Passover For Those Afraid to Ask

Before I got married I converted to Judaism. My friends and family were supportive of my decision but I could tell they felt awkward when it came to asking questions.
The questions I would get were:"So do you go to church every Friday night?"
"How long is Hanukkah, 12 days?"
"What is the holiday where you eat that gross fish in a jar?"

When I was going through my conversion process I found that reading Jewish children's websites was the most helpful way to get the basics of everything Judaism.  When I had more complex questions, and wanted to delve into deeper issues, I would read the Jewish adult websites. 

Tonight at sundown Jewish people across America will be sitting down to a Seder for the holiday of Passover. It's a long dinner but it's not boring. Think Catholic wedding except with food and more wine. Lots of ritual and joyous. This is the bible story that covers the burning bush, parting of the red sea and the freedom of slaves.  Good stuff.

. . And yes, gross fish in a jar. It's called Gefilte Fish and this will offend some people, but I totally agree that it is gross! But there are other Passover delicacies that make up for the gross fish in a jar: 

Matzo Ball Soup

and

Flourless Chocolate Torte. 

So now you know just enough about Passover to get you through the week if you are not Jewish.  And here is another tidbit you can impress your friends with, Sammy Davis Jr. also converted to Judaism.  I am not going to pretend I am as cool as Sammy Davis Jr. but it is nice to be in such groovy company. And speaking of groovy you have to watch this video below. It's appropriate for Passover because A) Sammy is Jewish and B) Aretha briefly sings her song "Think" which has those great lyrics about freedom.

Bad Genes

I have sat on my ass, wasting time for 2 hours this morning! I kept my sweet 4 year old home from school for one more day to make sure she is 100% healthy, and she is entertaining herself. I could have done a lot of stuff in 2 hours instead of watching Max and Ruby with her, and screwing around on the Internet. But I am really, really anxious.

My dear, sweet, responsible husband, and I, have an appointment with a developmental pediatrician today. We are seeing her to come up with a plan of action in regards to our 5 year old's atrocious school behavior. And I feel like I am in trouble. I feel like I am being called to the Principal's office. And trust me I know exactly what that feels like.

I know because in first grade I got sent to the Principal's office for running away from school (and conning a friend to join me) because the teacher made me write lines. The lines were, "I will be quiet in class". Instead I wrote, "I will not shut-up in class" and then at recess me and Heather snuck off when the yard duty wasn't looking. It was really bad because they thought we had been kidnapped. That is the one and only time I have actually seen a person's face turn purple. The principal was a substitutePrincipal and he was sooo mad. As an adult I realize now what I put everyone through.

In the second grade I got sent to the Principal's office for refusing to pledge allegiance to the flag because of the phrase "under G-d". There is supposed to be a separation of church and state in America. I am still right on that one. I love G-d, and our flag, and I get goosebumps when I hear our anthem sung. I just get a bad feeling when we combine patriotism and religion. My mom was really embarrassed.

In the third grade they started the state testing (here in California) that our kids are tortured with now. And it was a big deal, just as it is now. When it came to gender, mark male or female, I made my own bubble, wrote the word "Other" next to it and filled it in. In my defense that wasn't my idea. Another girl dared me to do it, and I just can't resist a dare. Holy Crap that principal was mad. But he didn't call my mom. I came home and told my mom as a preemptive strike, and she laughed, and said, "I am so glad he didn't' call me and tell me that over the phone because I would have just laughed.". Phew, what a relief.

Remember in grade school when they would make you chew those red tablets that would stain the plaque on your teeth, to show you where you weren't not brushing adequately? I refused to do that. My reasoning being that my parents tax money could be better spent on academics, instead of wasting time picking up other parents slack when it comes to their children's poor dental hygiene. That teacher lasted one year at that school. That was 4th grade.

I could go on and on and on. But I need to shower and find an outfit that makes me look like a concerned parent. The point I am trying to make by sharing these anecdotes is I know exactly where my oldest child's behavior comes from. But if you ask me I just say, "He's exactly like my brother Bill.".

Sorry Mom.

Pure Randomness

I have no particular subject to write about at this moment. My blogging/writing/creativity is suffering because I am no longer breastfeeding and my kids don't nap. When I first started blogging I would create blog posts in my head while breastfeeding, and then type them out during nap times. Those segments of "leisure" time no longer exist and now my brain is constantly preoccupied with monkey activities, or planning monkey activities. When I sit at my computer now I just play Farmville or some other time-waster on Facebook. Or I harass evil conservatives on Twitter or annoy the shit out of my mom friends by sending out stupid emails. Or I make up radio stations on Pandora, and then delete them later on.

I usually think of something brilliant to write just as I am falling asleep but when the morning rolls around I have already forgotten what it was. Now that my kids mostly sleep through the night, I don't remember those thoughts at 3am, because I roll-over and go back to sleep, or pee and then go back to sleep, or elbow my husband in the ribs to make him stop snoring and then go back to sleep. Instead of getting up to nurse, change a diaper, eat a bowl of cereal etc. etc.

I am not completely ready to give up blogging though. Not yet. I do have some random stuff in my head to share.

