Teriyaki Turkey Burgers are one of my favorite meals. They are yummy served over rice but that bumps up the points a lot. So you can serve them over lettuce.
1 lb. lean ground turkey
1 egg
salt, pepper and garlic powder to taste
8 Tbs. Teriyaki sauce (like Kikkoman's)
1/2 tsp. powdered ginger
can of pineapple rings in juice, with 8 Tbs. juice reserved
electric skillet if you have one
Romaine or green leaf lettuce as much as you want.
Put turkey in bowl, make a well and crack egg into it. Take off your rings and squish it all up. Add salt, pepper, and garlic powder, squish a little more and form 4 patties. Pre-heat skillet to med-high heat. Whisk Teriyaki sauce, ginger and pineapple juice together in bowl.
Brown each burger 1-2 minutes each side in skillet. Reduce heat to low or simmer on electric skillet. Pour at least 2 Tbs. of sauce over each burger, and simmer with lid on for 2 minutes. Flip burgers and pour 2 more Tbs. of sauce (that should finish it off) over each burger and simmer for 2 more minutes with lid on so the sauce doesn't boil off. Check center of burger to make sure it's not pink. Serve over lettuce topped with a pineapple ring.
Turkey burger with egg is 4.5 points, the sauce for each burger is 1.5 points, each pineapple ring is 1/2 a point. Lettuce is zero points. So one turkey burger with pineapple and lettuce is 6.5 points.
Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Monday, November 7, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Week of Weight Watcher's Menus #2
Monday of this week I had a laproscopy to get rid of some endometriosis. It was outpatient and minor, but I still had to rest and I can't lift anything heavy, like children or a basket full of laundry. The best part of this week was getting rid of the endometriosis and the 2nd best part of this week was getting a meal delivered every night! I have a wonderful and supportive group of friends and they have been feeding my family all week. Everything has been sinfully delicious. But of course no exercise and large portions of comfort food is not good for the waistline.
I won't be ready for the gym by next week but I have to start being strict with my diet, or else I could pass for Santa by the time December rolls around. So below is a re-post of a week of Weight Watchers inspired meals. Wish me luck.
Monday, Monday
Breakfast=1 cup plain instant oatmeal with 3/4 cup blueberries=3 pts. Coffee with FF vanilla creamer=1pt.
Lunch= can of low-fat lentil soup and bag of pre-shredded carrots, simmer until carrots are tender, top with FF sour cream 2 Tbs.=5 pts. 1 small orange=0 pt.
Snack choices= All of these are zero points: 10 baby carrots, 1 side salad with FF Italian dressing, 1 small orange or peach. 1 points each: 1 slice canadian bacon, 5 cups over 90% FF popcorn, 1 slice FF cheese, 1 small whole wheat pita, 2 squares graham crackers, 1/2 cup cooked shrimp,1/2 cup cooked oatmeal,1/2 cup light yogurt,1 4inch pancake made from a mix, 1 medium apple, orange or pear.
Dinner= French Dip Roast Beef Sandwich 7 pts.
Recipe= 1 8oz. loaf French bread, cut in 1/2 horizontally, then vertically into 4 equal slices to make 8 pieces total
12 oz. cooked lean roast beef deli meat thinly sliced
2 cups low fat beef broth
Heat 2 cup Pyrex cup of beef broth in microwave, make 4 sandwiches with 1.5 oz beef each sandwich. Pour 1/4 cup of warm broth into 4 ramekins (little bowls) and dip your sandwich in broth and chow down. Horseradish is 0 points if you want to spread some on your sandwich.
Steam 1.5 cups of carrots and 1/2 cup broccoli florets=1 pt.
1 cup green grapes= 1 pt.
Taco Tuesday
Breakfast=2 toasted low-fat frozen waffles topped with 2 TBs low calorie syrup= 4pts.
Lunch= 2oz lean ham, 1 slice low-fat Swiss cheese on reduced calorie rye bread (2 slices) lettuce, tomato, and mustard=5 pts. 1 medium sliced apple=1pt.
Snack choices= 12 almonds= 2 pts., 1/2 cup FF frozen yogurt 2 pts.
