Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Liberals Need to Have More Kids

Now anyone who knows me knows that I support a woman's right to choose. I strongly believe that family planning is hugely personal and none of my damn business. So you just need to hear me out while I try to sweet-talk you into having some kids.

This weekend I was at a party at a friend's house who has 3 kids, just like me, she has a set of twins though. I met this woman through my old mom's club that I unintentionally blew up. I have remained friends with her because she is way cool and because I don't feel like a freak of nature around her. This woman is also a member of a club for mother's of twins, triplets etc. A few months ago the 2 clubs collided at a kiddie museum, and I felt so much more at home with the mom's of multiple children. Recalling this experience with her, over a few glasses of wine last weekend, got me to thinking how come I can't find more like-minded people with more than 2 kids.

So I started searching on the internet, and basically it's divided into 2 camps: Conservatives with big familes and Liberals with zero, 1 or 2 kids. I could not find anything about Liberals embracing large families.

And yes I know the first argument I am going to hear; Carbon Footprint. I get it, more people on this planet depletes more resources. But what if Liberals have more kids than the Conservatives and the Liberals' kids grow up to be fiercely ecological and save the planet? It could happen.

Simply put the Xtian right wing are popping out babies all over the place, so some of us liberals have to do our part to stock the voting booths. Just because Obama got into office doesn't mean we can get all complacement, we need to think 4 years ahead. My genes gave me the hips and boobs, and society gave me the attitude needed to produce some compassionate, and informed, future voters. I have done my part what about you?

I truly understand your hesitation. Honestly for years I did not want kids at all, but then I met a man worthy of children. I dated many a guy I would marry, but not reproduce with. My standards for myself are much lower than the standards I set for a father of my children. My husband would have many more kids, but being pregnant is not my favorite state of being, so I am done.

Need a little more proof that Liberals need to have more kids. Check out the link below. It is an excellent article explaining in length, the diminishing population of progressives. Progressive is what you can call yourself if Liberal makes you feel funny. In summary, Conservatives have huge families mostly because they follow more evangelical religions. And it shows that statistically most kids do not rebel against Conservative parents, so therefore they also give birth to large Conservative families. Not good for the future of my America.


Even further proof that Liberals/Progressives need to outnumber the politically Conservative. Below is a disgusting racist article from a racist blog that I tripped upon while doing my half-assed research this evening. This moron cites the Duggar family (Mormons with 18 kids) as the perfect "White" family. Ewwww. The comments were just as revolting. The people who read this blog were going on about how wonderful it is that all of these children only have one father and that they are not minorities and hopefully the Liberal media won't villify them. Frightening.


Leave it to S.F. Gate to put it into basic terms for the simple-minded like me. This chick cites Longman's essay, and breaks it down simply that Liberals need to have more kids, not pets. She closes the article by making a joke about putting birth control in the water system of Salt Lake City, Utah. That's one way to take care of a Red state.


So if you can afford them, have a few. Take one for the team, I sure did.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

A Growing Population of NEO Moms


So it seems that there is a real need for mom's groups that restrict the membership of easily offended moms. In the above link I found 2 groups that state what they dont' want. Check out Hot Mommys and No Mama Drama. I love it!!

Friday, December 26, 2008

Poor Santa

http://www.sfgate. com/cgi-bin/ blogs/parenting/ detail?blogid= 29&entry_id=33977# readmore

I need to interrupt my history of N.E.O. Moms to send this above link. It's a bunch of pictures of kids losing their minds while sitting on Santa's lap. Funny as hell.

As I told my friends if the worst thing you ever do to your child is make then sit on Santa's lap for a picture, then you are a good parent.

The Last Word on History-Disclaimers Are Good In The Land Of Lawsuits

I am an over-explainer, like most women, so that's why I am going on and on about why I started this blog for not easily offended moms. Otherwise known as N.E.O.Moms.

For somebody just tuning in; I am a nice person with a big mouth that got me into trouble and I was kicked off the Yahoo! groups of a mom's club and then I eventually quit the whole club because some women could seriously not get over it! They were calling each other and crying and reading my other blog and calling their friends and telling them to read it and then crying some more and sending me bitchy emails. Wow! It was like being a hermaphrodite in 8th grade gym class, or something similar.