Remember that big ass earthquake that just happened in Chile? I had the news on that morning while my Dad was visiting and we were discussing it before my father slaughtered me at Scrabble. 3 days later I was driving in the van with the monkeys and Mike pipes up, "Mom where is your salami?"
"Salami?!"
"Yes, your salami, when is it going to come to San Ramon?"
"Salami?!! Mike what are you talking about?!!"
"Mom the big wave!! When is it going to hit us?"
I started to laugh so hard I swerved, and almost hit the center divider on San Ramon Valley Blvd.
"Honey that is a Tsunami, not a salami!"

Today Mike proclaimed that he is the master of all farts. I took a deep breath and composed a poker face and told him that was inappropriate. But seriously since Mike lives off of Dino nuggets and fruit he really is the master of all farts, so it was hard not to laugh. I just marvel at what his brain comes up with.

My youngest is thriving in speech therapy. In just a short time he went from gibberish and grunts to short sentences, and he is much easier to understand. The only quandary is that now he can ask for stuff and it's so wonderful to hear him talk that you just want to give it to him. Unfortunately he has learned how to ask for cookies, cupcakes, candy, or to go outside when it's raining etc. and it just breaks my heart to have to say no. I know how hard he works to communicate, and it is such a joy to hear his cute voice, but of course I still have to set the same rules with him as I do with Mike and Bekah. But shhhh, sometimes I do sneak him candy from my PMS stash.

Speaking of Jake his speech delay is significant enough to require special education preschool. I know it's what he needs but no parent wants to have their child need special education. I am just praying he will catch up with his peers by Kindergarten. And yes even though I am a dirty hippie Liberal, I pray. How can you be a mother and not pray? Even moms who are atheists pray, and if they say they don't pray, they are lying through their teeth!

So here is something that makes me angry..........how come nobody told me how sassy and bossy 4 year old girls can be?! When Mike turned 4 he went from a satanic 3 year to a really sweet 4 year old. I expected my daughter to do the same. But noooooo, she went from oppositional-defiant 3 year old to back-talking tyrant 4 year old. And I am actually kind of angry at my mom friends for not warning me. I know that sounds irrational, but damn what's the point of being in a mom's club and going outside of my comfort zone to make new friends if you all aren't willing to throw me a bone when it comes to new milestones. I am mostly kidding. I should know by now that every day, is a new day, when you are a parent. Just when you get used to a certain behavior their little brains and bodies go through a growth spurt and leave your aging ass, and brain, behind in the dust.

For example, I served my hazel eyed monster her breakfast the other morning and she actually said, "This is not what I ordered" and pushed her plate away. You know in cartoons when the person is so angry their face turns bright red and steam comes of their ears? That was me!
"Ordered?!! I am not a waitress!"

And that is not an insult to waitresses, because I am not smart enough to be a waitress. I would take somebody's order and get lost on the way to the kitchen, and then when I find the kitchen, I would forget the order. But I didn't take Bekah's "order" back to the kitchen. I remembered something I heard on Dr. Laura (OK her views on morals and politics don't mesh with mine but she occasionally has useful advice), when you feel like screaming, just sing. So I sang a lovely song to Bekah about how she had better eat her toast or she will be really hungry and cranky at school because I am not making anything else. Holy shit, it worked.

I have tried the singing instead of screaming a few more times with success. Only once has it backfired and Mike decided to sing a song back to me about how his mom is so stupid and mean and never lets him do anything fun. Which immediately made me scream for him to go on a time-out and I "forgot" about him for 15 minutes. I wonder what Dr. Laura would think about that?

Right now I am at the gym. I was just going to sit down and write something really quick and then work-out and shower and then watch Mike's Hip Hop class. It's the highlight of my week. A group of 5-8 year old boys doing Hip Hop. Freaking hilarious! One kid actually did the caterpillar. I have never seen a sober person do that outside of a bar. Well I got the writing down but now I have been summoned by the childcare staff to come get Bekah because she is refusing to go on a time-out, and kicked a teacher. Nice. I need to think of a song about how you should not abuse child care staff because we pay a lot of money to belong to this gym. Anyways........

P.S. I picked Bekah up from the daycare at our gym and I was furious. She had refused to go on a time-out for disobeying the staff and then proceeded to kick the staff. And as soon as Jake saw me then I had to pick him up as well because he started crying. We went for a walk to the van to put my gym bag away and I told Bekah she had better go back and apologize to her "teacher" or she will get no tv when we get home and no dance class tomorrow. That worked.

Reiki Healing at Bodylines Day Spa

Last week I took advantage of the time I have Sarah to heal. Tuesday I took a nap and did some writing and Thursday I booked a Reiki Healing and massage. Reiki has worked for me in the past to bring me into deep relaxation and to feel spiritually clean. Even if it's a total bullshit placebo effect it doesn't hurt right?



I find out about Reiki from a woman I used to work with at a group home. She was born on a Cherokee Indian Reservation and her mom was Wiccan. She was a fascinating person to say the least. She used Reiki on me once for a migraine and I was sold! I thought she was touching my scalp but I kid you not her hand was 6 inches above my head. I could waves of "energy" coming off her hands and colors exploded behind my eyelids. It felt great! Other times I have enjoyed Reiki I was awake but snoring, weird huh? I was so relaxed I was stuck somewhere between sleep and wakefullness.

