Thursday, May 27, 2010

Men and My Sports Bra

Being an old married hag I have to admit I live vicariously through my babysitter. Saint Sarah is young, pretty, and has way more energy and patience than I do. She is also single and 24 years old. That means I already had a driver's license when she was born.

Recently Saint Sarah was complaining about men, seriously afraid she was going to be an old maid. I tried to comfort her, telling her that true love sneaks up on you.  I told her that Erik and I didn't go on an actual date until 2 years after we met and I was 33 years old when we got married.

I advised her that men are pretty much useless until they get closer to the age of 30, and even then they still need a lot of maintenance. Just wait,  I told her,  as I swept the room with my arm, you could have all this.........and then my 5 year old peed on her lap.

After we cleaned her up,I once again tried to comfort her.  Look I went out with a younger guy once.  He was 20 and I was 21 years old.  One night we were supposed to go out on a date.  I picked him up, took him to the liquor store and bought him  a 12 pack of beer and then he broke up with me in his driveway.

I drove home to my roommate in shock. But instead of comforting me she started to laugh hysterically, "He used you to get beer!!".  I joined in the laughter, she was right, this dude wasn't worth a broken heart let alone a mild annoyance, I was just killing time with him anyways.

Saint Sarah seemed to be amused by this story,  and as far as I am concerned there are very few men on this planet that deserve to breathe the same oxygen that she does.

Well while we are on the subject of embarrassing moments.... I had a huge struggle at the gym earlier this week . I had a fabulous, sweaty workout, I was so proud.  But while in the locker room I hit an obstacle. I peeled off my sweaty clothes, placed my glasses in a safe place and then attempted to take off my sports bra. I have been doing some lifting lately so my arms were like spaghetti and as I went to pull off my sports bra it got stuck. It got stuck on my face. I was naked, naked, naked except for a sweaty bra stuck on my face. I couldn't see and I could  barely  breathe.  Eeeek.  I decided that after one deep breath if I couldn't get that bitch off my face I would ask for help....and then I would quit this gym.

I faced the wall, counted to ten, took a deep breath and then ripped that thing off of me. Phew...

If you have any embarrassing moments you would like to share with us than please bring it!!


Patti said...

Keep one of these in your locker....

Unknown Mami said...

You made me laugh more than once on this post. I'm glad you didn't have to ask for help getting the sports bra off even though that would have made me laugh even harder.

sherri said...

and. once again. you are awesome. that sports bra description made me spit out wine. and I didn't even mind.

sherri said...

and, that is the best header. ever.

LinLori said...

I'm so glad you were able to break free of the evil, evil sports bra and didn't have to seek assistance. Thank you for the laugh, hehehehe.

My embarrassing moment? Getting stranded on the island of Victoria off the coast of Canada (it's not deserted, in fact, quite the opposite) during what was supposed to be a day trip that quickly turned into an overnight. We had taken the ferry from Seattle, and the waters were too rough for the ferry to take us back.

While debating the pros and cons of staying overnight in Victoria, I began to panic. A-Girl was barely three months old at the time, nursing off and on between bottles, and we were using disposable diapers. I *insisted* that MarvMan let me use his phone to call my mother. His American cell phone. Being used on the West Coast of Canada. To call my **mother** in Pennsylvania. So I'm on the phone with her, and she's obviously affectionately exasperated with me and telling me it's okay and we should stay.

I, in my infinite genius, began spouting off irrational concerns. "But, Mom! We're running out of diapers. We don't really have much formula on hand just in case, and I don't have a change of clothes for the baby!"
MarvMan, seeing this moment of opportunity, takes this precise moment to shed some light on the situation - in front of a large crowd of people who were now amused at our "predicament" - and says:
And in the silence that followed, all anyone could hear was the sound of my mother on the other end of the line, laughing hysterically.
Which cued everyone else to laugh at me.

The end.

Charlotte said...

Woo hoo, I am back on my blog. For some reason it was crashing my computer for awhile.