2009 Year in Review, for the Not Easily Offended

January 2009

*I hosted a kid-friendly New Year's brunch where we counted down to Noon instead of Midnight.

*My father-in-law turned 60 and a mess of in-laws came to town.

* I hosted over 50 people here for Super Bowl.

*The United States, in a moment of clarity, voted out the worst President we have ever had.

*The United States elected our first black man for President.

*I started this resolution of posting weekly less than 30 minutes Weight Watchers recipes. I lost interest in that though.

*Jake couldn't find his pacifier so he sucked on a dirty sock instead and feel asleep in his car seat.

Febuary 2009

*Jake becomes obsessed with wearing rain boots and biting. At one point he bit me on my ass and bit Erik's nuts. Ouch!!

*A blog post I wrote about Chandra Levy was published in an online newspaper.

*Everyone got the stomach bug and I ended up in the E.R. getting I.V. fluids. Jake also got a double ear infection and croup. Nobody was healthy for about 6 weeks, it sucked!!!!

*Since our Valentine's Day was spent cleaning up barf, Erik and I had a Valentine's Day date on President's Day weekend. Massages and dinner, very nice.

*I wrote a really nice post about my sister-in-law Auntie M. for her birthday. I love her.

*That crazy bitch Nadya Suleman gives birth to octuplets.

Ok these are just the first 2 months because I need to drag my fat butt to the gym. I will finish this up during the course of the next week. Erik is oncall New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, Jan. 2nd and Jan. 3rd, so I will have time to write.

Auntie M.'s Packing Fudge

Ok not really but I just love to good naturedly harass her. This fudge is amazing! Even though I love chocolate I don't particularly like fudge. But this fudge was amazing! And it had walnuts in it and I don't even like walnuts and I still ate it.



Next....FUDGE*

One bag of chocolate chips
3/4 bag of Butterscotch chips
One can of Sweetened Condensed Milk
One teaspoon of Vanilla
Walnuts or currants as desired...really whatever you want to add

Grease a casserole dish- sometimes I put it in a jello mold to make it into a wreath shape

Heat up the pot over low heat
Add chocolate chips, butterscotch, and sweetened milk
Mix together until melted and blended
Add vanilla and whatever else you want to such as walnuts
Pour right away into greased dish- will start to set immediately. Chill in fridge or in the freezer.
*Recipe written by Auntie M.

Auntie M.'s Chinese/Aisan Chicken Salad

Chinese (ish) Chicken Salad*

Top Ramen noodles- 1 package crunched up
Spanish Peanuts- approx. 1 cup
green onions chopped
Red Bell Pepper- choppped
Cole Slaw Salad- precut in the package
Italian dressing
Chicken- I buy the chicken that is already grilled and cut. You could grill it yourself and then cut it when cool. Probably tastes better, but sometimes I am not that motivated. Make sure you cut into bite sized pieces.

Add all of the dry ingredients and then mix with Italian dressing. Sounds weird, but is always a hit.

*All of the above has been written by Auntie M. and we are grateful.

**Let's see if Auntie M. notices the tags

Grandma Estelle's Brisket

Grandma Estelle is my husband and Auntie M.'s grandmother. This is the recipe for her rockin' brisket. This is super easy, I promise:

1 packet onion soup mix (Safeway brand uses no MSG)
1 14 oz. can whole berry cranberry sauce
1 cup ketchup
1 can cola (coke or Pepsi and last night I used diet Dr. Pepper because that's all I had)
4-6 lb.beef brisket
A crock-pot with a 4,6,8 or 10 hour setting, the low or high settings just don't cut it.

**The night before cooking, shove brisket into pot, sprinkle onion soup mix all over the top. Open can of cranberry and dump on top. Measure out cup of ketchup and pour on top of brisket. Open can of soda and pour all over everything. Put just the ceramic pot insert into fridge overnight. In the morning pop ceramic pot insert back into crock pot element and set for 10 hours. Walk away. Go to work and flip the brisket when you get home from work. Or flip it every 4 hours or so. Whatever is convenient.

You can serve it right from the pot onto a plate or you can take out the brisket and let the gravy bubble some more in the crockpot and try to slice the brisket. But by this point the brisket is falling apart and doesn't really slice all pretty but still tastes awesome.

Last night I made a 4.5 lb. brisket for 10 adults 15 kids and there were leftovers.

**You can do this right before you cook it. The brisket does not need to marinade. But I am not a morning person and if you want this done by 5:30p it's going to have to start at 7:30a and I have other stuff to do at that hour.

Makes great sandwiches the next day that make you either want to take a big nap or hit the gym.

Yvette's Chicken Pot Pie

As the year ends I will be on a recipe posting frenzy. I want to load all of those fattening, and oh so tasty recipes before I have to get back on the diet wagon. January I will be posting mostly Weight Watchers recipes because in Feburary I am going on a cruise!!. Below is from my friend Yvette G.

Chicken Pot Pie

Chicken Pot Pie Prep: 40 min; Bake: 35 min

Make putting this all-time favorite together a snap by purchasing a ready-to-use pie crust.
1 (10-ounce) package frozen peas and carrots
1/3 cup butter or stick margarine
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/3 cup chopped onions
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 3/4 cups chicken broth - I use homemade stock or leftover turkey stock from Thanksgiving.
2/3 cup milk
2 1/2 to 3 cups cut-up cooked chicken or turkey - Rotisserie from Costco or Safeway, or leftover turkey from Thanksgiving
Pastry for 9-inch Two-Crust Pie (see recipe) - Pillsbury Pie Crust from refrigerated aisle

1. Rinse frozen peas and carrots in cold water to separate; drain.
2. Melt butter in 2-quart saucepan over medium heat. Stir in flour, onion, salt and pepper. Cook, stirring constantly, until mixture is bubbly; remove from heat. Stir in broth and milk. Heat to boiling, stirring constantly. Boil and stir 1 minute. Stir in chicken and peas and carrots; remove from heat.
3. Heat oven to 425°. 4. Make pastry. Roll two-thirds of the pastry into 13-inch square. Ease into ungreased square pan, 9 ¥ 9 ¥ 2 inches. Pour chicken mixture into pastry-lined pan.
5. Roll remaining pastry into 11-inch square. Cut out designs with 1-inch cookie cutter.Or shape excess dough into a penis like I did recently for some dear friends.
Place square over chicken mixture. Arrange cutouts on pastry. Turn edges of pastry under and flute.
* I use a standard pie plate.
6. Bake about 35 minutes or until golden brown.