So last Thursday I thought I would give it another try and how about this for cosmic coincidence? The practioner is a colon cancer survivor. I didn't know that when I made the appointment, it's not something I would generally ask over the phone. So here I was just getting out of the hospital from an Ulcerative Colitis flare-up and I get a therapist who is a colon cancer survivor. I am not healed, there was no miracle, but I felt I was in safe and understanding hands.

Friday morning I ate the most solid food in a long time. I had some squishy turkey meatloaf and mashed potatoes and it gave me the energy I needed to take the monkeys to a pumpkin patch. My niece Kaitlyn came along as well.

I love hay bail mazes that are only waist high so you can actually see your kids!!! And check out the box below. Instead of sand it's all corn! It was so cool! The kids loved it, they spent at least 30 minutes playing in there.

That's Kaitlyn playing beast of burden to Bekah and one of her favorite classmates. I have to warn you right now that this is my favorite time of year to take pictures of my kids. They have their daddy's olive skin so they look beautiful in fall colors and I love to take them to pumpkin patches and parks to take pictures because the weather is perfect this time of year in the bay area.

I have to give out some more public thank yous. My friend Valerie brought us a yummy dinner last night and she is so sweet she included a mini pumpkin and stickers for me since I really can't eat too many different foods right now. But Bekah got ahold of that pumpkin before I did and decorated it for me. And Mike and Bekah came out of the woodwork to say Hi this time so they are getting over my trip to the hospital.

Another dear mom friend sent me a get well card in the mail with gift certificates to Forbes Mill's steakhouse for when I can eat LARGE portions of beef again! Yummy! Thanks so much Anne-Marie, very cool of you!

And the winner is.............my husband. He took all 3 kids out of the house all day so I can try to sleep. This Prednisone shit that I am on wakes me up in the middle of the night and I feel like I am on meth. I have been snapping at everyone all morning and instead of getting mad at me for it, he is being understanding instead. That takes a real man.

So I am going to try to get a nap if I can.

Ladybugs and Plagirism

Yesterday I was sitting around in my pajamas feeling sorry for myself when my phone rang. It was a dear friend telling me she didn't want to disturb me but that she did leave a treat on my doorstep. And then I started crying, again. Damn I hate crying. My usual moods run the gamut from happy, feisty, grumpy, sleepy, buzzed and hungry, but not weepy. I don't do weepy!

It's this fucking steroid Prednisone I am on for the next month. Like clockwork 30 minutes after I take it I start crying. For no reason! It's also making me short of breath, nauseous,sweaty and makes my legs and feet sore. So I am just limping around at home all sweaty and crying. My poor kids and husband, who the hell wants to live with that?

Well 30 minutes after I took my meds yesterday my friend showed up with her nice card and banana bread, so of course I started crying. I am now going to plagiarize what she wrote because it was directed not just at me but to all moms. I will tell you the author's name is Julie. But since I was born in 1970 pretty much all of my friends are named Julie, Stephanie, Megan, Michelle, Jennifer and a few Yvettes. So that really doesn't give you much of a clue.

The pretty card she gave me had some glittery ladybugs on it:

"I think it's time you take a second for yourself. I'm sure this flare-up was scary and humbling- health issues always are- so I hope that when (if?) you have a quiet moment you can reflect back on it and see it as a kind of wake-up call. It's so easy as mothers and wives to put ourselves on the back burner, and before you know it, the shit has really hit the fan! Please, next time you are in pain, don't try to hide it and ignore it. listen to your body, and lean a little on your support system when you need it- you clearly have an army of people around you who love you.

I hope you see this as helpful, not preachy. I adore you and want only the very best for you.
Take Care of Yourself!"

I promise I will and I want everyone else to do likewise.

I showed Erik that card last night and he totally agreed and thought it was very sweet. He told me he feels bad that I should have to cook 3 different kinds of foods every night: his dinner, my dinner if I even feel like eating, and then the kids' dinner. So I told him that some of my friends had volunteered to bring more meals and that I can ask if those are still available. Now we have 6 days of meals coming, Yay!!

I am also lettting the house go a little bit. When I get all sweaty, short of breath and start limping then I get to sit guilt free.

My oldest is having issues at school and I am not sure if he really is crying for me because he thinks I am going back to the hospital or if he is just milking it. My 5 year old is highly intelligent and OVERLY DRAMATIC. I am trying to toe the line of extra love and extra smackdown. He dropped an F bomb in class this week, but at least he used it in a sentence............. I sent an email to his teacher apologizing and asking for any brilliant ideas, she's a smart cookie so I can use her as a resource for sure. My other 2 monkeys are just more lovey dovey than usual, and that's totally fine.

