Reader's Choice; Regrets.

I have had writer's block lately. That thing called life keeps getting in the way. I asked my "fans" on my Facebook page to inspire me and give me some topics.  Both Clare and Jen asked if I had any regrets or if I could go back in a time machine what year would I change. 

The answer is no.  Every decision I have made, or experience that I have had, has made me the person I am today and I don't want to change that.  Even the bad stuff, because it's better the devil you know, than the devil you don't. 

I have been mulling about this topic all morning. When this happens my brain turns into a cable news channel. No matter what is happening on the main screen there is a line of words continuously scrolling across the bottom. I am engaged with my present life but there is that scroll of words, which are my thoughts, just moving and changing as I edit out or in what I am going to blog about later.

At first I thought I am going to list every decision or experience I have ever had and blog about why I don't regret it. But as I did a mental review of my life I got bored, sad, and embarrassed. I realized any readers were going to have those same feelings. I can handle you being sad or embarrassed but not bored! 

This blog is supposed to be about moms not easily offended by the realities of life so I decided to be real. No fluffy stuff. If you can't handle that right now then you are welcome to bail and go read Moms Who Drink and Swear (my favorite). 

I am going to write about experiences and decisions I have made, but only since becoming a mother. So as to keep it brief, and not bore the shit out of everyone. Below will be a list of the topics:

Having kids

Getting pregnant on my honeymoon

Not breastfeeding beyond 6 months

Getting a nanny even though I am a stay-at-home-mom

Abortion/Autism/The big V

Buying this house

Anti-depressants

Starting my blog

Quitting the Mom's Club before getting kicked out of it

Mike's diagnosis

Re-joining the Mom's Club

Almost losing my colon

Right now

If you are starting to get bored already I will just tell that the question is do I regret any of these and the answer is no. But if you want to know why then read on.

Having kids: For those who have known me pre marriage I used to say that I didn't want to have kids at all.  And I meant it. But that's because I never met a man who I thought was capable of being a good father.  Then I found Erik. Problem solved, he is a kick ass dad, husband and my best friend. 

Getting pregnant on my honeymoon: I don't regret that though it was surprising and a tad inconvenient.  I was wearing maternity clothes and still sending out thank you cards for wedding gifts. 

Not breastfeeding beyond 6 months: I only lasted this long with Mike because he was a bad sucker and I mostly pumped and fed him breast milk from a bottle anyways. And I wouldn't have gotten pregnant with Bekah if I had continued to breastfeed him.  I only lasted 6 months with Bekah because I needed to go on an antibiotic for  2 weeks so I just quit. I lasted 10 months with Jake because he was a good sucker and by then I could nurse and walk around and yell at the other two.

Getting a nanny: LOSER! You are a stay-at-home-mom and you have a nanny how fucking lazy are you?! This is what I used to think about women with nannies. Then when Bekah was 5 weeks old I was nursing her and Mike got mad because Sesame Street ended so he launched himself off the couch, did a flip, landed on his head, held his breath and passed out. I thought he was going to be a paraplegic.  I put Bekah on the floor and dialed 9-1-1.  Mike was of course fine and showed the super cute firemen his firetruck.  I was still in my jammies with milk leaking from my breasts and generally looked like shit. The next day I started the search for a nanny and I never looked back. When you find the right person to care for your kids you realize that there is nothing wrong with another person loving your children. 

Abortion/Autism/The big V: Life was perfect! I had a boy, I had a girl, my husband's practice was going great, our house had gone up in value and then blam I got pregnant again!  The birth control pill failed me for the first time in my life. I was NOT going to have 3 kids all under the age of 3 years old and all in diapers, oh hell no!!!!! But my husband talked me out of it, he said,"Families who can afford to feed their kids don't have abortions.". And I am glad I listened. He did schedule a vasectomy that day to be done in the future.


Some of you may be thinking that, "Wow she chose to have her son and then he ended up having Autism. I wonder if she regrets that.". No. He's the cutest one.  I don't regret, I don't resent. His dimples, big brown eyes and blonde curls are those of an angel. And that's what he is. A mystery, a challenge, an angel. Every day I am a better person because of him. That doesn't mean I don't yell at him like I do to my other two but sometimes when nobody is looking I give him extra candy. He's my baby. He's my heart walking outside of my body that I will never be able to fully protect.  

Please watch this video while I go dab my eyes. It never fails to make me laugh.

 Buying this house: I miss my old  house. It had a giant grassy yard with tons of trees. But it was too small for our growing family. So we put it up for sale, and selling that house and moving into this house, which tanked in value almost did me in.  I started to bite my fingernails for the first time in my life.  Keeping a house clean enough to sell with 3 kids under the age of 3 was brutal and then moving and unpacking......actually I never finished unpacking and we have been here for 4 years. But we have a bigger house and someday the value will be regained. And our old house was perfect for the family that moved into it. 

