Friday, October 2, 2009
A Post A Day Keeps the Vampires Away
This blog I never heard of called, NaBloWriMo, put me on their blog roll. It is a blog roll showcasing blogs committed to posting everyday. Basically to promote writing, reading and literacy. Always a good thing. Check them out!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
New Traditions & Thank You Cards
Before my 3 day hospitalization last week ,whenver anyone came to my door, friend or foe, it was like owning 3 Chihuahuas instead of 3 kids. Everyone came scrambling and chattering towards the front door. Total chaos. If you were a friend you were invited in, and if you were a foe I gave you major attitude, while I tried to keep my offspring from pissing on your leg.
Now a week after being released from the hospital, when somebody rings our bell, Mike and Bekah hide because they think mommy is going to leave again, and somebody else is going to take over. That is my theory. Jake doesn't hide, he has now realized there is food involved. this is how it goes:
Doorbell rings or there is a knock on door; Mike and Bekah dissappear and get silent.
Jake grunts and hustles to front door and looks up at me expectedly as I limp and sweat towards the front door.
Mom Friend: (These aren't exact quotes)
"Oh my G-d you look great" ( because we are all sick bitches who want to lost 10 pounds by I.V./liquid diet, don't lie!! )
"My kids are in the car and they are being horrible, so I have to run."
"This food is just awful and it's the best I can do".
or
"I really didn't cook this, because if I did cook for you then you would end up in the hospital again.".
So basically this is how we were raised right? As women we are to diminish our helpfulness? Like anything short of coming in and raising my kids and sucking off my husband is completely sub-par? Trust me it's not, I am grateful, for everything.
My response at the front door:
"Oh thank you hopefully I can keep up the weight loss momentum with a work-out in the gym when I have more energy.". (Pathetic, but true)
"Oh well I don't want your kids to overheat in the driveway and I am sorry my kids aren't saying Hi, I actually have no idea where they are."
"I totally appreciate any dinners that anyone brings because I know that everyone is super busy with their own lives. I am touched beyond belief by the overwhelming service to my family, and humanity as a whole ,and right now I would give my left tit for a cheeseburger." Ok that's definitely not an exact quote but my left tit is the best thing hanging on this body, so that's damn serious.
After we exchange those American born and raised female pleasantries I gather up the food and head for the kitchen. My plan is to keep food warm until dinner time and fix a plate for when Erik gets home. Jake climbs into his high-chair and looks at me with great expectation. Pupils wide, eyebrows raised, drool. Jake is now averaging 4 meals a day plus at least 3 snacks. This is the best thing that has ever happened to him, he loves food. His dinner was a bowl of turkey chili,with cheese, 3 corn muffins with butter, and a 1/2 can of pears in juice. He only weighs 36 pounds and that was just dinner!
Bekah and Mike crawled out of the woodwork looking for brownies and were thrilled to find corn muffins. A dozen corn muffins are now gone in less than 5 hours.
My diet sucks!! I am eating poached eggs in miso broth, pureed veggie soups, dairy free instant mashed potatoes and anything with a fiber content of less than 1 gram. I have actually ordered poached eggs in miso in a restaurant but it contained udon noodles and tempura shrimp, totally different entree. And the steroids make me nauseous and appetite free anyways. I need to find a physician who does medical marijuana.............because it's so hard to find weed in Northern California..........
Moving right along.
So here is another raised in the United States woman thing that you are supposed to do; thank you cards. It's right, it's polite, it's expected, it's just not going to fucking happen. And here is why; my attention span is ridiculous. If I were to actually send a thank you card on stationary, with a stamp, through the mail, it would take effort that would kill me. This is what happens when I go to send a thank you card for anything: I get a babysitter, I am excited to see another adult so I waste at least 15 minutes boring her to death with details of my life, I grab a huge coffee and go upstairs to my "home office", remove cat and other random shit, open blinds, stare at nothing for 15 minutes, pee, turn on computer, get completely sidetracked by email, Facebook, blog and twitter, gather up all addresses from hardcopy, email, and post-it notes,find $.32 stamps and realize that's not going to get me far, pee, get totally distracted by email, Facebook, blog and twitter, get hungry, eat lunch, find thank you card stationary, address 2 thank you cards, get so tired I can't keep eyes open, remove cat from bed, pass out. Get up, go to bank, pay sitter, feel like an asshole and yell at kids.