And get this! My gorgeous husband has decided that waiting 3 more years for another vacation is absurb and not heathy for us as individuals, a couple and a family. I hid my sickness because I didn't want to ruin my brother's wedding and didn't want any attention on me. Fail!! So Erik wants me to book a weeklong family vacation in Februrary so that we have something to look forward to! I am on it! And Auntie M has forbidden me to take my kids to Disneyland without her. She told me she would be heartbroken and she wants to see their faces the first time they go. So we have to get planning on a early summer Disneyland trip! I haven't been to Disneyland in 26 years!!

Ok so this present nausea and sweating jag has passed and I need to clean the kitchen a little bit.

3 Days in the Hospital

Well if you are a regular reader you would know that last weekend I wrote about having a tough time with my illustrious colon. I was bemoaning the misfortune of having feeling like hell and having a disease that nobody wants to talk about, especially me!

The final chapter on last weekend was that I decided to continue on the steroids my gastroenterologist had prescribed me, and things will be looking up soon. That was last Sunday, by Tuesday I could barely get out of bed. I was in pain and had lost more blood than I was comfortable with. I personally called my gastroenterologist, and when I have time I will be shopping for a new one. All this time I had been in remission or had mild flare-ups but now that I was really sick, he was not helpful. He agreed that a trip to the E.R. might not be out of the question, but warned me I might lose my colon. I am not sure how he could tell that over the phone but it certainly didn't quell my anxiety.

I called my sitter Saint Sarah to come in early to get the kids dressed and to school and I insisted on showering. Erik drove me to the hospital and I won't lie I went straight to a bed instead of the waiting room and I was grateful for that perk. Erik gave the staff a quick update, kissed me and went to check on his patients. It's so embarassing talking about my symptoms that all 3 people were leaning towards me to hear what I had to say. I am not a quiet person, most people in my family don't own indoor voices. I just didn't want everyone to hear. And then I started to cry and then they took my blood pressure. 203/122! That spoke louder than words. I was in a lot of pain. The E.R. doctor was so nice and ordered some Ativan, "To step this crying down. ". He didn't say it in a rude way, it was helpful. I can't talk if I am crying and I couldn't stop crying because I was anxious, and the anxiety and pain was making my blood pressure go through the roof.

I was there less than an hour, and they decided who was taking over and that I was spending the night, and was scheduled a sigmoidoscopy for the next morning. Moms aren't supposed to go into the hospital.

San Ramon is a small town and Auntie M had seen Erik driving me to the hospital that morning so she called me on my cell and asked what's up. It was perfect because I could immediately begin to arrange child-care, and school transportation, and meals. When I got off the phone the nurse joked that I had been spotted by the paparazzi.

I was quickly whisked upstairs into a room and Auntie M came shortly after bearing trashy mags, a smile and a promise to keep the kids in line. After she left 2 nurses came back and started tossing stuff onto my bed and said we are moving you. "Why?", "Aren't you Dr. Gracer's wife?", "Yes". "Well we have a bigger room with a view for you.". "Oh that's really nice but that's not necessary I just need a toilet and a bed and a tv.". But they wheeled my groggy self to a bigger room, it was sweet but the view was wasted, because I immediately passed out.

They woke me for my clear liquid diet lunch and dinner and I ate it out of self-defense. Jello and popsicles should never be an entree. I was still in pain and the steroids make me weepy. It's embarrassing because my husband has to work there and they are going to think his wife is a crybaby. Thankfully my night shift nurse was a ray of sunshine. Super attentive without nagging or being clingy. I am partial to people who work the graveyard shift ,because I did that in an emergency psychiatric hospital, it takes a different kind of person.

The next morning was the sigmoidoscopy and they wheeled me down to that unit. I overheard my friend's voice so I called him over. One of our closest friends is a gastroenterologist and he is usually the one who would be doing this to a patient. I don't mind getting drunk and having a guy friend see me naked in a hot tub but a sigmoidoscopy is where I draw the line. He laughed and said he understood.

Now it was time for the procedure and they had me turn on my side. I warned them that I metabolize medications very quickly and have a habit of waking up during times I was supposed to be sedated. The nurse said, "OK ," Gave me the shot in my I.V. and then turned around to do paperwork. I bored holes in her back with my eyes. She turned around, and I smiled, she said, "Just give it a few more seconds.". I was feeling rainbows and unicorns but I was still awake, and there was no way in hell they were going to stick a garden hose up my ass while I was conscious. She turned around again to meet my buggy eyes and then turned to the physician, "Can I give her more?", "What!?". He was a little surprised to see my unblinking stare, but he must have said yes because that's the last I remember.

After the procedure there was a huge chunk of time that is not very coherent. I know that I was told some stuff, but then I had to ask over and over again because my short-term memory was a mess. After many people repeating to me many times I finally understood that I was grateful to not have an infection or polyps, and though they did take a biopsy they didn't think it was cancerous. But it did look like my colitis had spread significantly. I was weepy and tired and wanted my kids. My husband was tired too and very stressed out and everyone was just trying to hold it together.