Anti-depressants: Shortly after we moved into this house I started to wean Jake. I had gotten pregnant so quickly after having Bekah and Mike that I never experienced any post-partum "feelings".  I really thought I had escaped it, and I was so happy because that sure didn't look fun. And then I weaned Jake and my body was not nursing and not pregnant for the first time in 3 years. I won't share the gory details, if you have been there yourself you don't want to hear it anyways. I used to think anti-depressants were for weak people. IDIOT!!!! I will never go off of them, ever. If momma ain't happy then ain't nobody happy.

Starting my blog:  I had another blog before this, "You Sure Do Have Your Hands Full." Erik suggested I write to help me get stuff off my chest.  Marrying him was the best choice I ever made even though he created a monster with the whole blog thing. It was a great idea but it got me in trouble and that blog is private now. Read below.

Quitting the Mom's Club before getting kicked out: I promise not to rehash this embarrassing episode of my life.  You can read about it here. I don't regret that because I wouldn't have started this blog. 

Mike's Diagnosis: March 2 years ago my oldest son was diagnosed with ADHD and Sensory Processing disorder and my youngest was diagnosed with Autism. Not a good month. I went through all the stages of denial etc. etc. and now I look at Mike's diagnosis as a gift and Jake's as a challenge. All my children are gifts I don't deserve.

Re-joining the Mom's Club: Yep after all that drama I asked to return. I still had a young one at home and he needed socialization.  I am totally glad I did even if I had to swallow my pride.

Almost losing my colon: The last year and a 1/2 were the worst for my health.  I have Ulcerative Colitis and almost lost my colon. Last ditch switch to a new medication and I am totally happy and healthy again. 

Right now: I am good! I am healthy, so are my kids.  All of them are excelling in school and we are taking Jake to a developmental pediatrician to get a more detailed treatment plan. My husband is moving into a brand new office and even though he is a grouchy ass nervous wreck right now, it's going to be wonderful.  I have an awesome support system of friends and family and I am so grateful for everything in my life. 

I don't regret anything. Here is a song to express my feelings. 

Wait for it.......right after the minute mark and it's worth it. 

What It's Like

Below is a picture of my 3 monkeys.  My four year old on the far right is named Jacob and he has Autism.  He's beautiful. 

I get a lot of emails and Facebook postings in regards to Autism in an attempt to educate myself about my son's condition.  I don't read all of them and I rarely watch a video. Today I did, and I am so glad. It's hard to explain how it feels to have a child with Autism and not everyone has the same experience. I find it hard to put my feelings about my son into words. I don't want to get emotional or sound flippant, I don't want pity and I don't want to make others feel uncomfortable. Questions are welcome, parenting advice is not. 

The video I watched today.......nailed it. At least for me. This father, without using spoken words, said exactly what I feel. And when he held up the notecard that says, "They came to our house.", my tears started flowing. Ugh, I hate crying sooo much! But that day those people came to my house to assess Jacob was, excuse my language, absolutely shitty!

In fact the experience inspired me to write a poem, not something you will usually get from me unless it's more like a dirty limerick. I copied my poem below this video. Will you watch it for me?  Will you read my poem? I appreciate you.

A deep, searing breath

a retching cough

rub my eyes

tuck a curl behind my ear

wipe the hot tears off my cheeks

3 faces swimming in my living room

telling me my youngest needs further assesment forAutism

I scoop up my son

I offer them coffee and fudge

he sings Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star into my ear

I squeeze him and rock him

I glance at the clock

one face asks me if I need to leave to pick up my other kids

I say no we have 30 minutes

He laughs, looks at his colleagues and says, "We rocked this.".

Another face grimaces and asks me if I have questions.

Yes.

Can you be wrong?

Can somebody else with more letters behind their surname

deliver better news?

And once my child suceeds beyond all expectations

can his records be sealed so nobody can ever label him?

I need to go to bed,

I need to drive,

I need to drink,

I need to go to the beach and feel the sand beneath my toes,

I need the sound of the surf in my ears,

I need the cold wind to bring fresh tears to my eyes.

I need to yell,

I need to kick,

I need to hit,

And I can't.

I am a mother

and I have to maintain.

I have to smile.

I have to love.

Jump through hoops.

I need help.

I Support Violence Against Children

Of course I do not support violence against children. Sigh. But if you haven't been on Facebook yet today let me tell you what's going on. There is currently a campaign on Facebook right now encouraging people to change their profile pictures to a favorite cartoon character to make a stand against child abuse. Below is the status update explaining this phenomenon.