So I quit the club thinking that if you take the fuel out of the fire it would die, right? Wrong. So below is a disclaimer I had to put on my other blog telling women to stop reading my blog and thinking it's about them. And actually it's a pretty good disclaimer for any blog, including N.E.O. Moms, so keep that in mind when you read it. Of course if you have gotten this far you are probably not one of those stick up your ass kind of chicks who needs disclaimers.

November 1st 2008

Last night I had a dream that I was in bookstore and found one of my old journals on a bookshelf. It doesn't take Freud to figure what that meant. My blog is my online journal that I let people look at. And even though this is my intellectual property if I put the names of real people in here I have to take responsibility for that.

A few times this week I have been asked to change some stuff on my blog. The first person to do so is a beloved friend. A rational, loving, kind and well-balanced person that I would take a bullet for with no hesitation. So I dropped everything I was doing and complied with her request.

Another person, quite unlike the person described above, also asked me to do so. No.

I have also received a thinly veiled threat of a lawsuit.

I know, I know. You are thinking "What?! Really?! Are you shitting me?!" No I am not. Even though this blog was originally started as a creative outlet for me some people actually enjoy reading it. I am very flattered by that. But there are also some people who enjoy reading it so they can cause drama and strife.

Some moms have started to read it because it's becoming a little bit like Jerry Springer and they think it's funny, I am ok with that too. I slow down on the freeway to look at car wrecks too. But some people are reading it because they are the type of people who like to pick scabs and then get upset when they bleed.

So today instead of sweating off Halloween candy on the treadmill I am going through my entire blog and removing names. I am using my gym's free WiFi and day care because I am paranoid enough to believe this thinly veiled threat.

I am very angry about this. After today if you read a description of a person and you think it's about you, it's not. I know the old saying is if it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck and looks like a duck then it must be a duck. When it comes to my blog that saying does not apply. If I don't name it duck, then it's not a duck, it's a unicorn.

Even if you swear up and down the person I am describing is you, it's not. Even if you really want it to be you, it's not. Even if anywhere I go or groups I belong to sound familiar, they are not. It's a coincidence or a complete fabrication. This blog now exists in a identical twin parallel universe. And my universe is better than your's and crazy, psycho, drama queens are not welcome.

Lawyers aren't welcome either. Unless I was already friends with them before today.

But if you are angry and just really, really have to say something to me about it. Don't email me, please feel free to leave a comment on my blog. That way everyone can share my joy. Save the drama for your mama and vote for Obama. That came from a friend but I can't put her name here anymore.

Remember it's all about me, not you!!!!!!

More History-Been Booted

Ok really fast, my name is Charlotte, I have a big mouth (which really comes across through email), and I blew up a mom's club. That got me to thinking where do the moms go that aren't easily offended by everyday life. Then I thought in my spare time, which comes between diapers and laundry, I should start a blog where moms can read about other moms that aren't afraid to have a life outside of their kid's lives. So that's where this blog came from and I am still cutting and pasting the evolution of N.E.O. Moms from my other blog. That other blog is mostly day to day kids and family stuff but you can still look at it if you want. http://yousuredohaveyourhandsfull.blogspot.com/

Halloween 2008

So I ended up getting kicked off my mom's club yahoo groups, and may get kicked out of the entire club. Lame. My husband has started calling me a social pariah. I know who my friends are, but still I feel like such a loser.

I have been kicked out of parties, bars, restaurants and classrooms but a mom's club? That is a new low.

It's possible I can write a suck up letter to the International Group of Mothers (yes that does exist), I am still pondering that idea. Not sure if it's worth the effort.

More History-What Happens When You Associate With Psycho Chicks

So I am still trying to explain the why and how of this blog. How it came about, why I feel it's necessary. I am cutting and pasting from my other blog about the incident that caused my old mom's club to blow up.