NUTRITION FACTS: 1 Serving (about 1 cup):; Calories 685 (Calories from Fat 425); Fat 47g (Saturated 16g); Cholesterol 80mg; Sodium 1,050mg; Carbohydrate 44g (Dietary Fiber 3g); Protein 24g % DAILY VALUE:; Vitamin A 48%; Vitamin C 4%; Calcium 6%; Iron 20% DIET EXCHANGES:; 2 Starch; 2 Medium-Fat Meat; 3 Vegetable; 6 Fat .

This Scene Always Cracks Me Up

The Blessed Holidays

Damn this whole parenting gig is getting in the way of my blogging. Not to mention my quality of sleep, social life and mental health. But they are cute kids, and I have decided to keep them.

I apologize to my handful of readers for falling off the face of the blogosphere but once your youngest child gives up naps your life becomes even busier. Now that my holiday season is over I will try to find some more time for writing.

In my house we celebrate Hanukkah and it's already over. So now I can sit back and watch my friends who celebrate Christmas run around like maniacs, just like I was doing last week. And since my husband will be on-call New Year's Eve, New Year's Day AND January 2nd and 3rd, this is really the end of my holidays. But I am not going to start dieting until January, I have too many leftovers and treats to finish off.

I was going to hit the gym today, especially since my breakfast consisted of a turkey, cranberry and gravy sandwich with a side order of fudge. But after his soccer game my strong-willed 5 year old refused to go to the gym. Now usually I would have forcibly changed him out of his soccer uniform, strapped him into the van and told him that if his behavior gets me called out of my work-out then he will get no t.v. for 24 hours. But we had 32 people here last night and all three of my kids were up until 9:30pm. I know he is legitimately tired and that I shouldn't push my luck. So I sacrificed my work-out to stay home with him, and my husband took the other monkeys to the gym. I have more time during the week to work-out than my husband does so it's only fair.

In the last month since I have last blogged this is what has been going on:

*Auntie M had that jewelry party at her house and it was fun and I bought some pretty jewelry including a custom made necklace for my Mom, which I ordered behind her back as a gift.

*We hosted my mother-in-law's birthday here at my house and a Thanksgiving, and also had Thanksgiving at my Dad's in Sacramento. And Mike stepped in dog poop at my Dad's house. Without fail, when we go to a party, either my sons or my husband will step in dog poop. I just don't get it. I have stepped in dog poop maybe 3 times in my whole life, and so far my daughter has never stepped in dog poop!!

*We celebrated my daughter's birthday, our office manager's birthday, my birthday and my sister-in-law Amanda's birthday. The cutest girl in the world turned 4 years old and partied at Chuck E. Cheese. I got a mani/pedi and went to a Raiders game with my husband.

*My N.E.O. Mom's Club went out for a 1 year anniversary fondue dinner. And we roped a pregnant club member into being our designated driver.

* Went to the hospital Christmas party with my husband. Mostly a snooze fest but not as boring as past parties.

*And last week was totally insane. Hanukkah party, got new blinds installed, carpets cleaned, finished off gift shopping, our business practice's lunch, brought donuts and read a Hanukkah story to my 5 year old and my 3 year old's classroom, got up early Friday morning and made latkes for preschool party, and then Saturday (yesterday) I hosted 32 people at my house for a Hanukkah/Xmas party.

*And today my house is a disaster zone. I got the kitchen put back together and 3 loads of laundry done but the rest of the house is a mess, and we are over capacity for both the recycling and the garbage can. I gotta sneak some trash into our neighbor's cans.


A little gossip about last night. A step-nephew I haven't seen in awhile showed up with tattoos on his face and a pregnant girlfriend. Sigh. I only hope the best for them, of course, and the baby is going to be gorgeous, no doubt about that. It's just hard to wrap my brain around the fact that my step-brother is going to be a grandfather when he also has a 7 year old daughter and he is only a few years older than I am!

My kids actually have school Monday and Tuesday of this week even though the public schools don't. I am totally cool with that! Wednesday I am hosting a small cookie decorating party here at my house. Thursday will probably be movies and Chinese food, a Jewish Christmas tradition but Christmas day we have been invited to hang out with my brother-in-law's giant family.

Happy Holidays everyone!!!!!

Out Of The Ashes~Custom Jewelry by Katy Boynton

I am very excited to go to Auntie M.'s tomorrow night for a special jewelry party. This is not your usual, factory-made jewelry party that you receive evites for at least once a month. These pieces are hand-made from vintage jewelry, and creative jewelry made from found items. The artist, Katy Boynton, has also branched out to precious metal clay. And all of those pieces are handmade, dried, torch or kiln fired, antiqued and finally polished. The pictures below are just a small sampling of what will be on display at the party tomorrow evening.







This is a very special piece that was one of Katy's first. The "open" is taken off of a brass hose component that was manufactured during WWII by her grandfather. She inherited it from her mother's cousin when she passed away. Katy immediately recognized the historical and nostalgic significance of that component. She wanted to use the "open" for something but that was before she even knew how to create using precious metal clay.










