called to the Principal's office. And trust me I know exactly what that feels like.

I know because in first grade I got sent to the Principal's office for running away from school (and conning a friend to join me) because the teacher made me write lines. The lines were, "I will be quiet in class". Instead I wrote, "I will not shut-up in class" and then at recess me and Heather snuck off when the yard duty wasn't looking. It was really bad because they thought we had been kidnapped. That is the one and only time I have actually seen a person's face turn purple. The principal was a substitutePrincipal and he was sooo mad. As an adult I realize now what I put everyone through.

In the second grade I got sent to the Principal's office for refusing to pledge allegiance to the flag because of the phrase "under G-d". There is supposed to be a separation of church and state in America. I am still right on that one. I love G-d, and our flag, and I get goosebumps when I hear our anthem sung. I just get a bad feeling when we combine patriotism and religion. My mom was really embarrassed.

In the third grade they started the state testing (here in California) that our kids are tortured with now. And it was a big deal, just as it is now. When it came to gender, mark male or female, I made my own bubble, wrote the word "Other" next to it and filled it in. In my defense that wasn't my idea. Another girl dared me to do it, and I just can't resist a dare. Holy Crap that principal was mad. But he didn't call my mom. I came home and told my mom as a preemptive strike, and she laughed, and said, "I am so glad he didn't' call me and tell me that over the phone because I would have just laughed.". Phew, what a relief.

Remember in grade school when they would make you chew those red tablets that would stain the plaque on your teeth, to show you where you weren't not brushing adequately? I refused to do that. My reasoning being that my parents tax money could be better spent on academics, instead of wasting time picking up other parents slack when it comes to their children's poor dental hygiene. That teacher lasted one year at that school. That was 4th grade.

I could go on and on and on. But I need to shower and find an outfit that makes me look like a concerned parent. The point I am trying to make by sharing these anecdotes is I know exactly where my oldest child's behavior comes from. But if you ask me I just say, "He's exactly like my brother Bill.".

Sorry Mom.

2009 Year in Review, for the Not Easily Offended Part 2

March 2009

*I posted a few Weight Watchers recipes.

*I came clean about the post-partum depression I had after weaning Jake.

*I wrote a lot of shit about American Idol and the only reason I am going to watch American Idol this year is because Ellen Degeneres will be a judge. I think that is Fox's apology to gay people for Adam Lambert not winning last season.

* I wrote a post about Recession Proof Jobs in March of 2009 and made a comment about giving my husband a well-earned blow job. Months later his 83 year old grandmother told me she read that and couldn't sleep that whole night. I was/am mortified.

* I received the most comments I have ever received after I grumbled about kids on leashes.

*Four Oakland, Ca. police officers were shot down by an asshole felon.

April 2009

*My brother and his wife came to visit and brought Swine Flu with them. OK, actually I don't know if it was really swine flu but we all got really sick after they left. Everyone had it including the grandparents, it was brutal.

*But the visit overall was awesome and we had a great time!! And it was nice that he came home alive from Iraq.

*Sandra Cantu and Melissa Huckaby, tragic.

* I got published again on an online newspaper.

* I got on CBS 5 Eye On Blogs

I am going to have to finish this later.

Out Of The Ashes~Custom Jewelry by Katy Boynton

I am very excited to go to Auntie M.'s tomorrow night for a special jewelry party. This is not your usual, factory-made jewelry party that you receive evites for at least once a month. These pieces are hand-made from vintage jewelry, and creative jewelry made from found items. The artist, Katy Boynton, has also branched out to precious metal clay. And all of those pieces are handmade, dried, torch or kiln fired, antiqued and finally polished. The pictures below are just a small sampling of what will be on display at the party tomorrow evening.







This is a very special piece that was one of Katy's first. The "open" is taken off of a brass hose component that was manufactured during WWII by her grandfather. She inherited it from her mother's cousin when she passed away. Katy immediately recognized the historical and nostalgic significance of that component. She wanted to use the "open" for something but that was before she even knew how to create using precious metal clay.










Some PMC (precious metal clay) can be customized for people with initials, certain symbols and words.

Katy is constantly switching up styles to appeal to every taste and budget.

Katy started making jewelry while in college, in Chico, when a friend of her's showed her how to make hemp necklaces. Once she mastered the basic knotting, she was ready to add beads. As she walked into her first bead shop in downtown Chico, the knotting and beading suddenly became more than just a hobby. On her frequent trips to the bead shop she learned how to make other types of jewelry from the ladies in the store.