To bring you up to speed; I was in mom's club with cool chicks, but then prudish and some mentally unbalanced women joined and changed the entire mood and direction of our club. I have a big mouth and pissed off some people. But people that really know me, know I was just kidding and that I am relatively harmless. I sent a smart-ass email to some friends and one chick I felt sorry for cause she is kind of crazy and unemployable. Well she is a lot more crazy than I thought because she turned around and sent it to everyone!!

Now not for one minute do I think that was an accident. But I really do think she is nutsy-cuckoo so I just can't bring myself to say it was totally and completely on purpose. So that's why I continue to say she did it on accident, even though my friends don't use that word at all.

October 2008

As much complaining as I do about drama in my moms club, now I am the unintentional instigator. Somebody accidentally sent my fake letter to the whole mom's club.

My joke letter was buried under a thread of emails that had turned to talking about the cold weather in the East. So hopefully most people won't scroll all the way down and read the original email. Ugh, I was just venting I didn't want people's feelings to get hurt. Now I have caused more work and problems for our president M and her son is sick and she doesn't need this. I just hope I don't have to kiss ass or get kicked out. I will of course take responsibility for my big mouth, but it's gonna hurt.

I am going to take the kids out of town today and hide. Wish me luck.

More Mama Drama-The Consequence of Being a Smart-Ass

So I will briefly explain what is below. I blew up a mom's club. It was an awesome group of women and then it got too big and some not so awesome women joined and they were too easily offended. Below is an explanation of what went down. It is from my other blog that has more to do with me and my kids, this new blog is just for moms who don't have sticks up their asses. Below is some of history about how this new blog needs to exist.

October 2008

Oh will it ever end? So I wrote in an earlier post about the drama going on in my mom's club. Drama that is completely new to us as we grow larger and less intimate. I will be brief in my explanation of this new shitstorm that I have apparently caused.

My friend and former President of the moms club's husband is running for water management board, and I am not using any names here or real positions. So our club was running a poll and I made a joke saying that a poll was a great way to practice voting for next week and that we should vote No on 8, Yes on Obama and Yes on this woman's husband. So a new member I have never met or heard of, sent out an email saying that the mom's club is not a political club and that I need to keep my opinions to myself. So I felt bad because I am causing problems for my friend who is president, so I sent out a nice apology. That is the email directly below. Well a bunch of other moms sent me personal emails expressing disbelief that somebody could actually be offended so I wrote a fake letter just for them. That one is below the real one that I sent out.

Dear L and anyone I offended,

As a former member of the board, I am aware of the bylaws and you are right this is not a political club. By the way the bylaws are a great way to cure insomnia, just ask Madame President M. I know she has had to peruse them quite frequently in the past few weeks and I sincerely apologize to her for causing any problems with my previous email. I also apologize to you L. and anyone else that was offended.

L. since you are new I am sure we haven't met and you may not be aware that there was a punchline in that email. Our former Moms Club President's husband is running for the San Ramon Water Management Board. Though this role is important, it is politically benign and he is a super nice guy so I was offering my support. So when it comes to apologies, I don't apologize for saying vote for him. Unless of course your partner is running against him for same position and then I do apologize to you again.

L. I encourage you to participate at club events and then you can see that we are all friendly, but it's hard to tell that by emails sometimes unless you rely heavily on emoticons to express yourself. # : ) I did not make it to all of the events this week and if you were at the Halloween party this morning I am sorry I didn't get a chance to introduce myself, I was chasing my boys.

Welcome to the club,
Charlotte mother to:Michael 4 years old, Rebekah almost 3 years old and Jacob 19 months old

Below is the fake email that I only sent to a few people, it was just my way of venting.

Dear L. and any other bitch that bursts into tears when somebody looks at you cross-eyed,

As a former member of the board, a thankless job just like motherhood, I am completely aware that I was breaking one of our million bylaws. I have to admit I was fishing people like you out of the moms club population so when we do split off I know where not to go. I do apologize to M for causing her to have to deal with more whining that seems to never end from the likes of you. Thing is M is a big girl and will probably get over it loooong before you do.