Some PMC (precious metal clay) can be customized for people with initials, certain symbols and words.

Katy is constantly switching up styles to appeal to every taste and budget.

Katy started making jewelry while in college, in Chico, when a friend of her's showed her how to make hemp necklaces. Once she mastered the basic knotting, she was ready to add beads. As she walked into her first bead shop in downtown Chico, the knotting and beading suddenly became more than just a hobby. On her frequent trips to the bead shop she learned how to make other types of jewelry from the ladies in the store.

Katy's friends and family started receiving custom gifts for birthdays and Christmas every year. Then, a good friend asked her to create matching jewelry for a dress she was wearing to a very fancy wedding. She was the first one to start pushing Katy to sell her creations.

At first Katy resisted, arguing that her friend's liked her stuff because it was made specifically for them. She finally agreed to hold her first party. It was a success! Now Katy gained confidence in her abilities and started taking classes for using precious metal clay to create unique items that couldn't be purchased at any shop. That's been her passion for the past several years. She will soon be learningthe art of making fine jewelry to further enhance her skills.

I am very excited to go to this party tomorrow night, and not just because I get to leave my kids and home and drink with my chicas but I want to get there early and pick out the best pieces! Feel free to check out Katy's Facebook page highlighting her business Out of The Ashes.

The Bone in The Burbs

This is for my local N.E.O.s 107.7 The Bone were out here in the burbs this morning. I heard about it on the radio as I took my oldest to his kindergarten class. It's Ta-Ta-Tuesday which means women flash their tits. I always thought that was a joke so I just cruised on over there for a free bumpersticker. I had my 2 and 3 year old with me, and as we turned into the parking lot of our local In & Out Burger I saw The Bone van surrounded by a group of men. I have never seen that many construction workers in one place outside of a family reunion.

Difference between this and a family reunion was these guys were expecting to see my boobs. Uh, no. Too early, too sober and I had my kids with me. As I walked up to this group sure enough a lady flashed her Ta-Tas. If you want to know they were real, and perky. My monkeys didn't see anything though, they were focused on the free candy. And I did announce as I walked up that, " I am not flashing you guys this morning, I am just getting a bumper sticker.". That got a good laugh.

The guy behind the table also gave me a poster, which my daughter suggested we put on our garage door. But I am pretty sure my home owner's association would have something to say about that. I told her we could hang it inside of the garage. I am proud of my local rock station, this whole Ta-Ta-Tuesday gimmick is not just about seeing tits for free on a weekday morning. They actually have teamed up with the Breast Cancer Fund. I didn't know this until I got home and looked at their website. I would have left a few bucks after taking my bumper sticker.

Now that you know about their good work, don't hesitate to stop by The Bone van next time they are in your neighborhood on Ta-Ta-Tuesday. You can leave a donation for breast cancer research, see some titties, or flash your's and still make it to work on time.

Stupak Amendment to Health Care Reform Bill

I am going to make this explanation, of the Stupak Amendment, as simple as possible. Not because I think my readers are simple, but because I know that most of my readers are parents. And if parents concentrate too intently on something while their children are awake..........well see the picture below for what can occur.


I started to write this informative post roughly 2 hours ago. In the meantime my 2 year old hand painted the bathroom mirror with soap, I had to mediate fights between my 3 and 5 year old, my 3 year old wanted an egg salad sandwich and then my 2 year old needed a diaper change. Now my bathroom smells fresh and fruity like our hand soap, but my house smells like poop and egg salad. I finally gave up and planted all three kids in front of the t.v. with some Halloween candy.

You are probably disgusted and thinking, "Why bother?". I bother because I have 3 kids, and I want my children to grow to adulthood in a country where abortions are safe and legal.

So here goes, I am going to try to explain the Stupak Amendment which was added to the Health Care Reform Bill which was passed last Saturday night (Nov. 7th 2009).

1) If Stupak goes through in the final health care bill abortions will not be covered by private or public insurance. You will have to pay for an abortion out of your own pocket. Average price is anywhere from $500.-$1,000. You can purchase a rider for your insurance to cover abortion in case of an accidental pregnancy. Kind of like earthquake or flood insurance that you add to your home owner's insurance. Nice huh?

2)The only abortions to be covered are pregnancies that occur from rape or incest, or “where a woman suffers from a physical disorder, physical injury, or physical illness that would, as certified by a physician, place the woman in danger of death.” . But you must keep a baby with severe abnormalities.

3) Allows discrimination against abortion providers.

Sound too simple? Read here for more information, and if you want a cure for insomnia, then read here for even more information.

If you agree with me and want your children to grow up in a country where a woman has the right to choose what to do with her body, and where physicians are not punished, and penalized, for offering controversial but legal services. Then go here to enter your zip code and find out who you need to call and give an ass-chewing.

If you don't I will send this guy to wreck your house.

Halloween is More Stressful than Christmas/Hannukah!

Remember how insanely happy you were at Halloween when you were a kid? Like seriously out of your mind? Even if your family didn't have a ton of money, and you didn't have the best costume in the world, Halloween was almost always guaranteed fun. That's because your Mom did everything.

Last Thursday, Oct. 29th, I started thinking about all the things I needed to get done to get the kids ready for their school parties, parade and then Halloween itself. Which includes dragging my crazy 2 year old along and trying to get him to maintain. Plus all the other usual crap I have to do. I started freaking out!

On my Facebook page I put my concerns in my status update. Sometimes you write something in your status update and everyone ignores you. Sometimes you accidentally start a shit-storm, this time it was a mommy vent-fest! Read below to see what I'm talking about. I have deleted the last names to protect the innocent.