"Change your FB profile picture to a cartoon from your childhood. The goal? To


not see a single human face on FB until Monday, December 6th. Join the

fight against child abuse; copy & paste and invite your friends to

do the same."


Let me tell you why I am refusing to do this, even though the majority of my friends and family are participating in this event. I do not want to equate the cartoons of my childhood with child abuse. It disturbs me.

"The Goal? To not see a single human face.....". That is a horrible goal! Humans commit the crime of child abuse, not fictional cartoon characters.

Want to make a stand against child abuse? Put a human face on it.  Not a victim's face, an offender's face.

 I am not really suggesting anyone do this, but I believe it would be way more appropriate to change your profile picture to the picture of a child abuser. Maybe a picture of your own abuser. The majority of crimes against children are done by a family member or "friend". 

 It's a very real possibility that a lot of Facebook members have a picture of their offender.  Do you want to equate that person with your favorite cartoon character?  Do you want one of your friends to look at your profile picture of a cartoon and be invaded by unpleasant memories?

You can't control how another person feels or perceives, I realize that.  I know that everyone who is participating in this has only the best intentions in their heart.  Otherwise you wouldn't be my Facebook friend, right?  I am just telling you that I feel, strongly, that refusing to participate in this particular campaign will be more effective in the long run.

What did I do today to prevent child abuse? I kept myself healthy, I talked and listened to my kids, and I took time to check in with their teachers. Think globally, but start locally.

 This time of the year is supposed to be gleeful and joyous. But it can be stressful, demanding, depressing and very disappointing. Do you want to avoid child abuse? Give yourself, or a parent you know a break.

Below are some websites from people who work hard everyday to prevent child abuse and take care of victims.

Stop it Now!

First 5 California

Child Abuse Prevention Council

Child Abuse Prevention Association

 
 
I promise the next thing I write will be funny.

Facebook Politics

It's Easter morning. My dear husband let me sleep in and then he took my place in bed when I got up. I staggered downstairs for some coffee. Checked on the monkeys who were doing various monkey activities and then I sat down with my laptop.



My Aunt Kitty posted something about Sarah Palin in her Facebook status. Palin is speaking at CSUS (Stanislaus) at $5oo. a head. You wanna get my panties in a bunch? Just mention Sarah Palin. And I am not the only one who feels that way, because Aunt Kitty's friends started chiming in about what an idiot Palin is. But then my dear sweet Uncle Ron (Kitty's brother), is a conservative (my label, not his) and starts to relate a different point of view. And in his defense, makes an excellent point that we are attacking her on her personal views and not her political actions.

This was a great mental exercise for me, to remind me why I don't support Palin, that's it's not just because her voice makes me want to stick ice picks in my ears. And since I spent 30 minutes organizing my thoughts, I realized I had better put my mini-article on my blog. It took me 30 minutes instead of 5, because as soon as my kids get a whiff of me actually concentrating on something, they descend from the ceiling to harass me!


I had to bribe them with cookies at 9:30am, so I wouldn't sound like a shrill, pissed off, brainless liberal.I explained why I don't support Palin, but I also put some issues where I agree with her because I try to be fair. I mentioned Harry Belafonte, because he was also a guest speaker at Stanislaus State and that dude is even too liberal for me. Below is what I wrote on my Aunt's profile page:






"I am an idiot, but I don't put it out there and try to run for political office. I try to keep my idiocy to myself, and I don't always suceed at that.

I also do not like Harry Belafonte, America should not be like any country but America, we are the best.

As for political views, I have to say Palin is the most consistent on fiscal responsibility, except charging rape victims for their rape kits is repulsive. How would you like to get that bill in your mail?

Areas I agree on with Palin (and it makes me nauseous to admit this in public): fiscal responsibility, she's tough on crime, and has a mostly open mind on education (except for creationism). She supports automatic death penalty for child murderers, I can't argue with that. And I know everyone thinks I am a crazy liberal but I believe in the right to bear arms and eco-responsible hunting. You kill it you eat it, and you better make a jacket too. Sarah shoots wolves from a helicopter, that's effed up.

On social issues I am the polar opposite of her. I am unapologetically pro-choice,and pro-gay marriage. I dont' even understand how you can argue that evolution and global warming are anything but fact. And for goodness sake if my teenage daughter turned up pregnant, I would take myself out of the public spotlight. Sarah or her husband should have quit their job and reformed their family structure. Not drag their kids and newborn special needs son around the country.

Sorry Aunt Kitty for blowing up your profile."

So what is your family doing this fine Easter morning?

My Take on American Idol

I feel the need to comment on American Idol but my husband is doing work. And when I spout off about American Idol on Facebook people unfriend me.

The first singer was that teen-aged girl that sang Kelly Clarkson. Torture!! Boringggg. This is when I miss Paula, because then she would say, "But you look pretty.".