My monkeys did come to visit and ate my popsicle, which was my entree, and some licorice the nurses gave them. They made a sticky mess and crawled all over me and asked lots of questions. And I was sad to see their smily faces go. The rest of that night I was still uncomfortable but I got another night shift nurse who was a rock star. All night long she kept trying to get me to lower my blood pressure. At one point I was on a pain med, benadryl and ativan and it was still 188/103. I was just laying there doing nothing! Finally she looked at me and said, "Is it me? Do I stress you out?". I cracked up and said, "You are the least of me worries!". She then said, "Well maybe I am just too hot.". I suggested she wipe off her sexy lip gloss and we can try again later. I believe bantering and a sense of humor is something that should be taught in nursing and medical school. This woman was so nice she stopped by in the afternoon to check on me on her OWN time.

When the doctor came by to visit me the next morning I told him the truth about how I was feeling and all it got me was another night in the hospital!!! What?! I was feeling better than on Tuesday so I thought for sure they would let me go. But he made a good point, "You are going to go home and start chasing your kids and end up back here on I.V. again. I need to get in as many steroids in I.V. form inside of you before you go back home.". He's right but this is just not practical. More crying. And Erik was supposed to be on-call that night at the hospital I am a patient at. I had to pull out the big guns and asked my mom to come please spend the night at my house.

By now my kids were showing by their behavior the stress of not having mommy at home. They weren't being very nice to their Nana and Grandma Wheeze and Mike was crying at school. I wanted to curl into a ball and cry. The only upside was that my MIL brought me some cute little scarecrow figurines to decorate for the holidays and my mom brought me some decent toiletries and panties (instead of the thong panties Erik brought me). And I was switched to a full liquid diet instead of clear liquid. Pureed soup tasted like a gourmet meal at this point.

Erik came by later with my laptop so I could order groceries online to be delivered, that made me feel a little more in control of my life. I told him to come back after tucking his patients into bed so he could give me a kiss. I tried to wait getting my pain meds until after he left but I couldn't wait. I have a fuzzy memory of somebody kissing me goodnight, I hope it was Erik and not the janitor.

Another Florence Nightingale got me through the night and in the morning I had one foot out the door. I told the doctor I was fabulous and was told to take it easy this weekend and eat a low-residue diet. Saint Sarah had to pick up the kids from school first and then I told her to just wait out for me out front so she wouldn't have to drag all 3 through the hospital. Well you know how hospitals insist on wheeling you out in a wheel chair? So here I am sitting waiting for a wheel chair and I can hear my kids over my cell screaming for mommy. Finally I flag down a nurse and tell her my ride is here. She asks if I can walk and I say hell yeah I can walk. We pass my volunteer in the hallway on the way to the elevator. A little old lady volunteer who practically needs the wheelchair as a walker. We told her it was ok, I can walk to my car, and the nurse and I laughed that maybe her volunteer duties should be stapling or giving out kleenexes instead of wheeling large adults around.

My kids were out of their little minds when they saw me. Mike and Bekah both unbuckled their seatbelts and lunged at me and Jake strained against his carseat and whined. I gave them lots of hugs and kisses and tried to get my bag from the nurse. She just stood there and said, "They are so happy to see you, oh it's so sad, they missed you. ". I thought she was going to cry. Oh jeez. So I just got in the van and buckled them back in and gave them hugs and kisses and then got my bag from the nurse and told her it was ok.

Wow coming home was not peaceful. The kids were hungry, whining and spinning out of control. The grocery guy showed up at the same time, to deliver the groceries and so did Erik with our new bookkeeper. It was total fucking chaos. I did not want to meet our new bookkeeper while dressed in pajamas and bruises from I.V.s on my arms and my kids in tears. She must think her new boss has the most dysfunctional family ever. The timing couldn't be worse.

We got the very nice grocery guy out the door even though I did want to talk to him about his daughter's wedding, she's a marine. I helped Erik seperate some personal and business files for our new bookeeper which she means she had to go in our home office in our messy bedroom. Then Saint Sarah and I tackled feeding the kids, cleaning the kitchen and putting the groceries away. I put Jake down for a nap and then sent Sarah to Target to pick up my meds while I did some more de-cluttering. But the hospital called the meds into Walgreen's instead of Target, sigh. So Sarah came back with the kids and made brownies with them and I went back to Target to straighten it out.

By this time my knees and ankles were starting to swell and I was really tired and irritable. But when I got home my dear friend Barb was here with her awesome monkey and everything was calm and quiet. Auntie M had come to pick up Bekah for some special girly time and Jake was napping. I was so grateful I teared up. This is more crying I have done in years, people who know me know I am not a crier. Another dear friend Danica brought dinner and we put the kids down for an early bed without a squawk.

This morning Erik came to the room and said, "Honey can you get up?", at first I was annoyed, thinking he should cut me some slack, but then he said, "It's 10:30a.m.". I was shocked I thought it was like 7 in the morning. I was so tired. I sent Erik back to bed and I got up to hang with the monkeys. I was feeling so much better and it's nice to be in my home. But I can really see the affect me being gone had on my young kids. When their Nana showed up today, my mother-in-law, the kids clung to me and were rude to her. Bekah ran into another room, Mike's rudeness was too much to ignore and he ended up on a time-out. I reassured them that Nana was just there to go to a birthday party with their Daddy and that I will be home the whole time. I am not going anywhere. Poor babies.