Katy's friends and family started receiving custom gifts for birthdays and Christmas every year. Then, a good friend asked her to create matching jewelry for a dress she was wearing to a very fancy wedding. She was the first one to start pushing Katy to sell her creations.

At first Katy resisted, arguing that her friend's liked her stuff because it was made specifically for them. She finally agreed to hold her first party. It was a success! Now Katy gained confidence in her abilities and started taking classes for using precious metal clay to create unique items that couldn't be purchased at any shop. That's been her passion for the past several years. She will soon be learningthe art of making fine jewelry to further enhance her skills.

I am very excited to go to this party tomorrow night, and not just because I get to leave my kids and home and drink with my chicas but I want to get there early and pick out the best pieces! Feel free to check out Katy's Facebook page highlighting her business Out of The Ashes.

The Bone in The Burbs

This is for my local N.E.O.s 107.7 The Bone were out here in the burbs this morning. I heard about it on the radio as I took my oldest to his kindergarten class. It's Ta-Ta-Tuesday which means women flash their tits. I always thought that was a joke so I just cruised on over there for a free bumpersticker. I had my 2 and 3 year old with me, and as we turned into the parking lot of our local In & Out Burger I saw The Bone van surrounded by a group of men. I have never seen that many construction workers in one place outside of a family reunion.

Difference between this and a family reunion was these guys were expecting to see my boobs. Uh, no. Too early, too sober and I had my kids with me. As I walked up to this group sure enough a lady flashed her Ta-Tas. If you want to know they were real, and perky. My monkeys didn't see anything though, they were focused on the free candy. And I did announce as I walked up that, " I am not flashing you guys this morning, I am just getting a bumper sticker.". That got a good laugh.

The guy behind the table also gave me a poster, which my daughter suggested we put on our garage door. But I am pretty sure my home owner's association would have something to say about that. I told her we could hang it inside of the garage. I am proud of my local rock station, this whole Ta-Ta-Tuesday gimmick is not just about seeing tits for free on a weekday morning. They actually have teamed up with the Breast Cancer Fund. I didn't know this until I got home and looked at their website. I would have left a few bucks after taking my bumper sticker.

Now that you know about their good work, don't hesitate to stop by The Bone van next time they are in your neighborhood on Ta-Ta-Tuesday. You can leave a donation for breast cancer research, see some titties, or flash your's and still make it to work on time.

I seriously can't think of a title

Last Saturday Erik and I celebrated our 6 year wedding anniversary with a day in Calistoga. The drive was amazingly scenic because of the fall colors. (Yes we do have fall colors in California!) I discovered one down-side to having a husband who does not have to commute to work; Erik has forgotten how to drive.

I kept slamming on an imaginary brake-pedal and eventually leaned back and closed my eyes. I wasn't resting ,I was praying, "Holy shit don't let him kill us!". What's even more amazing is that Erik's sister, Auntie M., is the best driver ever! I think she missed her calling as either a bacherlorette party planner or driving instructor.

Anyways we made it to Calistoga alive and had an awesome lunch at this place. This restaurant was at an actual resort which we decided we would stay at after we won the lottery. Totally not in our budget, but damn, it was gorgeous.

We walked around Calistoga a little bit and then went to a spa for bath treatments and massages. Erik went for the Volcanic Ash Bath and I chose a Lavender bath. These were done in a private bath-house for two. I am so immature that I can't say bath-house without giggling. And then we both got 60 minute massages.

I felt relaxed for the first time in weeks! This woman was really skillful and I felt great! Only thing is that she was a little small in stature with gigantic boobs. When she stood at the head of the table and went to rub down my upper back, well her boobs rested on my head. I opened my eyes in alarm and stared at the floor ,but the massage felt so good I quickly got over it.




Then I drove to Walnut Creek, where we met Auntie M., Uncle Chrissy and one of my several friends named Julie for dinner at Va de Vi. Excellent food and wine but towards the end we felt like we were being pushed out. For the amount of money I spent that day, they are lucky I didn't take off my pants and get really comfortable.



Weekend ended on a high note when Auntie M. calls the next day and asks if she can bring over a chicken enchilada casserole and if I can make a salad.............duh. Who would say no to that?!





I am not going to bore you with the details of my doctor's appointment, I am improving that's all.