L. , and you other bitches, since you are new we probably haven't met and if we have it will probably take me a year to remember your face since all the pot I smoked in an earlier life and the ravages of motherhood have left me short on braincells. It would also help though if you actually showed up to moms club events. Before having kids I was never in a club so I really don't understand the point of joining something and never showing up. (Well except for my old gym membership. )Unless you actually like to sit home in your p.j.s feeling sorry for yourself and sending out snotty emails, then by all means party on.

But actually we are really friendly in person, in fact if you showed up in your p.j.s nobody would really care, especially if you bring us cookies. In fact I went to a moms club event today, without showering and wearing one of my husband's shirts and people still talked to me. My kids looked gorgeous and we were out of the house socializing and that is what is most important.

If you and the other spazzes would come to stuff you would also maybe get some inside jokes because you would meet other moms and know who they are and that their husband was running for city stuff. I mean really if I didn't know my friend do you think I would give a flying fuck about the water management board?!

Ok really we had 4 events going on this week, you could at least go to 1! And don't fucking whine to me how hard it is to get out of the house, I am well aware of that. My morning started before the sun came up and before noon I had changed 4 diapers, fed 6 mammals if you include all my kids, me, my husband and the damn cat,made a sack lunch,dressed 2 kids and yelled at the other to dress himself, brushed their hair, took one kid to preschool while the other 2 tagged along, delivered a bale of hay and cheese and crackers to a moms club event and made sure my boys ate something besides cookies and cigarette butts, returned the bale of hay, got the van washed and vacuumed all the hay out, fed the boys lunch, dropped off son at school and picked up daughter, put her and younger brother down to nap, ate my lunch, and drank roughly 600 milligrams of caffiene. I dare you to whine to my face about how hard it is to get out of the house.

Welcome to the club,

Charlotte mother to:
Michael 4 years old honey moon baby, Rebekah almost 3 years old didn't use a condom or birth control after I stopped nursing, Jacob 19 months old was on the birth control pill for the first 7 weeks of his gestational life.

L. you didn't tell us your political affiliation when you sent out your brief, albeit bitchy email, so I will just take a wild guess that you won't be needing any extra No On 8 signs from my front yard. Go ahead and call me a liberal queer loving fag hag, because I have been called worse. In fact if you have been in our moms club for awhile you would know that my 4 year old has been known to call me a poopy vagina.
Peace out.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The Beginning of the Shit Storm

Friday, October 17, 2008

Mama Drama
So I am in a moms club, and have been since my oldest was 6 months old. The camraderie and support have been a lifesaver. In the almost 4 years that I have been a member we have been mostly free of any controversy, until now. As the population of our club increases, so does the variety of personalities. We communicate by an email group, so of course the amount of emails have increased as well. This is where the conflict lies.

Some of the moms were annoyed by the amount of emails,and then offended by content. This prompted our dear leader to send out an email that was basically a copy and paste of the bylaws. She is a cool chick and she is just fulfilling one of the roles of her position.

Well this made me, and some of my more vociferous friends, to wonder if it was something in particular that we wrote that provoked this smackdown. Was it the email thread about penis water bottles, sex in exotic places, discarded foreskins or alcohol consumption, we will never know.

So everyone was on eggshells, sending out emails with disclaimers stating, I hope this is ok, I hope nobody is offended, I hope this is within our bylaws. I of course was one of those people and I sent it out tongue and cheek thinking this silliness would blow over and we could get back to the camraderie I thought all of us were enjoying. Wrong. I received a personal email back setting my ass straight.

This email was long, and swaddled in phrases of support for fellow moms, like respecting other mother's time and being sensitive to other mom's thresholds of offensiveness. But none of this could hide the underlying tone of condescension and control. I don't do condescending or authority very well.

After reading this email I was fuming. I tried to sleep on it but that didn't work. I sent it to some very close friends to get feedback and that didn't quell my anger either. Then I sent out a smartass remark about mom's being too tired to use the delete button and that started a shit storm.

An onslaught of emails were posted by women whining about having to wade through a barrage of emails they found to be frivolous and inappropriate. They complained about their precious morning, and afternoons, being wasted because they had to read all these offensive emails. What ever happened to the delete buttons on their computers? When I am confronted by a boring thread of emails, I just delete them, no big deal.