Dinner=Turkey Taco Salad
Recipe: 1 lb. lean ground turkey
15 oz can of black beans
low sodium Taco seasoning packet
lettuce
1 heaping Tbs. FF sour cream, per person
1/4 cup shredded cheese (or less, per person)
small handful crushed tortilla chips, per person
red or green FF salsa to taste
Follow instructions on back of Taco seasoning packet. Before simmering add 1 can drained black beans. Pile as much lettuce as you want on your plate load up a 1/2 cup of turkey mixture onto plate,add salsa to taste, crush the chips, sprinkle the cheese and top with sour cream. 9.5 points per person
Corona Lite with lime= 2 points
Husband Home Late Wednesday
Breakfast= 3/4 cup Honey Nut Cheerios and 1/2 cup skim milk with small sliced banana= 4 pts.
Lunch=Leftover Turkey Taco Salad
Snack = 0 pts. veggie soup with one slice 2% milk swiss cheese melted on top=2pts
Dinner= Any frozen WW entree, or Eating Right, or Lean Cuisine (most of them have WW points listed right on the box) 7 pts. Very large glass of wine = 3 pts.
Thirsty Thursday
Breakfast= Pina Colada Smoothie (from WW website)
I broke my blender but this smoothie sounds worth buying another. Do not add rum until kids are in school.
16 oz canned pineapple, packed in juice, chunks, undrained
6 oz frozen orange juice concentrate
1/2 cup(s) light coconut milk
1 cup(s) ice cube(s)
Instructions
Combine ingredients in a blender and purée until smooth, adding more ice cubes if necessary to create a thick purée. Pour into 4 tall glasses and serve. Yields about 1 cup per serving. 3 pts. per serving.
Lunch=0 points veggie soup with melted 2% milk swiss cheese, large salad with 4 slices of 97% FF smoked deli ham chopped and 2 Tbs. light Ranch dressing=5 pts.
Snack=1 oz bag of Sun Chips Harvest Cheddar flavor= 3pts.
Dinner= Trader Joe's Mandarin Orange Chicken= 5 pts. per 1 cup serving
Hot and Sour Soup (off of WW website)
POINTS® Value: 1Servings: 6Preparation Time: 15 minCooking Time: 10 minLevel of Difficulty: Easy
Ingredients
4 cup(s) fat-free chicken broth
2 Tbsp rice vinegar
2 tsp Asian hot sauce, or chili paste, or to taste (or Tabasco and Asian fish sauce mixed together)
2 cup(s) shiitake mushroom(s), sliced (or pre-sliced white mushrooms)
1/3 cup(s) bamboo shoots, sliced (optional)
9 oz firm tofu, about 1 cup, diced
1 Tbsp cornstarch, mixed with 2 tbsp water
1 Tbsp soy sauce
2 green onions , sliced
Instructions
In a soup pot, stir together broth, vinegar, hot sauce, soy sauce, mushrooms, bamboo shoots and tofu. Bring to a simmer and cook for 5 minutes. Stir in cornstarch and simmer 2 minutes more. Serve, sprinkling each bowl with sliced scallions. Yields about 1 cup per serving. 1 pt. per serving.
Drive-Thru Friday*
I do not condone hitting the drive-thru 3 times in one day, but just in case you are having one of those days I have listed the most common foods to help you make reasonable choices. Or not. With WW you do have that extra 35 points a week option, which leaves a window open for mistakes/parties/PMS.
Breakfast= McDonald's= Fruit 'n Yogurt Parfait w/low-fat yogurt without granola= 3pts.
Egg McMuffin=6 pts.
Sausage McMuffin= 9 pts.
Bacon,Egg and cheese biscuit= 11 pts.
Starbucks= all brewed coffee, any size= 0 points
Grande Non-fat Mocha without whip= 5 pts. my fave until I found out the points
Grande Cappucino w/non-fat milk=2 pts.
Grande Latte w/non-fat milk=3 pts.
Lunch= Burger Kind= Orig. Whopper w/mayo=9 pts.