I love that Siobhan chick!! She is the one who sang House of the Rising Sun because that's her Dad's favorite song. I thought she did an awesome job! And then Simon ripped on her. Who pissed in his Cheerios?

That one chick is trying too hard to look like Pat Benatar. Her hair bugs me and I thought she was a snooze fest. But the judges liked her so what the fuck do I know?


That chick with the really cool blond, curly hair sang Carole King and she sang it too fast. I like her too, I don't want her to fail.


I hope I don't have to repeat this every week, but if you are going to sing Stevie Nicks, Pat Benatar, Heart etc. don't fuck it up. Just don't. The judges loved that weepy girl who sang Rhiannon (one of my favorite songs in the universe) and I thought it was too shrieky.

I liked the girl named Kaitlyn mostly because I have a niece named Kaitlyn. But the song she chose was just too old for her. She needs to sing something bubbly. The judges agreed with me but they really didn't need to tear her a new asshole on live television............that was kind of harsh.

Siobhan and dread locked single mom are my favorite contestants this year. She sang Tracy Chapman tonight, which is a no-brainer perfect song for her. I thought for sure Simon was going to say that was a "too safe" song choice but he didn't!!

I am into mandolins and banjos and all that but I thought that frosted hair wanna be Blondie sucked! But the judges loved her too! I guess I just couldn't get the original "I Fall to Pieces" out of my head.

Tomorrow night are the men and they are no Adam Lamberts. The only guy I like was the Hispanic guy with the tattoo on his neck. He didn't go home did he? I can't even remember what happened last week. Shit if my short-term memory is this bad at 39, what am I going to be like when I am 89?

Oh nevermind, Erik looked it up for me and that guy is still on the show and so is the guy who should never wear a shirt. We are so nerdy sitting here with our dueling laptops.

Pure Randomness

I have no particular subject to write about at this moment. My blogging/writing/creativity is suffering because I am no longer breastfeeding and my kids don't nap. When I first started blogging I would create blog posts in my head while breastfeeding, and then type them out during nap times. Those segments of "leisure" time no longer exist and now my brain is constantly preoccupied with monkey activities, or planning monkey activities. When I sit at my computer now I just play Farmville or some other time-waster on Facebook. Or I harass evil conservatives on Twitter or annoy the shit out of my mom friends by sending out stupid emails. Or I make up radio stations on Pandora, and then delete them later on.

I usually think of something brilliant to write just as I am falling asleep but when the morning rolls around I have already forgotten what it was. Now that my kids mostly sleep through the night, I don't remember those thoughts at 3am, because I roll-over and go back to sleep, or pee and then go back to sleep, or elbow my husband in the ribs to make him stop snoring and then go back to sleep. Instead of getting up to nurse, change a diaper, eat a bowl of cereal etc. etc.

I am not completely ready to give up blogging though. Not yet. I do have some random stuff in my head to share.

Remember that big ass earthquake that just happened in Chile? I had the news on that morning while my Dad was visiting and we were discussing it before my father slaughtered me at Scrabble. 3 days later I was driving in the van with the monkeys and Mike pipes up, "Mom where is your salami?"
"Salami?!"
"Yes, your salami, when is it going to come to San Ramon?"
"Salami?!! Mike what are you talking about?!!"
"Mom the big wave!! When is it going to hit us?"
I started to laugh so hard I swerved, and almost hit the center divider on San Ramon Valley Blvd.
"Honey that is a Tsunami, not a salami!"

Today Mike proclaimed that he is the master of all farts. I took a deep breath and composed a poker face and told him that was inappropriate. But seriously since Mike lives off of Dino nuggets and fruit he really is the master of all farts, so it was hard not to laugh. I just marvel at what his brain comes up with.

My youngest is thriving in speech therapy. In just a short time he went from gibberish and grunts to short sentences, and he is much easier to understand. The only quandary is that now he can ask for stuff and it's so wonderful to hear him talk that you just want to give it to him. Unfortunately he has learned how to ask for cookies, cupcakes, candy, or to go outside when it's raining etc. and it just breaks my heart to have to say no. I know how hard he works to communicate, and it is such a joy to hear his cute voice, but of course I still have to set the same rules with him as I do with Mike and Bekah. But shhhh, sometimes I do sneak him candy from my PMS stash.

Speaking of Jake his speech delay is significant enough to require special education preschool. I know it's what he needs but no parent wants to have their child need special education. I am just praying he will catch up with his peers by Kindergarten. And yes even though I am a dirty hippie Liberal, I pray. How can you be a mother and not pray? Even moms who are atheists pray, and if they say they don't pray, they are lying through their teeth!