I will also not give you all the details of my firstborn's horrible week at school. I will ramble on about that on my private blog. Just in case he does decide to run for president someday, I don't want people to not vote for him because they read on this blog that he was a complete spazz in Kindergarten.




And as of yesterday, all of us are vaccinated for the swine flu! I haven't felt this safe since Erik got his vasectomy. I feel like going out and licking shopping carts!!



H1N1 still struck close to home though, one of Erik's coworkers got it and now Erik is on call all weekend. Leaving me to do the solo mom thing. In fact I am writing this from our gym. I worked out, got to shower by myself, and am now enjoying the free WiFi. I have 15 minutes left before their time is up in the daycare. And roughly 3 hours before I can start drinking.

Thankfully I have a Raiders game to look forward to tomorrow. Raiderrrrrrrz! Hopefully Erik won't be too tired. Knock on wood is on call isn't too crazy tonight and that he can whip through his rounds in the morning. I am not a huge Raiders, or even a football fan, but nobody goes to a Raiders game to watch football. Oakland Raiders' games are all about beer, nachos, and fistfights. Raiders fans will even fight with each other. I have never been to a game where I didn't see somebody being led away in handcuffs. I went and saw the Raiders and a football game broke out. I crack myself up. Seriously, that's why I don't bring my kids! It's just going to be Erik and myself. My oldest would love to go but I told him he has to wait for his 18th birthday.

After we take BART home from the game then we will take the whole family to Auntie M. and Uncle Chrissy's house, for Uncle Chrissy's birthday party.

Our beloved Dr. Pants is in town with his wife from Madison, Wisconsin. We will see them Monday or Tuesday. Dr. Pants (nickname from his womanizing days) now has a P.h.d. to add to his M.D. I believe his area of expertise is Addiction medicine (wiping away tears of laughter and irony) One of these days he will actually finish school and get a real job. Just kidding! I LOVE his wife, a very cool, laid back chick and a real estate agent. Only bummer isthat they are not bringing their kids!! I understand they need a vacation but I wanted our kids to hang out. Maybe next time.

And next week is Halloween!!

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy

I saw my new super fabulous gastroenterologist today. Don't laugh at me for putting a link for gastroenterologist because most people are lucky enough to not know what that is. He gave me the go ahead to eat salad, raw veggies and light dairy (with a lactaid tablet). And I can go back to the gym!

But, drumroll please.................I can start cutting back on the Prednisone, side effects I have experienced:

changes in vision
filling or rounding out of the face
headache
high blood pressure
muscle cramps or pain
nausea
pain in arms, back, hips, legs, ribs, or shoulders
sensitivity of eyes to light
swelling of feet or lower legs
mood swings/irritability
trouble in sleeping
unusual bruising
unusual tiredness or weakness
sweating
wounds that will not heal


I have changed the font on my emails to size 18 because my eyes are tweaky like this chick and I couldn't focus. The week after I came home from the hospital I was dizzy, felt faint and would see stars just sitting on the damn couch.

Unfortunately while I have been taking Prednisone my kids' voices sound like fingernails on a chalkboard. I am grateful beyond belief that my husband is a rock star. He will say, "Hon..." and that's interpreted as, "Hey chick you're losing it with the kids.". And then I say, "Dude seriously, I am trying to hold it together as best I can. ". And then he says, "Hey kids, let's go upstairs/downstairs/outside.".

3o minutes after I take the Prednisone in the morning this is what is happening in my frontal lobes. I like my frontal lobes when they are undisturbed.

The first week after I was released from the hosptial I would burst into tears at the slightest provacation. Then my awesome nurse practitioner prescribed me something for sleep and my weepiness turned into irritability. Except that's an understatement. Irritability is when somebody chews with their mouth open, uses double negatives, orders 5 drinks at Starbucks before 9am when there is a long line. The feelings I have are more akin to like, cutting you off in traffic at a red light, and then pulling you out of your driver's seat and beating the shit out of you. Of course I would never do that.

So before my dear nurse practioner prescribed me something for sleep I felt like these chicks. Now I only feel like them in the middle of the night. After the stuff wears off. Some sleep is better than none. So back in the day I have done some partying. Waaaay back! Have you ever taken acid (LSD) that was cut with a ton of crank? Don't worry I will answer that for you. It sucks. The pretty colors wear off and you are wide awake and it's not good. You can literally drink a 12 pack of beer and run a marathon and still not feel tired. This experience has taught me that I will never have to worry about being addicted to Cocaine or any other drug in that family. Caffiene is the strongest upper I can handle. And an occasional Sudafed, when the air gets bad. Me likey mellow.