Charlotte: is it me or is it kind of stressful getting kids costumed and to all of their activities on time with a smile on your face?




Beatrice
The sugar high afterwards is the best @@Is your parade today? Was hoping that we got to wrangle kids together on Friday!
October 29 at 9:42am ·

Barbara
Absolutely stressful! Hope you had fun once you got there.
October 29 at 10:30am ·

Sharon
Super stressful, in fact, this morning I was thinking that having kids and keeping crap organized is never ending, especially with school! And what is worse is when I finally show up all in one piece (kids fed and not a mess), I then have to pretend that I am really happy to be wherever the hell I am supposed to be!! :) It's sort of all BS! Last night at I.s swim class, K. was throwing this gigantic tantrum, (i.e. trying to jump in the pool and of course not listening to a damn word I had to say), and I felt like I was the mom from hell, wrestling with her to stay out of the pool, while all the other moms were gorgeous, hair all in place, smiling and watching me!!! :) Sorry, just had to vent! Off to pretend things are easy! :)
October 29 at 10:47am ·

Louise
Come on you guys, you love it and you know it. ( I'm Charlotte's mom)
October 29 at 11:13am ·

Stacy
14 year old still going trick or treating...he dressed up like a girl for years and pulled it off pretty good but now that he cut his hair....
October 29 at 12:02pm ·

Julie
Wait, we have to smile too???



Charlotte (me again)
I am stressing already and nothing starts until tomorrow. I just have to use babysitter time today to prepare for tomorrow's parade, party and baseball class. Also go to Dr.'s appt. bank, pay bills, pick up Mike from school, Target and throw a costume together for Jake that looks like his mother cares about him, even though he doesn't know Halloween from his elbow. And Jake just did something destructive but very impressive to one of our baby gates instead of napping. Tomorrow morning I get to dress them up for Halloween all super cute and fluffy get them to Mike's class party and convince Bekah that's better than going to her party because i can't be in 2 places at once and drag my insane 2 yr. old along who is already giving me chronic shoulder pain because he weighs more than that balloon boy kid who is 6 yrs. old and he constantly wants to run away. Do parade with kids' school, come home and try to feed them lunch and do nap and then baseball class which I hope Mike will behave at and Bekah and Jake will not want to join. I can fake smile through anything but I will be sweaty and have frizzy hair and I refuse to suck in my stomach. Mom it's time to start the Aricept. Love,Charlotte

Charlotte
Just kidding about the Aricept mom, I don't' want you to google that and get mad at me.
October 29 at 1:05pm ·

Charlotte
And if I don't' go get my eyebrows waxed soon people are going to start confusing me with my husband. Ok seriously now I am going to do filing because I am sure Jimmy Hoffa is buried under a pile of bills on my desk.
October 29 at 1:10pm ·

Pamela
Before I had kids I thought all the holiday stuff would be a blast. Now I realize exactly how hard it is and that it is a lot of work. It is not about me having fun, it is about the kids having fun, which is right, but kind of sad - especially since I doubt they are going to remember any of it. I always wanted to be a fun mom, but it is hard to be a fun mom when there is so much work that has to get done and you are the only one doing it. I guess you just have to do the best you can and write off the rest. Otherwise, it will make you crazy. :-)
October 29 at 3:28pm ·

Charlotte
I am less stressed now. I got a lot done today and Sarah helped me with creative ideas. Thank G-d for somebody younger with more energy. This was all sooo much fun when you were a kid, it's BECAUSE YOUR MOMMA DID IT ALL! Now for a walk and pumpkin carving.
October 29 at 3:41pm ·

Linda
I use to love dressing up for Halloween...but with kids, I forget about me and now tomorrow people expect us, teachers, to wear costumes...I don't have one! Where did the days go?
October 29 at 6:09pm ·



I hit a nerve didn't I?

We make it to the parties in time and the kids were adorable. I brought cheese and crackers to Mike's party and then Bekah wanted to go to her party with her peers. So I did end up dragging Jake back and forth between the 2 classrooms and just kept him in his stroller for basically 2 hours.

The parade of 2-5 year old's march to the city hall and the employees and police pass out candy and even the new mayor came out to greet the kids. Some asshole gave the kids whistles though!!! Who does that? I quickly confiscated those.

Halloween day dawns and Jake has a fever. So I stayed home with him while the kids hung out with Erik all day and then went to Auntie M.'s for pizza and trick and treating. Mike started to whine that he was tired before the third house, sure enough he woke up sick on Sunday.

Now it's Monday. Mike has a fever, Jake is healthy ,and surly, and so far (knock on wood) Bekah is healthy. It's 80 degrees today and I am watching Scooby Doo. I want to go to the park!

Below is Bekah as Dorothy and Michael as Optimus Prime. And Chester, Auntie M's dog, as Yoda.

Here's to Thanksgiving!

"Mommy, What is Rich?" Dr. Karen Monroy

I have been fortunate enough to be allowed to read a yet to be released children's book. "Mommy, What is Rich?" by Dr. Karen Monroy. There are some excerpts and colorful illustrations, from the book on her website. This book ,written for small children, is perfect for my three kids ages 2-5 years old. The simple language conveys a very powerful message about the real value of wealth.

The young boy in, "Mommy, What is Rich?", asks his mother a series of questions about the definition of wealth, and how he can increase his. His mother's answers at first are obvious: family,friends, food, shelter and love, are all the richness you need. But the answers that I really loved, are less obvious. She took the time to point out that he is rich because of traits he already possesses: kindness, thoughtfulness, even his playfulness. What an excellent lesson to teach your child, that their innate positive personality traits are worth more than what is in their wallet.