So here is something that makes me angry..........how come nobody told me how sassy and bossy 4 year old girls can be?! When Mike turned 4 he went from a satanic 3 year to a really sweet 4 year old. I expected my daughter to do the same. But noooooo, she went from oppositional-defiant 3 year old to back-talking tyrant 4 year old. And I am actually kind of angry at my mom friends for not warning me. I know that sounds irrational, but damn what's the point of being in a mom's club and going outside of my comfort zone to make new friends if you all aren't willing to throw me a bone when it comes to new milestones. I am mostly kidding. I should know by now that every day, is a new day, when you are a parent. Just when you get used to a certain behavior their little brains and bodies go through a growth spurt and leave your aging ass, and brain, behind in the dust.

For example, I served my hazel eyed monster her breakfast the other morning and she actually said, "This is not what I ordered" and pushed her plate away. You know in cartoons when the person is so angry their face turns bright red and steam comes of their ears? That was me!
"Ordered?!! I am not a waitress!"

And that is not an insult to waitresses, because I am not smart enough to be a waitress. I would take somebody's order and get lost on the way to the kitchen, and then when I find the kitchen, I would forget the order. But I didn't take Bekah's "order" back to the kitchen. I remembered something I heard on Dr. Laura (OK her views on morals and politics don't mesh with mine but she occasionally has useful advice), when you feel like screaming, just sing. So I sang a lovely song to Bekah about how she had better eat her toast or she will be really hungry and cranky at school because I am not making anything else. Holy shit, it worked.

I have tried the singing instead of screaming a few more times with success. Only once has it backfired and Mike decided to sing a song back to me about how his mom is so stupid and mean and never lets him do anything fun. Which immediately made me scream for him to go on a time-out and I "forgot" about him for 15 minutes. I wonder what Dr. Laura would think about that?

Right now I am at the gym. I was just going to sit down and write something really quick and then work-out and shower and then watch Mike's Hip Hop class. It's the highlight of my week. A group of 5-8 year old boys doing Hip Hop. Freaking hilarious! One kid actually did the caterpillar. I have never seen a sober person do that outside of a bar. Well I got the writing down but now I have been summoned by the childcare staff to come get Bekah because she is refusing to go on a time-out, and kicked a teacher. Nice. I need to think of a song about how you should not abuse child care staff because we pay a lot of money to belong to this gym. Anyways........

P.S. I picked Bekah up from the daycare at our gym and I was furious. She had refused to go on a time-out for disobeying the staff and then proceeded to kick the staff. And as soon as Jake saw me then I had to pick him up as well because he started crying. We went for a walk to the van to put my gym bag away and I told Bekah she had better go back and apologize to her "teacher" or she will get no tv when we get home and no dance class tomorrow. That worked.

Out Of The Ashes~Custom Jewelry by Katy Boynton

I am very excited to go to Auntie M.'s tomorrow night for a special jewelry party. This is not your usual, factory-made jewelry party that you receive evites for at least once a month. These pieces are hand-made from vintage jewelry, and creative jewelry made from found items. The artist, Katy Boynton, has also branched out to precious metal clay. And all of those pieces are handmade, dried, torch or kiln fired, antiqued and finally polished. The pictures below are just a small sampling of what will be on display at the party tomorrow evening.







This is a very special piece that was one of Katy's first. The "open" is taken off of a brass hose component that was manufactured during WWII by her grandfather. She inherited it from her mother's cousin when she passed away. Katy immediately recognized the historical and nostalgic significance of that component. She wanted to use the "open" for something but that was before she even knew how to create using precious metal clay.










Some PMC (precious metal clay) can be customized for people with initials, certain symbols and words.

Katy is constantly switching up styles to appeal to every taste and budget.

Katy started making jewelry while in college, in Chico, when a friend of her's showed her how to make hemp necklaces. Once she mastered the basic knotting, she was ready to add beads. As she walked into her first bead shop in downtown Chico, the knotting and beading suddenly became more than just a hobby. On her frequent trips to the bead shop she learned how to make other types of jewelry from the ladies in the store.

Katy's friends and family started receiving custom gifts for birthdays and Christmas every year. Then, a good friend asked her to create matching jewelry for a dress she was wearing to a very fancy wedding. She was the first one to start pushing Katy to sell her creations.

At first Katy resisted, arguing that her friend's liked her stuff because it was made specifically for them. She finally agreed to hold her first party. It was a success! Now Katy gained confidence in her abilities and started taking classes for using precious metal clay to create unique items that couldn't be purchased at any shop. That's been her passion for the past several years. She will soon be learningthe art of making fine jewelry to further enhance her skills.

I am very excited to go to this party tomorrow night, and not just because I get to leave my kids and home and drink with my chicas but I want to get there early and pick out the best pieces! Feel free to check out Katy's Facebook page highlighting her business Out of The Ashes.