Orig. Whopper w/out mayo= 7 pts.
Orig. Whopper w/cheese but w/out mayo= 15 pts.
Med. fries=8 pts.
Tendergrill Chicken Sandwich w/honey mustard or bbq sauce= 9 pts.
Taco Bell= Fresco Burrito Supreme chicken or beef= 7 pts.
beef burrito supreme= 10 pts.
Chalupa Baja beef= 10 pts.
Cheese Quesadilla=12 pts.
Snack choice= Heaven is paved with McDonald's french fries. When I was pregnant with Michael I hit the drive-thru so often the guy began to recognize me so I changed McDonald's.
Small fries= 5 pts.
Medium fries= 8 pts.
Large fries = 12 pts.
Dinner= In-N-Out Burger= Hamburger with onion=9 pts.
Cheeseburger with onion= 11 pts.
Double-Double with onion= 16 pts.
Fries= 9 pts.
All flavors of shakes= 17 pts.
Scrounging Saturday
Breakfast=choices from week above.
Lunch= finish off all of those leftovers.
Snack choices= check the week above.
Dinner= Same as lunch.
Comfort Food Sunday
Breakfast=scrambled egg, 1 slice Canadian style bacon, 1 cup grapes= 4 pts.
Lunch= WW Mac and Cheese= 5 pts.
Snack choices= 8 celery stalks with 1/2 cup of salsa has 90 calories, 1 gram of fat and 7 grams of fiber for a POINTS value of 1., 15 baked lays= 2 pts.
Dinner=Meatloaf Muffins Servings…12 servings(From WW website)
1 lb. ground turkey or ground beef
1 package Stove Top Stuffing
1 medium onion, chopped
1/2 cup green bell pepper chopped fine
1 tsp. garlic powder
2 egg whites or ¼ c. egg beaters
1 c. hot water
1 pkg onion soup mix
1/4 cup of ketchup
Mix stove top and water in a large bowl, stir with fork until moistened. In another bowl, combine all remaining ingredients. Add stuffing to mixture. Fill sprayed muffin tins almost to the top with mixture. Bake at 350 for 30-35 minutes. 2.5 points per muffin.
Parmesan Mashed Potatoes
Ingredients
10 medium potato(es), red (about 2 1/2 lbs)
1/2 cup(s) buttermilk, warmed (if you don't have buttermilk just add a tsp. of lemon juice)
3 Tbsp Parmesan cheese, strong-flavored, grated
1/4 cup(s) chives, chopped
1 tsp table salt
1/8 tsp black pepper, freshly ground, or to taste
Instructions
Place potatoes in a large pot and cover with an inch of water; bring to a boil, reduce heat, simmer and cook until fork-tender, about 30 minutes. Drain and return potatoes to pot.
Mash potatoes with a potato masher. Stir in remaining ingredients and mix well to combine. Yields about 2/3 cup per serving. 2 pts. per serving 8 servings
I won't be ready for the gym by next week but I have to start being strict with my diet, or else I could pass for Santa by the time December rolls around. So below is a re-post of a week of Weight Watchers inspired meals. Wish me luck.
Monday, Monday
Breakfast=1 cup plain instant oatmeal with 3/4 cup blueberries=3 pts. Coffee with FF vanilla creamer=1pt.
Lunch= can of low-fat lentil soup and bag of pre-shredded carrots, simmer until carrots are tender, top with FF sour cream 2 Tbs.=5 pts. 1 small orange=0 pt.
Snack choices= All of these are zero points: 10 baby carrots, 1 side salad with FF Italian dressing, 1 small orange or peach. 1 points each: 1 slice canadian bacon, 5 cups over 90% FF popcorn, 1 slice FF cheese, 1 small whole wheat pita, 2 squares graham crackers, 1/2 cup cooked shrimp,1/2 cup cooked oatmeal,1/2 cup light yogurt,1 4inch pancake made from a mix, 1 medium apple, orange or pear.
Dinner= French Dip Roast Beef Sandwich 7 pts.