I just want to give a shout-out to all my friends and family that picked up the slack this week. Thank you for the orchid and the card, the magazines, tons of food, taking care of my kids and my husband, my laundry and just being here to listen. I really,really appreciate it and could not have done it without you.
Love,
Charlotte

The Wedding of 2009

Didn't I tell you I was going to show a million pictures when I got back from vacation? First off I just want to give a huge Thank You to all of my guest bloggers. Each one of your posts were amazing and unique, even though some of you covered similar topics, they were not at all redundant.

Erik and I started off our first week long vacation in 3 years with two romantic nights in San Francisco. This was so we could store extra energy for the week in San Diego with our kids that lay before us. The last week-long vacation Erik and I took together, was when he had his vasectomy and a benign tumor removed from his neck on the same day, and needed a week to recover from the surgery. At the time I was pregnant with Jake and already experiencing early labor pains. To say that this vacation was long overdue is an understatement.

We only have 3 pictures of San Francisco because all we did was eat and sleep. Food, booze, sleep, food, booze, sleep. Then we went home and packed for San Diego. Do you like my new sailboat hat?

Note to self: that tube top makes you look like you have a bigger beer belly than you already have.

The flight to San Diego was Bekah and Jake's first and Mike's third. But Mike was so young the other 2 flights that this is the one he will remember. My mom flew with us so the adult to child ratio was 1:1. That's still not enough. The flight was fairly uneventful. Mike got squirrely towards the end so I had to hiss at him a few times but Jake (and Erik) fell asleep so that was a blessing.

As we filed off the plane Mike was invited briefly into the cockpit. He took one look around and said,"Is this all for real?". That got a good laugh.

Do not ever rent from Enterprise. They took FOREVER to bring our dirty mini-van to us and in the meantime Jake peed right through his diaper. I was not well prepared so he ran around the front of the car rental building wearing a shirt, shoes and diaper, no pants.

After we checked into our hotel it wasn't long before my Dad, step-mom Cherie and my brother Bill showed up! We followed Bill to his house for a barbecue. Below is a pic of Jake wearing one of Bill's helmets. For those who are new to this blog, I forgot to mention that my brother Bill is a Navy SEAL, and I went to San Diego to attend his wedding. And for all the ladies who read this blog who think my brother is hot, I also forgot to mention that his friends are hotter. I followed around his roommate Joe making small-talk, but really I was just looking at his fabulous butt. Then of course one of my sons and my husband stepped in dog shit so I had to deal with that.

Bekah wearing Bill's helmet.

My brother and his wife are animal lovers and very nice people. That means when Bill's buddies go to Iraq, or some other shithole on our planet, Bill and Ari watch their dogs. What I don't understand is why are the dogs stinky? Even when these dogs are clean they are stinky, strange coincidence. This dog even has a mohawk down his back. Bill thinks it makes him look like a lion, it doesn't. And that's Michael of course, my brother's clone.

Beautiful Bekah in Bill and Ari's very cute kitchen. I love their house.

After the bbq we went back to the hotel where the kids took forever to settle down and Jake fell head first out of his crib. Luckily his head is made of concrete. The next day we went to Lego Land. I know I am almost 39 years old but I had an AWESOME time! I highly recommend this to parents with kids 7 years old and under. The park is clean, food wasn't too bad and it's packed with fun stuff to do. Bring a change of clothes though because there are some water-themed activities and you get soaked.

Yes that pumpkin is made of Legos. Cool huh? Bill came with us but Ari had to run errands for the wedding. Mike asked where Aunt Ari was and Bill said, "Aunt Ari is doing girl things and that takes a looooong time and costs a lot of money.". Ahmen brother and don't you forget it.

My mom and I were on the boat ahead of them taking pictures. Jake stayed in the stroller with Erik because we trying to get him to nap. Fail.

Universal rule for theme parks: keep hands and feet inside the ride. See the boat listing to one side? Mike was convinced he was making it move faster. I was losing my mind and Bill could care less.

Thank you G-d for ice cream cones.

Bekah has a goatee just like her father.

After Lego Land, Erik, my brother, my Dad and some of buddies of Bill all went to a baseball game. My mom and I got lost driving around but eventually found a really tasty Mexican restaurant. The next day we went out to a breakfast place called the Waffle Spot which had a fountain out front. Jake tried to swim in it but the food was good. My youngest brother Brandon and his wife Amanda joined us. After breakfast we went to the wedding rehearsal at the Japanese Friendship Gardens in Balboa Park. Absolutely beautiful but we discovered they were getting married right in front of a Koi pond. Jake tried to swim in it and it was kind of stressful. Jake spent his time throwing himself on the ground in protest. Mike didn't behave much better. Bekah was well-behaved. Did I mention my brother's friends are hot?

Erik took the kids back to the hotel for swimming and Jake napped while Brandon and Amanda watched him. My mom and I went with Ari, her sisters and her friends and got manis and pedis and had lunch. Perfect. Below is a picture of Jake at the rehearsal dinner that evening, we accidentally stole that monster truck from some other kid.