Halloween is More Stressful than Christmas/Hannukah!

Remember how insanely happy you were at Halloween when you were a kid? Like seriously out of your mind? Even if your family didn't have a ton of money, and you didn't have the best costume in the world, Halloween was almost always guaranteed fun. That's because your Mom did everything.

Last Thursday, Oct. 29th, I started thinking about all the things I needed to get done to get the kids ready for their school parties, parade and then Halloween itself. Which includes dragging my crazy 2 year old along and trying to get him to maintain. Plus all the other usual crap I have to do. I started freaking out!

On my Facebook page I put my concerns in my status update. Sometimes you write something in your status update and everyone ignores you. Sometimes you accidentally start a shit-storm, this time it was a mommy vent-fest! Read below to see what I'm talking about. I have deleted the last names to protect the innocent.




Charlotte: is it me or is it kind of stressful getting kids costumed and to all of their activities on time with a smile on your face?




Beatrice
The sugar high afterwards is the best @@Is your parade today? Was hoping that we got to wrangle kids together on Friday!
October 29 at 9:42am ·

Barbara
Absolutely stressful! Hope you had fun once you got there.
October 29 at 10:30am ·

Sharon
Super stressful, in fact, this morning I was thinking that having kids and keeping crap organized is never ending, especially with school! And what is worse is when I finally show up all in one piece (kids fed and not a mess), I then have to pretend that I am really happy to be wherever the hell I am supposed to be!! :) It's sort of all BS! Last night at I.s swim class, K. was throwing this gigantic tantrum, (i.e. trying to jump in the pool and of course not listening to a damn word I had to say), and I felt like I was the mom from hell, wrestling with her to stay out of the pool, while all the other moms were gorgeous, hair all in place, smiling and watching me!!! :) Sorry, just had to vent! Off to pretend things are easy! :)
October 29 at 10:47am ·

Louise
Come on you guys, you love it and you know it. ( I'm Charlotte's mom)
October 29 at 11:13am ·

Stacy
14 year old still going trick or treating...he dressed up like a girl for years and pulled it off pretty good but now that he cut his hair....
October 29 at 12:02pm ·

Julie
Wait, we have to smile too???



Charlotte (me again)
I am stressing already and nothing starts until tomorrow. I just have to use babysitter time today to prepare for tomorrow's parade, party and baseball class. Also go to Dr.'s appt. bank, pay bills, pick up Mike from school, Target and throw a costume together for Jake that looks like his mother cares about him, even though he doesn't know Halloween from his elbow. And Jake just did something destructive but very impressive to one of our baby gates instead of napping. Tomorrow morning I get to dress them up for Halloween all super cute and fluffy get them to Mike's class party and convince Bekah that's better than going to her party because i can't be in 2 places at once and drag my insane 2 yr. old along who is already giving me chronic shoulder pain because he weighs more than that balloon boy kid who is 6 yrs. old and he constantly wants to run away. Do parade with kids' school, come home and try to feed them lunch and do nap and then baseball class which I hope Mike will behave at and Bekah and Jake will not want to join. I can fake smile through anything but I will be sweaty and have frizzy hair and I refuse to suck in my stomach. Mom it's time to start the Aricept. Love,Charlotte

Charlotte
Just kidding about the Aricept mom, I don't' want you to google that and get mad at me.
October 29 at 1:05pm ·

Charlotte
And if I don't' go get my eyebrows waxed soon people are going to start confusing me with my husband. Ok seriously now I am going to do filing because I am sure Jimmy Hoffa is buried under a pile of bills on my desk.
October 29 at 1:10pm ·

Pamela
Before I had kids I thought all the holiday stuff would be a blast. Now I realize exactly how hard it is and that it is a lot of work. It is not about me having fun, it is about the kids having fun, which is right, but kind of sad - especially since I doubt they are going to remember any of it. I always wanted to be a fun mom, but it is hard to be a fun mom when there is so much work that has to get done and you are the only one doing it. I guess you just have to do the best you can and write off the rest. Otherwise, it will make you crazy. :-)
October 29 at 3:28pm ·

Charlotte
I am less stressed now. I got a lot done today and Sarah helped me with creative ideas. Thank G-d for somebody younger with more energy. This was all sooo much fun when you were a kid, it's BECAUSE YOUR MOMMA DID IT ALL! Now for a walk and pumpkin carving.
October 29 at 3:41pm ·

Linda
I use to love dressing up for Halloween...but with kids, I forget about me and now tomorrow people expect us, teachers, to wear costumes...I don't have one! Where did the days go?
October 29 at 6:09pm ·



I hit a nerve didn't I?