As for offensiveness, this really gets my goat. We are mothers, we are women, we are adults. To paraphrase a dear friend, you have to have sex to be a mother, it's kind of a prerequisite. So even if you adopted your child or used IVF, it's most likely that you at one point had sex and figured out it wasn't working like you planned. Even if you are a lesbian mother and have never had sex with a man, you at some point probably had sex with your partner. (And seriously if you have ever gone muff-diving, I am thinking you don't have a conservative bone left in your body. )

Considering the level of alarm that some of the mothers have expressed about the content of emails and conversations at our mom's night outs, I am thinking that their children are a result of virgin births or sex through a hole in a sheet.

Yes, you heard right, somebody complained about the adult conversations at one of our recent mom's nights out. Once a month we have a mom's night out event, with no children allowed. At the last event no children were present and somebody actually complained that we were talking about sex.

If there are no children present then adult conversation is not inappropriate. Adult conversation should not be censored from email as well because it is assumed that a child is not reading an adult's emails. It is a parent's responsibility to make sure their children are not subjected to anything beyond their comprehension.

I am not alone in my opinion. I have received personal emails from women not easily offended, who agree with me and are dismayed by the path our club is taking. What is appropriate for adults is not appropriate for children. A successful mother's club realizes that distinction. What the new moms have yet to learn is that you can love and serve your children without sacrificing yourself. It is totally ok for you to be your true self and positively channel that into your childrearing practices. Otherwise you are going to be left alone with your husband, and you are going to be nothing but a shell. I am not talking about a pretty abalone shell, I am talking about an empty snail shell, with cobwebs.

It is absolutely fine for you to still hold onto the interests you had before becoming a parent. You may have to get a sitter to participate in them, or even delay those activities for a few years, but you should not give them up. I enjoy cooking, dining out and reading. I can cook for guests while they watch my kids, and keep them out of the kitchen. I get a sitter to dine out, and I read before bed when my kids are asleep.

What I really miss is listening to classical music and doing jigsaw puzzles. I know, I know, I am a closet nerd. I can put on classical music but my kids would eat and/or destroy a jigsaw puzzle so I don't even try. We are working up to camping and hiking. My point is that you don't have to completely give up who you are to be a good mom.

So is this division in the mom's club, from new, inexperienced moms or is it a deeper division of philosophy? I recently went to a new member's house and saw a giant cross hanging on her wall. If I was a vampire or a werewolf, I would not feel safe in this neighborhood. As a Jew, I felt a little squirmy. I had a paranoid premonition that things in the mom's club were gonna change. Turns out I wasn't so paranoid. I really hope that is not it. If this sudden upheaval and outrage over behavior we have grown accustomed to, is because of an infiltration of conservative christians, then I hope they join a mom's club in their church, or I will just hit the road myself.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

A blog seperate from my family blog

I started this new blog because I feel responsible for blowing up my mom's club. Now it's cleaving into 2 groups and I am a member of neither! Me and my big mouth. The story is long and complicated, but funny in a squirmy-I-am-so-glad-I-am-not-her kind of way. I will get to that later.

When bitching and moaning about the fact that the newer members of my old mom's club were rather stodgy, I got so many emails and calls from friends in and out of that particular mom's club telling me that judgemental, prudish women were common! Really? And then I had to defend my old mom's club, saying, "Oh no we used to be really cool and mellow we just got too big. And then some conservative chicks joined and it went downhill.". But alot of mom's were adamant that the majority of women in any mom's club are stuck-up, prudish and just plain mean. How sad.

So 2 friends of mine started an informal group of moms and asked me to be an honorary "leader" since I am the one who started the need for a group of moms that aren't uptight. I also started this because I wanted a place where I could share stories, thoughts and activities of moms who don't get their panties in a bunch over nothing! So that's why I started this blog.

So let's see how this pans out.

Work In Progress

Awwww blogger........... like a comfy pair of jeans where you don't have to suck in your stomach. I am switching the whole N.E.O. Moms thing over from word press to here. Word Press hurt my small reptilian brain.

Stay tuned.