Through the voice of the boy's mother, the author continues to explore the feeling of desire, as in acquiring more wealth. That the desire to acquire things is not a negative feeling, but it needs to be balanced with your love of life.

I look forward to actually owning this book when it's released. With the holidays approaching and the inevitable over-consumption of food and the gift exchanges, exploring the topic of real wealth, with my children, becomes even more relevant.

I seriously can't think of a title

Last Saturday Erik and I celebrated our 6 year wedding anniversary with a day in Calistoga. The drive was amazingly scenic because of the fall colors. (Yes we do have fall colors in California!) I discovered one down-side to having a husband who does not have to commute to work; Erik has forgotten how to drive.

I kept slamming on an imaginary brake-pedal and eventually leaned back and closed my eyes. I wasn't resting ,I was praying, "Holy shit don't let him kill us!". What's even more amazing is that Erik's sister, Auntie M., is the best driver ever! I think she missed her calling as either a bacherlorette party planner or driving instructor.

Anyways we made it to Calistoga alive and had an awesome lunch at this place. This restaurant was at an actual resort which we decided we would stay at after we won the lottery. Totally not in our budget, but damn, it was gorgeous.

We walked around Calistoga a little bit and then went to a spa for bath treatments and massages. Erik went for the Volcanic Ash Bath and I chose a Lavender bath. These were done in a private bath-house for two. I am so immature that I can't say bath-house without giggling. And then we both got 60 minute massages.

I felt relaxed for the first time in weeks! This woman was really skillful and I felt great! Only thing is that she was a little small in stature with gigantic boobs. When she stood at the head of the table and went to rub down my upper back, well her boobs rested on my head. I opened my eyes in alarm and stared at the floor ,but the massage felt so good I quickly got over it.




Then I drove to Walnut Creek, where we met Auntie M., Uncle Chrissy and one of my several friends named Julie for dinner at Va de Vi. Excellent food and wine but towards the end we felt like we were being pushed out. For the amount of money I spent that day, they are lucky I didn't take off my pants and get really comfortable.



Weekend ended on a high note when Auntie M. calls the next day and asks if she can bring over a chicken enchilada casserole and if I can make a salad.............duh. Who would say no to that?!





I am not going to bore you with the details of my doctor's appointment, I am improving that's all.



I will also not give you all the details of my firstborn's horrible week at school. I will ramble on about that on my private blog. Just in case he does decide to run for president someday, I don't want people to not vote for him because they read on this blog that he was a complete spazz in Kindergarten.




And as of yesterday, all of us are vaccinated for the swine flu! I haven't felt this safe since Erik got his vasectomy. I feel like going out and licking shopping carts!!



H1N1 still struck close to home though, one of Erik's coworkers got it and now Erik is on call all weekend. Leaving me to do the solo mom thing. In fact I am writing this from our gym. I worked out, got to shower by myself, and am now enjoying the free WiFi. I have 15 minutes left before their time is up in the daycare. And roughly 3 hours before I can start drinking.

Thankfully I have a Raiders game to look forward to tomorrow. Raiderrrrrrrz! Hopefully Erik won't be too tired. Knock on wood is on call isn't too crazy tonight and that he can whip through his rounds in the morning. I am not a huge Raiders, or even a football fan, but nobody goes to a Raiders game to watch football. Oakland Raiders' games are all about beer, nachos, and fistfights. Raiders fans will even fight with each other. I have never been to a game where I didn't see somebody being led away in handcuffs. I went and saw the Raiders and a football game broke out. I crack myself up. Seriously, that's why I don't bring my kids! It's just going to be Erik and myself. My oldest would love to go but I told him he has to wait for his 18th birthday.

After we take BART home from the game then we will take the whole family to Auntie M. and Uncle Chrissy's house, for Uncle Chrissy's birthday party.

Our beloved Dr. Pants is in town with his wife from Madison, Wisconsin. We will see them Monday or Tuesday. Dr. Pants (nickname from his womanizing days) now has a P.h.d. to add to his M.D. I believe his area of expertise is Addiction medicine (wiping away tears of laughter and irony) One of these days he will actually finish school and get a real job. Just kidding! I LOVE his wife, a very cool, laid back chick and a real estate agent. Only bummer isthat they are not bringing their kids!! I understand they need a vacation but I wanted our kids to hang out. Maybe next time.

And next week is Halloween!!

Family Pictures

I hate to nag you all, but the holidays are coming up. Have you ordered your holiday cards yet? Go here and contact the photographer Melinda Bunker to schedule your family photo session. She has a special holiday promo going on, with very few spaces left. Mention N.E.O. Moms (Charlotte) and I get some free prints, I won't lie.

Here are some examples below:

Trust me, being able to get my kids to hold still for pics was a giant feat.

Almost 1 year Blog Birthday

So N.E.O. Moms is almost a year old!! I am re-posting a blog post from my first blog. The below post is basically a precursor of N.E.O. Moms. It explains some of the drama that led to me creating a forum for moms/women/parents who don't get offended easily by the realities of life. This is review for long-term followers and necessary information for new followers.


So I am in a moms club, that has nothing to do with that other one, and have been since Mike was 6 months old. The camaraderie and support have been a lifesaver. In the 3 and a 1/2 years that I have been a member we have been mostly free of any controversy, until now. As the population of our club increases, so does the variety of personalities. We communicate by an email group, so of course the amount of emails have increased as well. This is where the conflict lies. Some of the moms were annoyed by the amount of emails,and then offended by content. This prompted our dear leader to send out an email that was basically a copy and paste of the bylaws. She is a cool chick and she is just fulfilling one of the roles of her position.