We make it to the parties in time and the kids were adorable. I brought cheese and crackers to Mike's party and then Bekah wanted to go to her party with her peers. So I did end up dragging Jake back and forth between the 2 classrooms and just kept him in his stroller for basically 2 hours.

The parade of 2-5 year old's march to the city hall and the employees and police pass out candy and even the new mayor came out to greet the kids. Some asshole gave the kids whistles though!!! Who does that? I quickly confiscated those.

Halloween day dawns and Jake has a fever. So I stayed home with him while the kids hung out with Erik all day and then went to Auntie M.'s for pizza and trick and treating. Mike started to whine that he was tired before the third house, sure enough he woke up sick on Sunday.

Now it's Monday. Mike has a fever, Jake is healthy ,and surly, and so far (knock on wood) Bekah is healthy. It's 80 degrees today and I am watching Scooby Doo. I want to go to the park!

Below is Bekah as Dorothy and Michael as Optimus Prime. And Chester, Auntie M's dog, as Yoda.

Here's to Thanksgiving!

The Wedding of 2009

Didn't I tell you I was going to show a million pictures when I got back from vacation? First off I just want to give a huge Thank You to all of my guest bloggers. Each one of your posts were amazing and unique, even though some of you covered similar topics, they were not at all redundant.

Erik and I started off our first week long vacation in 3 years with two romantic nights in San Francisco. This was so we could store extra energy for the week in San Diego with our kids that lay before us. The last week-long vacation Erik and I took together, was when he had his vasectomy and a benign tumor removed from his neck on the same day, and needed a week to recover from the surgery. At the time I was pregnant with Jake and already experiencing early labor pains. To say that this vacation was long overdue is an understatement.

We only have 3 pictures of San Francisco because all we did was eat and sleep. Food, booze, sleep, food, booze, sleep. Then we went home and packed for San Diego. Do you like my new sailboat hat?

Note to self: that tube top makes you look like you have a bigger beer belly than you already have.

The flight to San Diego was Bekah and Jake's first and Mike's third. But Mike was so young the other 2 flights that this is the one he will remember. My mom flew with us so the adult to child ratio was 1:1. That's still not enough. The flight was fairly uneventful. Mike got squirrely towards the end so I had to hiss at him a few times but Jake (and Erik) fell asleep so that was a blessing.

As we filed off the plane Mike was invited briefly into the cockpit. He took one look around and said,"Is this all for real?". That got a good laugh.

Do not ever rent from Enterprise. They took FOREVER to bring our dirty mini-van to us and in the meantime Jake peed right through his diaper. I was not well prepared so he ran around the front of the car rental building wearing a shirt, shoes and diaper, no pants.

After we checked into our hotel it wasn't long before my Dad, step-mom Cherie and my brother Bill showed up! We followed Bill to his house for a barbecue. Below is a pic of Jake wearing one of Bill's helmets. For those who are new to this blog, I forgot to mention that my brother Bill is a Navy SEAL, and I went to San Diego to attend his wedding. And for all the ladies who read this blog who think my brother is hot, I also forgot to mention that his friends are hotter. I followed around his roommate Joe making small-talk, but really I was just looking at his fabulous butt. Then of course one of my sons and my husband stepped in dog shit so I had to deal with that.

Bekah wearing Bill's helmet.

My brother and his wife are animal lovers and very nice people. That means when Bill's buddies go to Iraq, or some other shithole on our planet, Bill and Ari watch their dogs. What I don't understand is why are the dogs stinky? Even when these dogs are clean they are stinky, strange coincidence. This dog even has a mohawk down his back. Bill thinks it makes him look like a lion, it doesn't. And that's Michael of course, my brother's clone.

Beautiful Bekah in Bill and Ari's very cute kitchen. I love their house.

After the bbq we went back to the hotel where the kids took forever to settle down and Jake fell head first out of his crib. Luckily his head is made of concrete. The next day we went to Lego Land. I know I am almost 39 years old but I had an AWESOME time! I highly recommend this to parents with kids 7 years old and under. The park is clean, food wasn't too bad and it's packed with fun stuff to do. Bring a change of clothes though because there are some water-themed activities and you get soaked.

Yes that pumpkin is made of Legos. Cool huh? Bill came with us but Ari had to run errands for the wedding. Mike asked where Aunt Ari was and Bill said, "Aunt Ari is doing girl things and that takes a looooong time and costs a lot of money.". Ahmen brother and don't you forget it.

My mom and I were on the boat ahead of them taking pictures. Jake stayed in the stroller with Erik because we trying to get him to nap. Fail.

Universal rule for theme parks: keep hands and feet inside the ride. See the boat listing to one side? Mike was convinced he was making it move faster. I was losing my mind and Bill could care less.