I tried to tell my new gastroenterologist how awesome he was today, how grateful I was for the considerate, thoughtful care that he gave me. Then I started to tear up and I clammed up. And this is how awesome he is, he said, "I know the Prednisone makes you cry, I know this isn't you. And it was my total pleasure to take care of you.". Uhm of course that didn't help my condition.I am not one of those chicks who can just cry and move on. When I cry my eyes immediately swell, my face, neck and chest get red and blotchy, my nose runs, my voice gets shaky and I sound like a 12 year old boy going through puberty. It's like I am allergic to tears. So as soon as I shut myself down out of embarassement, my new doc laughed and said, "Some people actually get giddy on steroids. ". Holy shit, giddy?! I love giddy!

Starting tommorrow I get to reduce the Prednisone by 10 mg and will continue to reduce by 10 mg each week for the next 4 weeks. Phew! I will soon feel like the garden below.

Ok not really but that's my goal.

And we forgot our anniversary. Erik and I just totally forgot that October 4th was our 6 year wedding anniversary. So this weekend I nailed down Saint Sarah and we are going for volcanic ash baths and 60 minute massages in Calistoga and some dinner.

Every day is looking up!!!!!!!!!!

Beach Party from Summer 2009

Ok no more I have dishes to do!

Video from San Diego

Warning: Making videos is addictive!

Reiki Healing at Bodylines Day Spa

Last week I took advantage of the time I have Sarah to heal. Tuesday I took a nap and did some writing and Thursday I booked a Reiki Healing and massage. Reiki has worked for me in the past to bring me into deep relaxation and to feel spiritually clean. Even if it's a total bullshit placebo effect it doesn't hurt right?



I find out about Reiki from a woman I used to work with at a group home. She was born on a Cherokee Indian Reservation and her mom was Wiccan. She was a fascinating person to say the least. She used Reiki on me once for a migraine and I was sold! I thought she was touching my scalp but I kid you not her hand was 6 inches above my head. I could waves of "energy" coming off her hands and colors exploded behind my eyelids. It felt great! Other times I have enjoyed Reiki I was awake but snoring, weird huh? I was so relaxed I was stuck somewhere between sleep and wakefullness.

So last Thursday I thought I would give it another try and how about this for cosmic coincidence? The practioner is a colon cancer survivor. I didn't know that when I made the appointment, it's not something I would generally ask over the phone. So here I was just getting out of the hospital from an Ulcerative Colitis flare-up and I get a therapist who is a colon cancer survivor. I am not healed, there was no miracle, but I felt I was in safe and understanding hands.

Friday morning I ate the most solid food in a long time. I had some squishy turkey meatloaf and mashed potatoes and it gave me the energy I needed to take the monkeys to a pumpkin patch. My niece Kaitlyn came along as well.

I love hay bail mazes that are only waist high so you can actually see your kids!!! And check out the box below. Instead of sand it's all corn! It was so cool! The kids loved it, they spent at least 30 minutes playing in there.

That's Kaitlyn playing beast of burden to Bekah and one of her favorite classmates. I have to warn you right now that this is my favorite time of year to take pictures of my kids. They have their daddy's olive skin so they look beautiful in fall colors and I love to take them to pumpkin patches and parks to take pictures because the weather is perfect this time of year in the bay area.

I have to give out some more public thank yous. My friend Valerie brought us a yummy dinner last night and she is so sweet she included a mini pumpkin and stickers for me since I really can't eat too many different foods right now. But Bekah got ahold of that pumpkin before I did and decorated it for me. And Mike and Bekah came out of the woodwork to say Hi this time so they are getting over my trip to the hospital.

Another dear mom friend sent me a get well card in the mail with gift certificates to Forbes Mill's steakhouse for when I can eat LARGE portions of beef again! Yummy! Thanks so much Anne-Marie, very cool of you!

And the winner is.............my husband. He took all 3 kids out of the house all day so I can try to sleep. This Prednisone shit that I am on wakes me up in the middle of the night and I feel like I am on meth. I have been snapping at everyone all morning and instead of getting mad at me for it, he is being understanding instead. That takes a real man.

So I am going to try to get a nap if I can.