Well this prompted me, and some of my more vociferous friends, to wonder if it was something in particular that we wrote that provoked this smack down. Was it the email thread about penis water bottles, sex in exotic places, discarded foreskins or alcohol consumption, we will never know. So then everyone was on eggshells, sending out emails with disclaimers stating, I hope this is ok, I hope nobody is offended, I hope this is within our bylaws. I of course was one of those people and I sent it out tongue and cheek thinking this silliness would blow over and we could get back to the camraderie I thought all of us were enjoying. Wrong. I received a personal email back setting my ass straight.

This email was long, and swaddled in phrases of support for fellow moms, like respecting other mother's time and being sensitive to other mom's thresholds of offensiveness. But none of this could hide the underlying tone of condescension and control. I don't do condescending or authority very well. After reading this email I tried to sleep on it but that didn't work. I sent it to some very close friends to get feedback and that didn't quell my anger either. Then I sent out a smartass remark about mom's being too tired to use the delete button and that started a shit storm.

An onslaught of emails were posted by women whining about having to wade through a barrage of emails they found to be frivolous and inappropriate. They complained about their precious morning and afternoons being wasted because they had to read all these offensive emails. What ever happened to the delete buttons on their computers? When I am confronted by a boring thread of emails, I just delete them, no big deal.

As for offensiveness, this really gets my goat. We are mothers, we are women, we are adults. To paraphrase my friend Barb, you have to have sex to be a mother, it's kind of a prerequisite of a mom's club. So even if you adopted your child or used IVF, it's most likely that you at one point had sex and figured out it wasn't working like you planned. Even if you are a lesbian mother and have never had sex with a man, you at some point probably had sex with your partner. Considering the level of alarm that some of the mothers have expressed about the content of emails and conversations at our mom's night outs, I am thinking that their children are a result of virgin births or sex through a hole in a sheet. This is just my opinion of course.

Yes you heard right somebody complained about the adult conversations at one of our recent mom's nights out, that has nothing to do with any other mom's night out. Once a month we have a mom's night out event, that has nothing to do with any other event, with no children allowed, unless you are nursing. At the last event no children were present and somebody actually complained that we were talking about sex. If there are no children present then adult conversation is not inappropriate. Adult conversation should not be censored from email as well because it is assumed that a child is not reading an adult's emails. It is a parent's responsibility to make sure their children are not subjected to anything beyond their comprehension.

I am not alone in my opinion. I have received personal emails from women not easily offended, who agree with me and are dismayed by the path our club is taking. What is appropriate for adults is not appropriate for children. A successful mother's club realizes that distinction. What the new moms have yet to learn is that you can love and serve your children without sacrificing yourself. It is totally ok for you to be your true self and positively channel that into your childrearing practices. Otherwise you are going to be left alone with your husband, and you are going to be nothing but a shell. I am not talking about a pretty abalone shell, I am talking about an empty snail shell, with cobwebs.

It is absolutely fine for you to still hold onto the interests you had before becoming a parent. You may have to get a sitter to participate in them or even delay those activities for a few years, but you should not give them up. I enjoy cooking, dining out and reading. I can cook for guests while they watch my kids and keep them out of the kitchen. I get a sitter to dine out and I read before bed when my kids are asleep. What I really miss is listening to classical music and doing jigsaw puzzles. I know, I know, I am a closet nerd. I can put on classical music but my kids would eat and/or destroy a jigsaw puzzle so I don't even try. We are working up to camping and hiking. My point is that you don't have to completely give up who you are to be a good mom.

So is this division in the mom's club, different from that other mom's club, from new, inexperienced moms or is it a deeper division of philosophy? I recently went to a new member's house and saw a giant cross hanging on her wall. If I was a vampire or a werewolf, I would not feel safe in this neighborhood. As a Jew, I felt a little squirmy. I had a paranoid premonition that things in the mom's club were gonna change. Turns out I wasn't so paranoid. I really hope that is not it. If this sudden upheaval and outrage over behavior, we have grown accustomed to, is because of an infiltration of conservative christians, then I hope they join a mom's club in their church or I will just hit the road myself.

Well I think I have stirred up enough shit with this particular blog posting, what do you think? I need to watch t.v. with my husband now and go to bed soon.

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy

I saw my new super fabulous gastroenterologist today. Don't laugh at me for putting a link for gastroenterologist because most people are lucky enough to not know what that is. He gave me the go ahead to eat salad, raw veggies and light dairy (with a lactaid tablet). And I can go back to the gym!

But, drumroll please.................I can start cutting back on the Prednisone, side effects I have experienced:

changes in vision
filling or rounding out of the face
headache
high blood pressure
muscle cramps or pain
nausea
pain in arms, back, hips, legs, ribs, or shoulders
sensitivity of eyes to light
swelling of feet or lower legs
mood swings/irritability
trouble in sleeping
unusual bruising
unusual tiredness or weakness
sweating
wounds that will not heal


I have changed the font on my emails to size 18 because my eyes are tweaky like this chick and I couldn't focus. The week after I came home from the hospital I was dizzy, felt faint and would see stars just sitting on the damn couch.

Unfortunately while I have been taking Prednisone my kids' voices sound like fingernails on a chalkboard. I am grateful beyond belief that my husband is a rock star. He will say, "Hon..." and that's interpreted as, "Hey chick you're losing it with the kids.". And then I say, "Dude seriously, I am trying to hold it together as best I can. ". And then he says, "Hey kids, let's go upstairs/downstairs/outside.".

3o minutes after I take the Prednisone in the morning this is what is happening in my frontal lobes. I like my frontal lobes when they are undisturbed.

The first week after I was released from the hosptial I would burst into tears at the slightest provacation. Then my awesome nurse practitioner prescribed me something for sleep and my weepiness turned into irritability. Except that's an understatement. Irritability is when somebody chews with their mouth open, uses double negatives, orders 5 drinks at Starbucks before 9am when there is a long line. The feelings I have are more akin to like, cutting you off in traffic at a red light, and then pulling you out of your driver's seat and beating the shit out of you. Of course I would never do that.