So I am going to thank you all here and now, because that's the best I can do at this point in my life.
Merrill= Bringing me mags in hospital and major kid wrangling.
Janice= Kid wrangling, food, visits, cute holiday decorations, laundry, phone calls, flowers, taking care of your son, etc.
My mom= kid wrangling, food, visits, spending the night, taking abuse.
Rebecca= Orchid which I have not killed, card, taking Mike for playdate, anything else you have ever done.
Julie B.= Much appreciated food and my mom was ready to go home with you. I swear you are the nicest person.
Barb= Even though you are completely sick with the first trimester love you came over and took care of my boys. You even did laundry and fed them. I will tell you right now that they so heavily medicated my ass that I barely remember you being here, so it was imperative that another adult was here and I am so glad it was you.
Julie C.= Ladybug card and banana bread showed up at the exact same time poison meds hit my blood stream. That was good because the extra emotiaonality made me re-set my priorities. I totally honor your breast cancer walk thing even though I am preoccupied with another body part right now.
Courtney M.= You seriously crack me up. Talking to you on my doorstep yesterday gave me a great chuckle. You are one of the few people that can understand that even though I am upset my 5 year old dropped the "F" bomb at school, I was grateful that he used it in a sentence. I love your sense of humor, and since your food is all gone it was obviously EDIBLE!!
Pam P. = So you brought turkey chili tonight and corn muffins that are already gone! This is the ridiculous part of me having ulcerative colitis, I like veggies, I like beans, I like legumes!! A healthy colon lives off low-fat/high fiber foods right? Basically my colon should have a fucking cape and fly around the world. Give me your Dal, your split pea, your cruciferous vegetables, your whole grains, a giant pot of 5 bean soup, and a pint of Guinness! No!!!!!!!!!!!! I can live like that until a flare-up and then it's all Wonder bread and whatever................
I took one whiff of your chili tonight and immediately split it in half and put it in the freezer. I can't wait until I am healthy because I will thaw that and put cheese, onions and fat free sour cream and eat it with a high fiber bread.
Love and gratitude
Now a week after being released from the hospital, when somebody rings our bell, Mike and Bekah hide because they think mommy is going to leave again, and somebody else is going to take over. That is my theory. Jake doesn't hide, he has now realized there is food involved. this is how it goes:
Doorbell rings or there is a knock on door; Mike and Bekah dissappear and get silent.
Jake grunts and hustles to front door and looks up at me expectedly as I limp and sweat towards the front door.
Mom Friend: (These aren't exact quotes)
"Oh my G-d you look great" ( because we are all sick bitches who want to lost 10 pounds by I.V./liquid diet, don't lie!! )
"My kids are in the car and they are being horrible, so I have to run."
"This food is just awful and it's the best I can do".
or
"I really didn't cook this, because if I did cook for you then you would end up in the hospital again.".
So basically this is how we were raised right? As women we are to diminish our helpfulness? Like anything short of coming in and raising my kids and sucking off my husband is completely sub-par? Trust me it's not, I am grateful, for everything.
My response at the front door:
"Oh thank you hopefully I can keep up the weight loss momentum with a work-out in the gym when I have more energy.". (Pathetic, but true)
"Oh well I don't want your kids to overheat in the driveway and I am sorry my kids aren't saying Hi, I actually have no idea where they are."
"I totally appreciate any dinners that anyone brings because I know that everyone is super busy with their own lives. I am touched beyond belief by the overwhelming service to my family, and humanity as a whole ,and right now I would give my left tit for a cheeseburger." Ok that's definitely not an exact quote but my left tit is the best thing hanging on this body, so that's damn serious.
