Sunday, April 26, 2009

Beauty Goals Spring/Summer 2009

Ok so yesterday I was reading my friend Clare's blog and she was like hey take a pic of yourself and post it on your blog and we shall call it photo tag. So I did and then I looked at the picture and said, "Oh my fucking G-d! I look like shit!". So at first I refused to post it to my blog and play photo tag. But then I slept on it and started thinking, "That super hideous pic of you is a great way to get back on track with your diet and exercise plan, why don't you post your goals on your blog.".

So that's what I am going to do. I have a Chelsea Handler show to go to, a bridal shower, bacherlorette party and a wedding and my 20 year reunion is coming up in August. These are very important reasons to get myself back in shape. Below is the pic I am talking about. My roots are showing, you can plant corn in the rows in my forehead, my teeth need to be whitened and I have 8 chins. The only good thing about this pic is Jake peeking in the corner.

Below is a recent photo of me that I got compliments on, and you know why? Because you can't see my face!!! And I am grateful that I don't gain weight in my butt. All my weight goes right to my tummy, I am actually extremely jealous of my 4 year old's abs of steel. He is a mini Brad Pitt. I am a mini Michelin man.

This picture is from late last summer so I know I can lose the weight again. I can lose 10 pounds by August. Those are my brothers.

Maybe my husband will let me have a little shopping spree at Anthropologie, I love that store.

Allegedly these are the colors of eyeshadow that are supposed to look good on brown eyes. I shouldn't be wearing the same eyeshadow that I was in 1989 right?

I am sick of parting my hair on the side and it's cut for that right now so I want a new cut with layers for a middle part. My hair is too curly for bangs so I will just have to hide the forehead with make up. Below are a couple of pictures of hairstyles I think I can pull off.
Too bad I can't combine a Halle Berry hairstyle with a smoking hot Halle Berry body. Remember Monsters Ball? I was watching that movie with my husband and he blurts out, "You know they tried to dress her down in this movie but she's got a body that just won't quit!". It was a random comment but I couldn't disagree with him.

Now I know what you are thinking both of these pictures are of black women and I am a white girl. Well go look at those 3 pictures of me above. Did you notice that I don't have white girl hair? True I am so pale that if you lift my shirt you can watch me digest my food, but my hair is as kinky as Rick James. My Grandma said it's because there is a strain of Black-Irish blood that runs in our family and skips generations, and that's why amongst the blondes and blue and hazel eyes somebody like me shows up. My Grandma also told me when I was a pre-teen that she wouldn't disown me if I married a black guy but she doesn't understand why I would want to because "....they always get in knife fights.". So I think that Black-Irish thing is to make her feel better.
Whoa! Don't call my Grandma a bigot! Come on, she is old. And she is over it. I converted to Judaism and married a Jew and my Grandmother walked in my wedding, so cut her some slack. I personally don't care where my hair comes from as long as Bumble and Bumble Curl Conscious Creme remains an available hair product.

I also need to whiten my teeth. Did you know that beer drinking stains your teeth as much as coffee?! That explains A LOT!
Wish me luck.


drollgirl said...

you are so hard on yourself!!!! and lord don't we all wish we could look like halle berry. oof.

Clare said...

stop it. I would die for your gorgeous hair, clear skin, and you are beautiful. I have always envied how pretty you are. silly billy.

Charlotte said...

Ok we are all in agreement, we all wish we looked like Halle Berry. It's true we are always harder on ourselves than others, at least in the looks dept.

Clare is gorgeous by the way for people who have not seen her in person.

Kraxpelax said...
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