Recipe= 1 8oz. loaf French bread, cut in 1/2 horizontally, then vertically into 4 equal slices to make 8 pieces total
12 oz. cooked lean roast beef deli meat thinly sliced
2 cups low fat beef broth
Heat 2 cup Pyrex cup of beef broth in microwave, make 4 sandwiches with 1.5 oz beef each sandwich. Pour 1/4 cup of warm broth into 4 ramekins (little bowls) and dip your sandwich in broth and chow down. Horseradish is 0 points if you want to spread some on your sandwich.
Steam 1.5 cups of carrots and 1/2 cup broccoli florets=1 pt.
1 cup green grapes= 1 pt.
Taco Tuesday
Breakfast=2 toasted low-fat frozen waffles topped with 2 TBs low calorie syrup= 4pts.
Lunch= 2oz lean ham, 1 slice low-fat Swiss cheese on reduced calorie rye bread (2 slices) lettuce, tomato, and mustard=5 pts. 1 medium sliced apple=1pt.
Snack choices= 12 almonds= 2 pts., 1/2 cup FF frozen yogurt 2 pts.
Dinner=Turkey Taco Salad
Recipe: 1 lb. lean ground turkey
15 oz can of black beans
low sodium Taco seasoning packet
lettuce
1 heaping Tbs. FF sour cream, per person
1/4 cup shredded cheese (or less, per person)
small handful crushed tortilla chips, per person
red or green FF salsa to taste
Follow instructions on back of Taco seasoning packet. Before simmering add 1 can drained black beans. Pile as much lettuce as you want on your plate load up a 1/2 cup of turkey mixture onto plate,add salsa to taste, crush the chips, sprinkle the cheese and top with sour cream. 9.5 points per person
Corona Lite with lime= 2 points
Husband Home Late Wednesday
Breakfast= 3/4 cup Honey Nut Cheerios and 1/2 cup skim milk with small sliced banana= 4 pts.
Lunch=Leftover Turkey Taco Salad
Snack = 0 pts. veggie soup with one slice 2% milk swiss cheese melted on top=2pts
Dinner= Any frozen WW entree, or Eating Right, or Lean Cuisine (most of them have WW points listed right on the box) 7 pts. Very large glass of wine = 3 pts.
Thirsty Thursday
Breakfast= Pina Colada Smoothie (from WW website)
I broke my blender but this smoothie sounds worth buying another. Do not add rum until kids are in school.
16 oz canned pineapple, packed in juice, chunks, undrained
6 oz frozen orange juice concentrate
1/2 cup(s) light coconut milk
1 cup(s) ice cube(s)
Instructions
Combine ingredients in a blender and purée until smooth, adding more ice cubes if necessary to create a thick purée. Pour into 4 tall glasses and serve. Yields about 1 cup per serving. 3 pts. per serving.
Lunch=0 points veggie soup with melted 2% milk swiss cheese, large salad with 4 slices of 97% FF smoked deli ham chopped and 2 Tbs. light Ranch dressing=5 pts.
Snack=1 oz bag of Sun Chips Harvest Cheddar flavor= 3pts.
Dinner= Trader Joe's Mandarin Orange Chicken= 5 pts. per 1 cup serving
Hot and Sour Soup (off of WW website)
POINTS® Value: 1Servings: 6Preparation Time: 15 minCooking Time: 10 minLevel of Difficulty: Easy
Ingredients
4 cup(s) fat-free chicken broth
2 Tbsp rice vinegar
2 tsp Asian hot sauce, or chili paste, or to taste (or Tabasco and Asian fish sauce mixed together)
2 cup(s) shiitake mushroom(s), sliced (or pre-sliced white mushrooms)
1/3 cup(s) bamboo shoots, sliced (optional)
9 oz firm tofu, about 1 cup, diced
1 Tbsp cornstarch, mixed with 2 tbsp water
1 Tbsp soy sauce
2 green onions , sliced
Instructions
In a soup pot, stir together broth, vinegar, hot sauce, soy sauce, mushrooms, bamboo shoots and tofu. Bring to a simmer and cook for 5 minutes. Stir in cornstarch and simmer 2 minutes more. Serve, sprinkling each bowl with sliced scallions. Yields about 1 cup per serving. 1 pt. per serving.