After we exchange those American born and raised female pleasantries I gather up the food and head for the kitchen. My plan is to keep food warm until dinner time and fix a plate for when Erik gets home. Jake climbs into his high-chair and looks at me with great expectation. Pupils wide, eyebrows raised, drool. Jake is now averaging 4 meals a day plus at least 3 snacks. This is the best thing that has ever happened to him, he loves food. His dinner was a bowl of turkey chili,with cheese, 3 corn muffins with butter, and a 1/2 can of pears in juice. He only weighs 36 pounds and that was just dinner!
Bekah and Mike crawled out of the woodwork looking for brownies and were thrilled to find corn muffins. A dozen corn muffins are now gone in less than 5 hours.
My diet sucks!! I am eating poached eggs in miso broth, pureed veggie soups, dairy free instant mashed potatoes and anything with a fiber content of less than 1 gram. I have actually ordered poached eggs in miso in a restaurant but it contained udon noodles and tempura shrimp, totally different entree. And the steroids make me nauseous and appetite free anyways. I need to find a physician who does medical marijuana.............because it's so hard to find weed in Northern California..........
Moving right along.
So here is another raised in the United States woman thing that you are supposed to do; thank you cards. It's right, it's polite, it's expected, it's just not going to fucking happen. And here is why; my attention span is ridiculous. If I were to actually send a thank you card on stationary, with a stamp, through the mail, it would take effort that would kill me. This is what happens when I go to send a thank you card for anything: I get a babysitter, I am excited to see another adult so I waste at least 15 minutes boring her to death with details of my life, I grab a huge coffee and go upstairs to my "home office", remove cat and other random shit, open blinds, stare at nothing for 15 minutes, pee, turn on computer, get completely sidetracked by email, Facebook, blog and twitter, gather up all addresses from hardcopy, email, and post-it notes,find $.32 stamps and realize that's not going to get me far, pee, get totally distracted by email, Facebook, blog and twitter, get hungry, eat lunch, find thank you card stationary, address 2 thank you cards, get so tired I can't keep eyes open, remove cat from bed, pass out. Get up, go to bank, pay sitter, feel like an asshole and yell at kids.
So I am going to thank you all here and now, because that's the best I can do at this point in my life.
Merrill= Bringing me mags in hospital and major kid wrangling.
Janice= Kid wrangling, food, visits, cute holiday decorations, laundry, phone calls, flowers, taking care of your son, etc.
My mom= kid wrangling, food, visits, spending the night, taking abuse.
Rebecca= Orchid which I have not killed, card, taking Mike for playdate, anything else you have ever done.
Julie B.= Much appreciated food and my mom was ready to go home with you. I swear you are the nicest person.
Barb= Even though you are completely sick with the first trimester love you came over and took care of my boys. You even did laundry and fed them. I will tell you right now that they so heavily medicated my ass that I barely remember you being here, so it was imperative that another adult was here and I am so glad it was you.
Julie C.= Ladybug card and banana bread showed up at the exact same time poison meds hit my blood stream. That was good because the extra emotiaonality made me re-set my priorities. I totally honor your breast cancer walk thing even though I am preoccupied with another body part right now.
Courtney M.= You seriously crack me up. Talking to you on my doorstep yesterday gave me a great chuckle. You are one of the few people that can understand that even though I am upset my 5 year old dropped the "F" bomb at school, I was grateful that he used it in a sentence. I love your sense of humor, and since your food is all gone it was obviously EDIBLE!!
Pam P. = So you brought turkey chili tonight and corn muffins that are already gone! This is the ridiculous part of me having ulcerative colitis, I like veggies, I like beans, I like legumes!! A healthy colon lives off low-fat/high fiber foods right? Basically my colon should have a fucking cape and fly around the world. Give me your Dal, your split pea, your cruciferous vegetables, your whole grains, a giant pot of 5 bean soup, and a pint of Guinness! No!!!!!!!!!!!! I can live like that until a flare-up and then it's all Wonder bread and whatever................
I took one whiff of your chili tonight and immediately split it in half and put it in the freezer. I can't wait until I am healthy because I will thaw that and put cheese, onions and fat free sour cream and eat it with a high fiber bread.
Love and gratitude
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
A Post from Last September 2008
Did you know that I usually drive a mini-van?
