Fear of the Unknown

Hi, I'm Unknown Mami and I'm here to help you conquer your fear of the unknown. Not really. I'm here because the lovely Charlotte invited me to post while she is off having sex somewhere. It doesn't seem fair that she gets to go off and have sex while I'm left babysitting her blog so...

Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex....
-Salt N Pepa

I have nothing shocking or risque to share with you. It's true, I have sex, I like it. I'm insecure in other areas of my life, but when it comes to sex I feel good. If someone wants to see me naked, then I'm not going to be shy. I get what I want and I give as good as I get. The thing is I have no idea how I became so confident and secure in this area of my life because growing up my sex ed was just fucked up (pardon the pun).

Let me share some highlights.

The first time I found out about sex was after asking my mom about maxi-pads. I didn't know what they were for and she explained what a period was and the basics of how a baby is made.

Great!

But she led me to believe that maybe there was more than one way to get pregnant. For years, I was terrified of swallowing watermelon seeds because I was convinced the seeds would sprout and turn into a baby. Thank God for seedless watermelons! I remember being offered a slice of watermelon with seeds in first grade and saying, "No thank you, I don't want to get pregnant." Someone was kind enough to let me know that I could enjoy the fruit without becoming a "statistic".

In the 70's and 80's I would hear the term "humping". I hated the way it sounded. So vulgar! I knew that a man's penis went into a woman's vagina and then a baby was made (I didn't know that people had sex just for fun or that sometimes it wasn't a man and a woman). Sex was for making babies only. Why would anyone call that humping? Well, we got cable and I saw my first sex scene and apparently there was work involved. The man didn't just stick his penis into the vagina; there was movement involved from both the man and the woman. It wasn't like sticking a plug into a socket; it required the plug to be moved in and out of the socket. This was so shocking to me that I started crying. My mother asked me what was wrong and I said, "They're humping!"

In junior high I thought I had a handle on things. We saw the sex ed video and I trusted that everything was accurate, if not romantic. Then one day my mom got drunk at a party and started talking gibberish. She told me never to use a tampon because no one would want to marry me. Her point was that if I used a tampon I would no longer be considered a virgin and if I was not a virgin no man would want me. Okay?! That wasn't in the video.

Another relative taught me a wonderful lesson. She kept moving a sewing needle and asked me to thread it. Of course I couldn't. Then she said, "There is no such thing as rape." Whoa! Seriously?! So if I got raped it was my fault?

I could go on and on. So why am I telling you these stories? Because I know I'm not the only girl that grew up with these kinds of experiences and although I think they're funny now, it's bullshit. Knowledge is power and I wasn't being raised to be a powerful woman in charge of her sexuality.

I have a daughter and when she comes to me with questions about sex I am going to give her truthful, honest, age appropriate answers. I'm not going to wrap up her sex ed with religion or politics.

Sex is natural - sex is good
-George Michael

Remember don't fear the unknown, especially not Unknown Mami! Stop by and visit me sometime.

While The Cat's Away The Mice Will Play

I am going on vacation starting Monday and I have the most amazing line-up of guest bloggers for all of you! Seriously, this is going to be good! I chose the topics of Politics, Religion, and Sex. The 3 topics you are not supposed to bring up in mixed company should make for an interesting read.

Monday will start off with a bang with a post written by a cool chick I met on twitter. Hell Is on Heels.

On Tuesday, September 8th, the author of The Lilac Grove will be here. I know that sounds like she is all fluffy and sweet and possibly boring. No, no, no this girl drinks whiskey and is not afraid to lay it on the line.

Wednesday we are going international. I am dying to know what a Scottish mother of 3, who authors a cooking blog has to say about religion, politics and/or sex.

Thursday the 10th of September I will be boarding a plane with my husband, mom and all 3 of my offspring. This is also the day that a dear friend Julie will tackle these heavy duty subjects. She does not have a blog, but she is a small business owner, has 2 wonderful teenagers, and a mini farm, with goats, dogs, cats and chickens. I can't believe she can find the time to write something on my blog so I am also eager to read what she has to say.

Friday 9/11, an unlucky day if you are superstitious, so I decided to hand my blog over to a controversial figure. Billy Bob Neck will give us a redneck's view of life. I want to test my readers and see if they are really Not Easily Offended.

Saturday I will be attending my brother's rehearsal dinner and visiting with family in beautiful San Diego. This is also the day that The Claw will rend my blog with her wit. If you like me you will like her. She is a smartass, has 2 boys, husband is a physician and she is also a Saggitarius. What's not to like?