So before my dear nurse practioner prescribed me something for sleep I felt like these chicks. Now I only feel like them in the middle of the night. After the stuff wears off. Some sleep is better than none. So back in the day I have done some partying. Waaaay back! Have you ever taken acid (LSD) that was cut with a ton of crank? Don't worry I will answer that for you. It sucks. The pretty colors wear off and you are wide awake and it's not good. You can literally drink a 12 pack of beer and run a marathon and still not feel tired. This experience has taught me that I will never have to worry about being addicted to Cocaine or any other drug in that family. Caffiene is the strongest upper I can handle. And an occasional Sudafed, when the air gets bad. Me likey mellow.

I tried to tell my new gastroenterologist how awesome he was today, how grateful I was for the considerate, thoughtful care that he gave me. Then I started to tear up and I clammed up. And this is how awesome he is, he said, "I know the Prednisone makes you cry, I know this isn't you. And it was my total pleasure to take care of you.". Uhm of course that didn't help my condition.I am not one of those chicks who can just cry and move on. When I cry my eyes immediately swell, my face, neck and chest get red and blotchy, my nose runs, my voice gets shaky and I sound like a 12 year old boy going through puberty. It's like I am allergic to tears. So as soon as I shut myself down out of embarassement, my new doc laughed and said, "Some people actually get giddy on steroids. ". Holy shit, giddy?! I love giddy!

Starting tommorrow I get to reduce the Prednisone by 10 mg and will continue to reduce by 10 mg each week for the next 4 weeks. Phew! I will soon feel like the garden below.

Ok not really but that's my goal.

And we forgot our anniversary. Erik and I just totally forgot that October 4th was our 6 year wedding anniversary. So this weekend I nailed down Saint Sarah and we are going for volcanic ash baths and 60 minute massages in Calistoga and some dinner.

Every day is looking up!!!!!!!!!!

Beach Party from Summer 2009

Ok no more I have dishes to do!

Video from San Diego

Warning: Making videos is addictive!

Bucket Head

I have a couple of numbers to share with you. At least 14 different people have recommended a leash/safety harness for my son Michael. And at least 11 different people have asked me, "Hey, do you remember that movie Parenthood? You know the one with Steve Martin?". And I say, "Yes" (and I know what's coming next.) "Your son Jake totally reminds of that kid from that movie with the bucket on his head!". I totally agree. The blond curls, the disarming smile, his lack of intelligible speech and the missing link qualities of his daily activities.

And I swear to you I did not set up this picture series on purpose!!! The little monkey came up to me with a bucket on his head today and I scrambled around like a maniac looking for my camera, and praying that there was battery charge and memory space. I got lucky!!! (Please excuse the condition of my house we live like slobs)

Ok I added the trailer to the movie Parenthood just in case you aren't following me. And I apologize ahead of time for the length of this trailer. "Dude, what length you ask it's 2 minutes and 35 seconds long?." "Yeah I know but my attention span is about 90 seconds and I refuse to watch videos longer than 2 minutes. And my friends send me videos and I lie and say that was great." And they are like," Really, because it was a snuff film?" And then I have to say, " Oh I must have missed that part. " .

Anyways Steve Martin is a comedic genius and Mary Steenburgen, she's so pretty, like the perfect mom. I hate Keanau Reeves but his role in this movie was quality.

Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Blog

So it's final, I need to stop talking about my colon. I had a normal bowel movement and I told my husband and he said, "OMG, are you going to blog about it? Take a picture and put it on Facebook? Are you going to tweet about it? Oh wait don't forget to upload that picture to twitpic.com!". I stood there with my jaw hanging and realized it's time to move on.



And my husband is a mother fucking smart ass.



But first, final shout outs to cool chicas taking care of me and my family.

Valerie= Super yummy casserole and those cookies were orgasmic! Seriously like fist-fight over the last one! And she is so sweet she brought me a mini-pumpkin and Halloween stickers, for me! Do you have one of those friends that are just pretty? I mean I can find beauty in anything but she is just so pretty. She's little with big hair and big eyes, and funny and smart.



Yvette G.= Off the hook chicken pot pie! I will get this recipe to you because you will lick the tin pie pan. And I have to say that the first week I was out of the hospital I could not handle extra monkeys around here, I was not too emotionally stable. But my dear friends who have showed up in the last week, I welcomed bringing their brood into my house. My kids are now more social after recovering from my absence so they welcome their monkey friends with open arms.



Debbie L. = Brought over like 5 days worth of food! And she works full-time! I love this chick because she is just who she is and that's it. I don't think I have ever met someone more secure in their own skin. And you know what's trippy? Her and her husband didn't want kids. And then one day her husband changed his mind and she was cool with it and they had the most perfect son. And I met her when she joined my old Mom's Club that I accidentally blew up.



Jen G.= I have known this chick forever. Our kids have been in the same playgroup since they were 6 months old. Her daughter, and the other baby girls, were all sitting up while the boys were rolling around drooling. Also she is an amazing cook!!! And I was so glad she brought her monkeys into play, even though she witnessed Michael beating the crap out of Bekah in a random moment of violence.



Chicken Pot Pie
Prep: 40 min;
Bake: 35 min
Make putting this all-time favorite together a snap by purchasing a ready-to-use pie crust.