Very cute picture of my mom and Jake at the rehearsal dinner.

My youngest brother Brandon and his wonderful wife Amanda.

Ok I am posting this series of pictures to let you know what my personal Hell would consist of. My personal Hell would be to have to live in Texas and be a professional children's photographer and eat avocado for the rest of my life. I can't think of anything worse. Erik and I always marvel when we see kids sit nicely to have their pictures taken. Our kids DO NOT do that. See below as I yell at Mike.

Unsuccessful parenting moment caught on film as I smack my oldest upside his head. I am not proud. Jake is mesmerized by his mother losing her temper and I have no idea who Bekah is talking to.

Elbowing Mike.

Ok now everyone look at the same place at the same time and smile!! Jake looks like he wants to die and Bekah is still in another world.

I just want one decent family picture.

Seems like a good time to pick your nose.

G-d forbid we forget the other nostril.

Examining what he found in his nose.

Clearly he didn't finish emptying that side of his nose. We have completely lost Bekah and Mike.

Whatever.

The next morning we went back to the Waffle Spot. Bad idea. There now hangs a poster with a picture of Jake saying, "Do Not Serve This Customer". We went back to the hotel for swimming and primping. It's wedding time!!!

Bekah was perfect in her flower girl duties with 2 of Ari's nieces. Mike walked down the aisle with the ringbearer's pillow on his head, but he walked. I held Jake's hand, and the pillow, and he lunged for the Koi pond but didn't protest too much when I tugged him away. Bekah was able to stand for the entire ceremony and she was gorgeous. Mike was able to stand but only because one of my brother's hot friends put his large hands firmly on his shoulders and occasionally covered Mike's mouth with his hand. Jake lasted about 5 minutes before Erik had to whisk him far away.

That's the best family picture we have ever taken. Jake is eating a lollypop. The wedding was perfect. The setting, food, weather, music. It all went flawlessly. I did my reading without stuttering, or crying, even though Mike was running around me trying to get the microphone. We had a wonderful time and I didn't get enough pictures so I can't wait to see the professional ones.

Jake is devilishly handsome! Erik bought me those coral earrings in San Francisco.

The day after the wedding we went to Seaworld but this is the only picture I took. I was just too tired. Jake drank water from this tide pool, several times, it was disgusting.

My brother, my son, a megaphone; always a bad idea! But we had a wonderful time and I miss them like crazy.



For those who are friends with me on Facebook you can skip this anecdote. After another decent flight home, Jake once again blew out his diaper. But this time it wasn't just pee. As we boarded the shuttle bus to take us to the long-term parking lot my mom and I sniffed the air and looked at each other in alarm. Sigh, ok no biggie I will change him when we get to the van. It was a short ride and as we were leaving my mom pointed behind me asked, "Did you drop something?". No, I didn't but Jake did!! He dropped something right out of his diaper! A giant poo rolled down his leg and was laying on the floor of the shuttle bus. I shooed everyone off the bus and told my mom to watch the kids while I went back to clean it up. Then it took 3 adults to change Jake's atrocious diaper on the ground of the parking lot. My mom had to watch the other kids, I did the dirty deed, and Erik had to open all the luggage looking for more wipes after I used practically a whole box wiping Jake from his belly button to his toes. My mom also walked the bag of poopy diaper, poopy wipes, poopy socks, and poopy jeans across the parking lot to the garbage can. Miraculously there was no poo on his shirt and I refused to throw the shoes away because they weren't hand-me-downs. Jake rode home in a shirt and diaper and I was twitching from P.T.S.D. for the rest of the afternoon.

Otherwise we had a wonderful time!!!

San Diego on Dwellable

Father's Day Kind of sucked 2009

Ok so I have been stuck at home today. Mike is still struggling with a cough and all 3 of my monkeys have some bowel issues. Erik is on-call, and it's intense. So I am alone.

I have cooked with my kids, cleaned with them, danced with them, watched t.v. with them, played with water, watched our cat kill a mouse, and eat half of it before I tore it out of his mouth. It's been the longest day, and how ironic it's the summer solstice, FACTUALLY, the longest day of the year.

In between hanging out with my monkeys I have been glued to CNN and twitter. This shit going on in Iran is riveting. Current President Achmina........however you pronounce his name, probably should have been voted out, but voter fraud has kept his ass in "power". Remember, Iran is not a secular state, it's really the clerics who call the shots. So a complete revolution is occuring in Iran and all of it is being documented by amateurs!! Just think of Les Miserable filmed on a cell phone.

The attempt by the Iranian government to shut-down twitter is obvious, even to illiterate techies like me. You click on somebody's post on twitter and they have no followers, and this is their first ever twitter message........just seems hinky, especially when there are several like that.

What is really disturbing is the video that has been posted world-wide of a young girl dying. Her name is Neda and she takes her last breaths on You Tube/twitter/Facebook and dies with her eyes open. Her father screaming her name. A doctor, a stranger to her from the crowd, tries to resucitate her, and fails, and prounounces her dead.

No wonder I wrestled a half chewed mouse from my cat's mouth, and threw it over the fence, into the creek. I have just had enough.