On a mom's night out, that has nothing to do with that other mom's night out, if I am lucky I get to drive my husband's car, otherwise known as our date car. It's a mercedes c230
Did you know that a manual c230 has 6 gears?
Did you know that a c230 can go 120 miles per hour?
Actually that's not true. A mercedes c230 can go 160 mph. But when you are going south on 680 at 10pm at night at 120 miles per hour you end up in Fremont before you know it and have to turn around and go home.
Did you know that going south on 680 at 120 mph at 10pm on a Monday night you can listen to The Rolling Stones, "Shattered" 10 times in a row between San Ramon and Fremont and back to San Ramon? Trust me you can and it rocks.
September 30th 2009
We have traded the Mercedes in for a Honda Accord. We will miss it but the lower car payments make it more worth it of course. The previous post was from my first blog that is now a private blog. "You Sure Do Have Your Hands Full". Just think N.E.O. Moms is almost a year old! I guess I will have to do something special for that day.
On a mom's night out, that has nothing to do with that other mom's night out, if I am lucky I get to drive my husband's car, otherwise known as our date car. It's a mercedes c230
Did you know that a manual c230 has 6 gears?
Did you know that a c230 can go 120 miles per hour?
Actually that's not true. A mercedes c230 can go 160 mph. But when you are going south on 680 at 10pm at night at 120 miles per hour you end up in Fremont before you know it and have to turn around and go home.
Did you know that going south on 680 at 120 mph at 10pm on a Monday night you can listen to The Rolling Stones, "Shattered" 10 times in a row between San Ramon and Fremont and back to San Ramon? Trust me you can and it rocks.
September 30th 2009
We have traded the Mercedes in for a Honda Accord. We will miss it but the lower car payments make it more worth it of course. The previous post was from my first blog that is now a private blog. "You Sure Do Have Your Hands Full". Just think N.E.O. Moms is almost a year old! I guess I will have to do something special for that day.
Ladybugs and Plagirism
Yesterday I was sitting around in my pajamas feeling sorry for myself when my phone rang. It was a dear friend telling me she didn't want to disturb me but that she did leave a treat on my doorstep. And then I started crying, again. Damn I hate crying. My usual moods run the gamut from happy, feisty, grumpy, sleepy, buzzed and hungry, but not weepy. I don't do weepy!
It's this fucking steroid Prednisone I am on for the next month. Like clockwork 30 minutes after I take it I start crying. For no reason! It's also making me short of breath, nauseous,sweaty and makes my legs and feet sore. So I am just limping around at home all sweaty and crying. My poor kids and husband, who the hell wants to live with that?
Well 30 minutes after I took my meds yesterday my friend showed up with her nice card and banana bread, so of course I started crying. I am now going to plagiarize what she wrote because it was directed not just at me but to all moms. I will tell you the author's name is Julie. But since I was born in 1970 pretty much all of my friends are named Julie, Stephanie, Megan, Michelle, Jennifer and a few Yvettes. So that really doesn't give you much of a clue.
The pretty card she gave me had some glittery ladybugs on it:
"I think it's time you take a second for yourself. I'm sure this flare-up was scary and humbling- health issues always are- so I hope that when (if?) you have a quiet moment you can reflect back on it and see it as a kind of wake-up call. It's so easy as mothers and wives to put ourselves on the back burner, and before you know it, the shit has really hit the fan! Please, next time you are in pain, don't try to hide it and ignore it. listen to your body, and lean a little on your support system when you need it- you clearly have an army of people around you who love you.
I hope you see this as helpful, not preachy. I adore you and want only the very best for you.
Take Care of Yourself!"
I promise I will and I want everyone else to do likewise.
I showed Erik that card last night and he totally agreed and thought it was very sweet. He told me he feels bad that I should have to cook 3 different kinds of foods every night: his dinner, my dinner if I even feel like eating, and then the kids' dinner. So I told him that some of my friends had volunteered to bring more meals and that I can ask if those are still available. Now we have 6 days of meals coming, Yay!!
I am also lettting the house go a little bit. When I get all sweaty, short of breath and start limping then I get to sit guilt free.