Thank you G-d for ice cream cones.

Bekah has a goatee just like her father.

After Lego Land, Erik, my brother, my Dad and some of buddies of Bill all went to a baseball game. My mom and I got lost driving around but eventually found a really tasty Mexican restaurant. The next day we went out to a breakfast place called the Waffle Spot which had a fountain out front. Jake tried to swim in it but the food was good. My youngest brother Brandon and his wife Amanda joined us. After breakfast we went to the wedding rehearsal at the Japanese Friendship Gardens in Balboa Park. Absolutely beautiful but we discovered they were getting married right in front of a Koi pond. Jake tried to swim in it and it was kind of stressful. Jake spent his time throwing himself on the ground in protest. Mike didn't behave much better. Bekah was well-behaved. Did I mention my brother's friends are hot?

Erik took the kids back to the hotel for swimming and Jake napped while Brandon and Amanda watched him. My mom and I went with Ari, her sisters and her friends and got manis and pedis and had lunch. Perfect. Below is a picture of Jake at the rehearsal dinner that evening, we accidentally stole that monster truck from some other kid.

Very cute picture of my mom and Jake at the rehearsal dinner.

My youngest brother Brandon and his wonderful wife Amanda.

Ok I am posting this series of pictures to let you know what my personal Hell would consist of. My personal Hell would be to have to live in Texas and be a professional children's photographer and eat avocado for the rest of my life. I can't think of anything worse. Erik and I always marvel when we see kids sit nicely to have their pictures taken. Our kids DO NOT do that. See below as I yell at Mike.

Unsuccessful parenting moment caught on film as I smack my oldest upside his head. I am not proud. Jake is mesmerized by his mother losing her temper and I have no idea who Bekah is talking to.

Elbowing Mike.

Ok now everyone look at the same place at the same time and smile!! Jake looks like he wants to die and Bekah is still in another world.

I just want one decent family picture.

Seems like a good time to pick your nose.

G-d forbid we forget the other nostril.

Examining what he found in his nose.

Clearly he didn't finish emptying that side of his nose. We have completely lost Bekah and Mike.

Whatever.

The next morning we went back to the Waffle Spot. Bad idea. There now hangs a poster with a picture of Jake saying, "Do Not Serve This Customer". We went back to the hotel for swimming and primping. It's wedding time!!!

Bekah was perfect in her flower girl duties with 2 of Ari's nieces. Mike walked down the aisle with the ringbearer's pillow on his head, but he walked. I held Jake's hand, and the pillow, and he lunged for the Koi pond but didn't protest too much when I tugged him away. Bekah was able to stand for the entire ceremony and she was gorgeous. Mike was able to stand but only because one of my brother's hot friends put his large hands firmly on his shoulders and occasionally covered Mike's mouth with his hand. Jake lasted about 5 minutes before Erik had to whisk him far away.

That's the best family picture we have ever taken. Jake is eating a lollypop. The wedding was perfect. The setting, food, weather, music. It all went flawlessly. I did my reading without stuttering, or crying, even though Mike was running around me trying to get the microphone. We had a wonderful time and I didn't get enough pictures so I can't wait to see the professional ones.

Jake is devilishly handsome! Erik bought me those coral earrings in San Francisco.

The day after the wedding we went to Seaworld but this is the only picture I took. I was just too tired. Jake drank water from this tide pool, several times, it was disgusting.

My brother, my son, a megaphone; always a bad idea! But we had a wonderful time and I miss them like crazy.



For those who are friends with me on Facebook you can skip this anecdote. After another decent flight home, Jake once again blew out his diaper. But this time it wasn't just pee. As we boarded the shuttle bus to take us to the long-term parking lot my mom and I sniffed the air and looked at each other in alarm. Sigh, ok no biggie I will change him when we get to the van. It was a short ride and as we were leaving my mom pointed behind me asked, "Did you drop something?". No, I didn't but Jake did!! He dropped something right out of his diaper! A giant poo rolled down his leg and was laying on the floor of the shuttle bus. I shooed everyone off the bus and told my mom to watch the kids while I went back to clean it up. Then it took 3 adults to change Jake's atrocious diaper on the ground of the parking lot. My mom had to watch the other kids, I did the dirty deed, and Erik had to open all the luggage looking for more wipes after I used practically a whole box wiping Jake from his belly button to his toes. My mom also walked the bag of poopy diaper, poopy wipes, poopy socks, and poopy jeans across the parking lot to the garbage can. Miraculously there was no poo on his shirt and I refused to throw the shoes away because they weren't hand-me-downs. Jake rode home in a shirt and diaper and I was twitching from P.T.S.D. for the rest of the afternoon.

Otherwise we had a wonderful time!!!

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