Mornings and Super Cat

This is how we wake up every morning. It's not the same every day but it's always some kind of drama and huge mess. Every fucking morning. If you have known me longer than 1 month you know I am violently opposed to mornings. To wake up to some kind of disaster every damn morning is just G-d laughing her ass off at me. This is my 2 year old Jake. He has taken the wastebasket in our master bedroom and turned it upside down. And that was just the beginning. Jake then managed to shred and tear apart and roll in all the papers that had been in the wastebasket. I do mean roll, like a dog rolling on a dead skunk. He also incorporated some previously clean, and folded laundry, and bed pillows in his mayhem.

But that's not even the blog worthy part of this story.

My 3 year old Bekah has a stuffed kitty, Oscar-Garfield. Actually his full name is Oscar-Garfield Super Flying Cat of The World, and 2 weeks ago he went missing! Any parent who has a toddler with a beloved toy or blankie knows this is bad news.

I LOOKED EVERYWHERE!!!!!!! Until I gave up and ordered another 2007 limited edition Webkinz black Halloween cat on Amazon.com. The new Oscar-Garfield showed up on Tuesday and everyone was happy, yay!!

Can you see where this is going? So we wake up Wednesday morning to Jake thrashing our bedroom and after I took pictures of this epic mess, I started shoving the papers into a garbage bag and guess what I found tucked way back behind our router? Oscar-Garfield Super Flying Cat of The World, The First.

Seriously? I recovered my shock and say,
"Look Bekah now you have 2 boys just like mommy!".

"No! I don't want him! I only want the new kitty! ". Dude, harsh.

"But Bekah he missed you and he has been lost for a long time." And then of course I start pretending like I am a kitty and talking to her and telling her how much I missed her, "..my mommy Bekah", etc. etc.

"No I don't want him!". Then my 4 year old Mike busts out with the quote of the day, "Family is family Bekah.". My husband and I are cracking up now.

Then Mike says, " I will take him.", and starts wrestling with him. Of course that made up Bekah's mind real fast! No way will she let her stinky brother have one of her Oscar-Garfields.





That was yesterday, today is Thursday. This morning's drama was Bekah getting a hold of a porcelain figurine and giving it to Jake, who smashed it on the bathroom floor. Nobody was hurt. I actually heard G-d laughing as I scrambled around naked, cleaning up broken glass.

I Hate Prop 8

So today started off pretty awesome with a Hispanic woman being picked as a nominee, for our nation's Supreme Court. But then civil rights took a step backwards just as quickly as it progressed.



The horribly hateful Proposition 8 was upheld by California's Supreme Court. 6-1. To quote my brother Brandon, that is "6 justices who don't believe in civil rights.". I was angry and disappointed, but I turned off the television, and had a nice playdate with a friend and her adorable son. Then comes naptime, and my computer time, and now I am really angry after reading an article on S.F. Gate.

These are the paragraphs in particular that made me angry:



Among the first to go were Shawn Higgins and Robert Franco of San Francisco. The two men, who said they are engaged to marry, had stood for about an hour in the intersection calmly kissing while demonstrators all around them screamed, "Prop. 8 will go down, San Francisco (is a) big queer town" and other slogans.

Damn straight San Francisco is a big queer town! (excuse the pun) And don't you forget it! Who let the Prop 8 supporters over the bridges?!



Jorge Riley, 31, of Sacramento also got up early to make the drive to San Francisco to hoist his sign reading, "Gay = Pervert."

Seriously?! What a hateful, horrible person.

This is a civil rights issue, plain and simple. If you do not agree with me please do not read my blog, do not leave any comments on my blog, and do not follow my blog. Quietly go and unfollow me. And tell your friends not to read my blog. I am too angry and disgusted to be diplomatic right now.

I think rioting is completely warranted. I know that is a shocking statement, but think about it. Somebody is telling you that you can't get married. Think really hard about that........you can't marry the person you love. Wouldn't you feel outraged? Hurt? Demeaned? Feel less than a second class citizen? I would.

I want to take to the streets but I am ashamed to admit that I get caught up in the logistics of whose going to watch my kids while I am in jail. And honestly I don't want my kids around those hateful, ignorant Prop. 8 supporters. They frighten me, so I am sure they would frighten my kids.

This is the part of that article that gave me hope:

While some police officers kept watch from the outside of the protest circle, about 10 officers were positioned inside. Each of those 10 officers are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, said Lt. Lea Militello of the Tenderloin Station.


"Absolutely it affects me. I got married in October," she said.


Police Sgt. Carl Tennenbaum said the officers on the scene ranged from gay to conservative, and many had to say they had "mixed feelings would be putting it mildly." However, he said, "You just have to set the issues aside and do your job."

Maybe when supporters of Prop. 8 see that this truly affects "normal" citizens like police officers, they will begin to change their minds. I say this because I am under the impression that many supporters of this hateful legislation have only experienced stereotypes of homosexuals. They are not aware that gays, lesbians, bi-sexuals and transgender people come from every walk of life. So I believe we will have a chance to put this on the ballot again and make justice and equality for everyone.