My oldest is having issues at school and I am not sure if he really is crying for me because he thinks I am going back to the hospital or if he is just milking it. My 5 year old is highly intelligent and OVERLY DRAMATIC. I am trying to toe the line of extra love and extra smackdown. He dropped an F bomb in class this week, but at least he used it in a sentence............. I sent an email to his teacher apologizing and asking for any brilliant ideas, she's a smart cookie so I can use her as a resource for sure. My other 2 monkeys are just more lovey dovey than usual, and that's totally fine.
And get this! My gorgeous husband has decided that waiting 3 more years for another vacation is absurb and not heathy for us as individuals, a couple and a family. I hid my sickness because I didn't want to ruin my brother's wedding and didn't want any attention on me. Fail!! So Erik wants me to book a weeklong family vacation in Februrary so that we have something to look forward to! I am on it! And Auntie M has forbidden me to take my kids to Disneyland without her. She told me she would be heartbroken and she wants to see their faces the first time they go. So we have to get planning on a early summer Disneyland trip! I haven't been to Disneyland in 26 years!!
Ok so this present nausea and sweating jag has passed and I need to clean the kitchen a little bit.
It's this fucking steroid Prednisone I am on for the next month. Like clockwork 30 minutes after I take it I start crying. For no reason! It's also making me short of breath, nauseous,sweaty and makes my legs and feet sore. So I am just limping around at home all sweaty and crying. My poor kids and husband, who the hell wants to live with that?
Well 30 minutes after I took my meds yesterday my friend showed up with her nice card and banana bread, so of course I started crying. I am now going to plagiarize what she wrote because it was directed not just at me but to all moms. I will tell you the author's name is Julie. But since I was born in 1970 pretty much all of my friends are named Julie, Stephanie, Megan, Michelle, Jennifer and a few Yvettes. So that really doesn't give you much of a clue.
The pretty card she gave me had some glittery ladybugs on it:
"I think it's time you take a second for yourself. I'm sure this flare-up was scary and humbling- health issues always are- so I hope that when (if?) you have a quiet moment you can reflect back on it and see it as a kind of wake-up call. It's so easy as mothers and wives to put ourselves on the back burner, and before you know it, the shit has really hit the fan! Please, next time you are in pain, don't try to hide it and ignore it. listen to your body, and lean a little on your support system when you need it- you clearly have an army of people around you who love you.
I hope you see this as helpful, not preachy. I adore you and want only the very best for you.
Take Care of Yourself!"
I promise I will and I want everyone else to do likewise.
I showed Erik that card last night and he totally agreed and thought it was very sweet. He told me he feels bad that I should have to cook 3 different kinds of foods every night: his dinner, my dinner if I even feel like eating, and then the kids' dinner. So I told him that some of my friends had volunteered to bring more meals and that I can ask if those are still available. Now we have 6 days of meals coming, Yay!!
I am also lettting the house go a little bit. When I get all sweaty, short of breath and start limping then I get to sit guilt free.
My oldest is having issues at school and I am not sure if he really is crying for me because he thinks I am going back to the hospital or if he is just milking it. My 5 year old is highly intelligent and OVERLY DRAMATIC. I am trying to toe the line of extra love and extra smackdown. He dropped an F bomb in class this week, but at least he used it in a sentence............. I sent an email to his teacher apologizing and asking for any brilliant ideas, she's a smart cookie so I can use her as a resource for sure. My other 2 monkeys are just more lovey dovey than usual, and that's totally fine.
And get this! My gorgeous husband has decided that waiting 3 more years for another vacation is absurb and not heathy for us as individuals, a couple and a family. I hid my sickness because I didn't want to ruin my brother's wedding and didn't want any attention on me. Fail!! So Erik wants me to book a weeklong family vacation in Februrary so that we have something to look forward to! I am on it! And Auntie M has forbidden me to take my kids to Disneyland without her. She told me she would be heartbroken and she wants to see their faces the first time they go. So we have to get planning on a early summer Disneyland trip! I haven't been to Disneyland in 26 years!!
Ok so this present nausea and sweating jag has passed and I need to clean the kitchen a little bit.
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