Sunday September 13th is my brother's wedding. My boys will be the ring bearers and Bekah will be one of the 3 flower girls. I will show you so many damn pictures when I get home you will run when you see me coming! How's this for a blog title, "Official Buttwiper"? Aren't you just kicking yourself for not thinking of that title first? I do everytime I read it. She is an asshole Republican and I am dirty hippie but we manage to get along great. (Mickie you called yourself an asshole Republican first :) )

The 14th and the 15th are wide open right now but I am working on it. I will not let you down.

And back by popular demand is The Unknown Mami. She was a guest earlier this year and everybody loved her writing. An Hispanic mommy, aspiring actor and cool chick.

Enjoy yourself!!

Saludos from my Bloggerhood!

Saludos from Unknown Mami! First let me start off by saying how thrilled I am to be guest blogging at N.E.O. MOMS; it's my first time guest blogging, so be gentle.

It's an honor just to be asked, but in this case it's an absolute thrill because it appears that Charlotte has chosen a nice cross-section of bloggers to guest while she is away, getting as she so delicately put it "shitfaced." Perhaps, I am the token Latino blogger. That's cool. I'll say it LOUD, I'm brown and proud!

I LOVE diversity. I'm all about diversity. I love diversity so much that I live in the diverse city of San Francisco, where I am raising a beautiful little girl, "Put Pie" with my husband. Being in this wonderful city is fantastic and I'm excited that my daughter will grow up being exposed to so many different cultures, so many different view points, but being here presents some challenges for me as a parent.

I grew up surrounded (more like inundated) by family. My mother is Mexican from Mexicali and is one of 13 brothers and sisters and they begot children, which begot me many relatives. I was born and raised in California, but grew up speaking Spanish because that's what my family speaks. It wasn't until elementary school that I learned English. After many years of schooling my English is now better than my Spanish. I actually worry that I am losing my Spanish.

I consider myself bi-cultural and I am aware that culture is learned. I learned my Mexican culture from my family and my American culture from our society at large. I love both my cultures and I want to pass them on to my daughter. Seems easy, right? I wish.

You see, I have no extended family in San Francisco and I am the only one who speaks Spanish in my home. Things I took for granted as a child and just absorbed on a day to day basis like language and customs can no longer be taken for granted. Everyday I have to remind myself that the only way my daughter will learn Spanish is if I consistently speak it to her. Sometimes I start off saying something to her in English and I have to repeat it in Spanish. We have a few children's books in Spanish and I'm constantly on the look out for more. Lately, I'm seriously considering stalking the Latino nannies in my neighborhood just so I can find other people to speak to my daughter in Spanish.

As far as customs go it's also a challenge. My husband is not Latino; he is half black, half white, and full of Aloha Spirit having been born and raised in Hawaii, which makes our daughter multi-cultural. He is all for me teaching her Spanish, but every once in a while there is resistance to certain traditions. For example, being Mexican, I celebrate Christmas on the 24Th. We have dinner and then I insist that we stay up until midnight to open presents. My husband prefers to open presents after a good night's sleep on the morning of the 25Th. But I love my Christmas memories from childhood and I'm not willing to let my daughter grow up without this experience. The compromise is that we do both: we stay up 'til midnight, open some presents, then go to bed and open more a few hours later. I can live with that.

Sometimes, I feel like I am not doing a very good job of exposing my daughter to her Latino heritage and I desperately want her to feel proud of her background and draw from it. My mother asked me if I was going to teach Put Pie Spanish and a part of me was hurt that it wasn't just assumed I would.

When my mother came to visit she saw me interacting with my daughter and said, "Esta niña va aprender Español*" as a statement not a question, it made me feel good. What makes me feel even better is when I look at my 9 month old and say, "Beso, dame un beso**" and she leans forward and gives me a big sloppy baby beso. She is learning!

Well, there you have it, just a small glimpse of me as a Mami because I am definitely a Mami and not a Mommy.

Again, I'd like to thank Charlotte for letting me share my thoughts with you. It's been so nice visiting and if you are ever in my bloggerhood please stop by, you'll find and Unknown Mami who is always thrilled to have company.

Adios!

P.S. Charlotte, there is an award for you on my blog. Yay You!


*This little girl is going to learn Spanish.
**Kiss, give me a kiss.