A Post from Last September 2008

Did you know that I usually drive a mini-van?
On a mom's night out, that has nothing to do with that other mom's night out, if I am lucky I get to drive my husband's car, otherwise known as our date car. It's a mercedes c230

Did you know that a manual c230 has 6 gears?
Did you know that a c230 can go 120 miles per hour?
Actually that's not true. A mercedes c230 can go 160 mph. But when you are going south on 680 at 10pm at night at 120 miles per hour you end up in Fremont before you know it and have to turn around and go home.

Did you know that going south on 680 at 120 mph at 10pm on a Monday night you can listen to The Rolling Stones, "Shattered" 10 times in a row between San Ramon and Fremont and back to San Ramon? Trust me you can and it rocks.


September 30th 2009
We have traded the Mercedes in for a Honda Accord. We will miss it but the lower car payments make it more worth it of course. The previous post was from my first blog that is now a private blog. "You Sure Do Have Your Hands Full". Just think N.E.O. Moms is almost a year old! I guess I will have to do something special for that day.

Ladybugs and Plagirism

Yesterday I was sitting around in my pajamas feeling sorry for myself when my phone rang. It was a dear friend telling me she didn't want to disturb me but that she did leave a treat on my doorstep. And then I started crying, again. Damn I hate crying. My usual moods run the gamut from happy, feisty, grumpy, sleepy, buzzed and hungry, but not weepy. I don't do weepy!

It's this fucking steroid Prednisone I am on for the next month. Like clockwork 30 minutes after I take it I start crying. For no reason! It's also making me short of breath, nauseous,sweaty and makes my legs and feet sore. So I am just limping around at home all sweaty and crying. My poor kids and husband, who the hell wants to live with that?

Well 30 minutes after I took my meds yesterday my friend showed up with her nice card and banana bread, so of course I started crying. I am now going to plagiarize what she wrote because it was directed not just at me but to all moms. I will tell you the author's name is Julie. But since I was born in 1970 pretty much all of my friends are named Julie, Stephanie, Megan, Michelle, Jennifer and a few Yvettes. So that really doesn't give you much of a clue.

The pretty card she gave me had some glittery ladybugs on it:

"I think it's time you take a second for yourself. I'm sure this flare-up was scary and humbling- health issues always are- so I hope that when (if?) you have a quiet moment you can reflect back on it and see it as a kind of wake-up call. It's so easy as mothers and wives to put ourselves on the back burner, and before you know it, the shit has really hit the fan! Please, next time you are in pain, don't try to hide it and ignore it. listen to your body, and lean a little on your support system when you need it- you clearly have an army of people around you who love you.

I hope you see this as helpful, not preachy. I adore you and want only the very best for you.
Take Care of Yourself!"

I promise I will and I want everyone else to do likewise.

I showed Erik that card last night and he totally agreed and thought it was very sweet. He told me he feels bad that I should have to cook 3 different kinds of foods every night: his dinner, my dinner if I even feel like eating, and then the kids' dinner. So I told him that some of my friends had volunteered to bring more meals and that I can ask if those are still available. Now we have 6 days of meals coming, Yay!!

I am also lettting the house go a little bit. When I get all sweaty, short of breath and start limping then I get to sit guilt free.

My oldest is having issues at school and I am not sure if he really is crying for me because he thinks I am going back to the hospital or if he is just milking it. My 5 year old is highly intelligent and OVERLY DRAMATIC. I am trying to toe the line of extra love and extra smackdown. He dropped an F bomb in class this week, but at least he used it in a sentence............. I sent an email to his teacher apologizing and asking for any brilliant ideas, she's a smart cookie so I can use her as a resource for sure. My other 2 monkeys are just more lovey dovey than usual, and that's totally fine.

And get this! My gorgeous husband has decided that waiting 3 more years for another vacation is absurb and not heathy for us as individuals, a couple and a family. I hid my sickness because I didn't want to ruin my brother's wedding and didn't want any attention on me. Fail!! So Erik wants me to book a weeklong family vacation in Februrary so that we have something to look forward to! I am on it! And Auntie M has forbidden me to take my kids to Disneyland without her. She told me she would be heartbroken and she wants to see their faces the first time they go. So we have to get planning on a early summer Disneyland trip! I haven't been to Disneyland in 26 years!!

Ok so this present nausea and sweating jag has passed and I need to clean the kitchen a little bit.