1 (10-ounce) package frozen peas and carrots
1/3 cup butter or stick margarine
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/3 cup chopped onions
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 3/4 cups chicken broth - I use homemade stock
2/3 cup milk
2 1/2 to 3 cups cut-up cooked chicken or turkey - Rotisserie from Costco or Safeway

Pastry for 9-inch Two-Crust Pie (see recipe) - Pillsbury Pie Crust from refrigerated aisle

1. Rinse frozen peas and carrots in cold water to separate; drain.
2. Melt butter in 2-quart saucepan over medium heat. Stir in flour, onion, salt and pepper. Cook, stirring constantly, until mixture is bubbly; remove from heat. Stir in broth and milk. Heat to boiling, stirring constantly. Boil and stir 1 minute. Stir in chicken and peas and carrots; remove from heat.
3. Heat oven to 425°.
4. Make pastry. Roll two-thirds of the pastry into 13-inch square. Ease into ungreased square pan, 9 ¥ 9 ¥ 2 inches. Pour chicken mixture into pastry-lined pan.
5. Roll remaining pastry into 11-inch square. Cut out designs with 1-inch cookie cutter. Place square over chicken mixture. Arrange cutouts on pastry.(Yvette made a heart on mine!) Turn edges of pastry under and flute.

* I use a standard pie plate.
6. Bake about 35 minutes or until golden brown.

NUTRITION FACTS: 1 Serving (about 1 cup):; Calories 685 (Calories from Fat 425); Fat 47g (Saturated 16g); Cholesterol 80mg; Sodium 1,050mg; Carbohydrate 44g (Dietary Fiber 3g); Protein 24g % DAILY VALUE:; Vitamin A 48%; Vitamin C 4%; Calcium 6%; Iron 20% DIET EXCHANGES:; 2 Starch; 2 Medium-Fat Meat; 3 Vegetable; 6 Fat My best friends and I have been making this recipe since college. I think it originally came out of a Betty Crocker cookbook.

I still can't hit the gym until my blood pressure is under control which won't happen until I am the Prednisone (evil steroid). So I decided to take advantage of my IV/liquid diet weight loss by scheduling professional family photos. Which means I have spent the last 5 days obsessively looking for the perfect outfits for my family to wear. And pick a location where there is no running water because there is no way in Hell Jake will pose for pictures with any water, anywhere. Even Michael would be too distracted. We are using Melinda Bunker. A N.E.O. Mom of course and a phenomenal photographer.

If you are a reader of this blog who lives closer to the San Jose area I have another N.E.O. Mom photographer to reccommend to you. In high school I knew her as Patti and she once called me, "A walking social disease", but I forgive her because that's a pretty funny line and I was a mess. Now she is professionally known as Patricia Martin Photography. The pictures of the newborns on her website make Anne Geddes look like she works at Sears Portraits.

Ok wow I serioulsy need to get off this couch and get my ass in gear. That laundry isn't going to fold itself. But before I lurch out of here I did pin Saint Sarah down to babysit the kids so Erik and I can celebrate our 6 year anniversary appropriately. I nailed her down for a whole Saturday. So maybe a couples massage and a dinner and a movie. Or maybe a hotel room and some hookers and crack like the good ol' days before we had kids. Any ideas?

Reiki Healing at Bodylines Day Spa

Last week I took advantage of the time I have Sarah to heal. Tuesday I took a nap and did some writing and Thursday I booked a Reiki Healing and massage. Reiki has worked for me in the past to bring me into deep relaxation and to feel spiritually clean. Even if it's a total bullshit placebo effect it doesn't hurt right?



I find out about Reiki from a woman I used to work with at a group home. She was born on a Cherokee Indian Reservation and her mom was Wiccan. She was a fascinating person to say the least. She used Reiki on me once for a migraine and I was sold! I thought she was touching my scalp but I kid you not her hand was 6 inches above my head. I could waves of "energy" coming off her hands and colors exploded behind my eyelids. It felt great! Other times I have enjoyed Reiki I was awake but snoring, weird huh? I was so relaxed I was stuck somewhere between sleep and wakefullness.

So last Thursday I thought I would give it another try and how about this for cosmic coincidence? The practioner is a colon cancer survivor. I didn't know that when I made the appointment, it's not something I would generally ask over the phone. So here I was just getting out of the hospital from an Ulcerative Colitis flare-up and I get a therapist who is a colon cancer survivor. I am not healed, there was no miracle, but I felt I was in safe and understanding hands.

Friday morning I ate the most solid food in a long time. I had some squishy turkey meatloaf and mashed potatoes and it gave me the energy I needed to take the monkeys to a pumpkin patch. My niece Kaitlyn came along as well.

I love hay bail mazes that are only waist high so you can actually see your kids!!! And check out the box below. Instead of sand it's all corn! It was so cool! The kids loved it, they spent at least 30 minutes playing in there.

That's Kaitlyn playing beast of burden to Bekah and one of her favorite classmates. I have to warn you right now that this is my favorite time of year to take pictures of my kids. They have their daddy's olive skin so they look beautiful in fall colors and I love to take them to pumpkin patches and parks to take pictures because the weather is perfect this time of year in the bay area.

I have to give out some more public thank yous. My friend Valerie brought us a yummy dinner last night and she is so sweet she included a mini pumpkin and stickers for me since I really can't eat too many different foods right now. But Bekah got ahold of that pumpkin before I did and decorated it for me. And Mike and Bekah came out of the woodwork to say Hi this time so they are getting over my trip to the hospital.

Another dear mom friend sent me a get well card in the mail with gift certificates to Forbes Mill's steakhouse for when I can eat LARGE portions of beef again! Yummy! Thanks so much Anne-Marie, very cool of you!

And the winner is.............my husband. He took all 3 kids out of the house all day so I can try to sleep. This Prednisone shit that I am on wakes me up in the middle of the night and I feel like I am on meth. I have been snapping at everyone all morning and instead of getting mad at me for it, he is being understanding instead. That takes a real man.

So I am going to try to get a nap if I can.