Monday, May 10, 2010

The Ugly Voice

Disclaimer: I do not want pity or praise. I just want you to read this and comment.  I want a yes or no answer, and/or feedback. 

I am writing this because after almost 40 years on the planet I have finally realized I am not that unique. I do not have experiences or thoughts that are singularly mine. So I just want to know if this happens to you?

Every time I go to the gym I encounter major resistance.....from myself.  And when I am on a roll I go to the gym 4 days a week.  But the whole time I am getting ready, the whole way there and the whole damn time I am working out, there is an ugly voice in my head.  I have to ignore and fight this voice, and she is a bitch!!  This is what she says:

"Why are you going to the gym when you should be cleaning your house?"
"Too bad you don't have cuter work-out clothes."
"You  should pack healthier snacks for your kids."
"Why bother going to the gym you barely have enough time to work-out?"
"You should shower before you go because you smell/your hair is frizzy/your face is oily."
Once I am at the gym she gets really mean:
"Stop running you are sweating/jiggling/your stomach is showing/you have camel toe."
"You can only run 6 miles per hour? That's pathetic."
"Oh great there is that super skinny chick who has more kids than you do."
"Why are you doing sit-ups when your favorite beverage is beer?"
"Do you think that doing sit-ups is really going to get rid of the flabby tummy and stretch-marks?"
"Lifting weights is not going to hide the fact that you have breastfed 3 kids."
"Your husband is working his ass off and you are in the hot tub reading a book....just because it's a parenting book doesn't make it better."
"Quit the gym and save the cash for a makeover."
"Well at least you don't weigh 300 pounds like that woman over there."

And she doesn't shut her trap until I am actually in the shower.  Once the endorphins kick in from the exercise she finally shuts the fuck up. The gym is not the only place she shows up to talk shit to me,  but that's the only place where she has a megaphone.

Does this happen to anybody else?


sherri said...

yes that happened to me. it happens less now. this may or may not have to do with the prozac I take every morning. or maybe b/c I now use "camel toe begone! by Ronco"

Charlotte said...

Prozac, check....Camel Toe Begone? I gotta find that.

danica said...

Why you so blue? I felt that way before many times. It's the life of all women who multitask. It will get easier once kids start school. And I finally figured it out... it's ok to take time for ourselves, motherhood is 24-7. I miss naptime.

Patti said...

I hear her too, Charlotte.
Why is it that we say things to ourselves that we would never say to another human because it would be unspeakably cruel? Why can't we treat ourselves with the compassion we save for others?

These are questions we may never fully answer, so in the meantime let's tell her to STFU!

Mama Ashley said...

I hear her all say long as well. Not much more I can say about it other then I wish she would shut the f*** up :)

Charlotte said...

Danica I am not blue I am just real. But I will try to think of something funny to write just for you. In the meantime watch some Betty White SNL clips because those are hella funny.

Patti from high school or my mom's friend? I get you all confused. I have no compassion for myself and it's sad.

I love you Ashley.

Angie said...

Hmmm...I think I know her!

drollgirl said...

ay yi yi. i refuse to go to a gym. i work out at home. i can't take the gym atmosphere. but believe me, i berate myself all the live long day, so i know the gym isn't necessarily the problem!

bananas. said...

minus the thoughts about answer is yes. and it sucks. she is a bitch!

Nekidduk said...

Dude! You can really run 6 miles per hour?

Charlotte said...

Yes but my mouth is open and I want to die.