Drive-Thru Friday*
I do not condone hitting the drive-thru 3 times in one day, but just in case you are having one of those days I have listed the most common foods to help you make reasonable choices. Or not. With WW you do have that extra 35 points a week option, which leaves a window open for mistakes/parties/PMS.
Breakfast= McDonald's= Fruit 'n Yogurt Parfait w/low-fat yogurt without granola= 3pts.
Egg McMuffin=6 pts.
Sausage McMuffin= 9 pts.
Bacon,Egg and cheese biscuit= 11 pts.
Starbucks= all brewed coffee, any size= 0 points
Grande Non-fat Mocha without whip= 5 pts. my fave until I found out the points
Grande Cappucino w/non-fat milk=2 pts.
Grande Latte w/non-fat milk=3 pts.
Lunch= Burger Kind= Orig. Whopper w/mayo=9 pts.
Orig. Whopper w/out mayo= 7 pts.
Orig. Whopper w/cheese but w/out mayo= 15 pts.
Med. fries=8 pts.
Tendergrill Chicken Sandwich w/honey mustard or bbq sauce= 9 pts.
Taco Bell= Fresco Burrito Supreme chicken or beef= 7 pts.
beef burrito supreme= 10 pts.
Chalupa Baja beef= 10 pts.
Cheese Quesadilla=12 pts.
Snack choice= Heaven is paved with McDonald's french fries. When I was pregnant with Michael I hit the drive-thru so often the guy began to recognize me so I changed McDonald's.
Small fries= 5 pts.
Medium fries= 8 pts.
Large fries = 12 pts.
Dinner= In-N-Out Burger= Hamburger with onion=9 pts.
Cheeseburger with onion= 11 pts.
Double-Double with onion= 16 pts.
Fries= 9 pts.
All flavors of shakes= 17 pts.
Scrounging Saturday
Breakfast=choices from week above.
Lunch= finish off all of those leftovers.
Snack choices= check the week above.
Dinner= Same as lunch.
Comfort Food Sunday
Breakfast=scrambled egg, 1 slice Canadian style bacon, 1 cup grapes= 4 pts.
Lunch= WW Mac and Cheese= 5 pts.
Snack choices= 8 celery stalks with 1/2 cup of salsa has 90 calories, 1 gram of fat and 7 grams of fiber for a POINTS value of 1., 15 baked lays= 2 pts.
Dinner=Meatloaf Muffins Servings…12 servings(From WW website)
1 lb. ground turkey or ground beef
1 package Stove Top Stuffing
1 medium onion, chopped
1/2 cup green bell pepper chopped fine
1 tsp. garlic powder
2 egg whites or ¼ c. egg beaters
1 c. hot water
1 pkg onion soup mix
1/4 cup of ketchup
Mix stove top and water in a large bowl, stir with fork until moistened. In another bowl, combine all remaining ingredients. Add stuffing to mixture. Fill sprayed muffin tins almost to the top with mixture. Bake at 350 for 30-35 minutes. 2.5 points per muffin.
Parmesan Mashed Potatoes
Ingredients
10 medium potato(es), red (about 2 1/2 lbs)
1/2 cup(s) buttermilk, warmed (if you don't have buttermilk just add a tsp. of lemon juice)
3 Tbsp Parmesan cheese, strong-flavored, grated
1/4 cup(s) chives, chopped
1 tsp table salt
1/8 tsp black pepper, freshly ground, or to taste
Instructions
Place potatoes in a large pot and cover with an inch of water; bring to a boil, reduce heat, simmer and cook until fork-tender, about 30 minutes. Drain and return potatoes to pot.
Mash potatoes with a potato masher. Stir in remaining ingredients and mix well to combine. Yields about 2/3 cup per serving. 2 pts. per serving 8 servings
Monday, April 18, 2011
Passover For Those Afraid to Ask
Before I got married I converted to Judaism. My friends and family were supportive of my decision but I could tell they felt awkward when it came to asking questions.
The questions I would get were:"So do you go to church every Friday night?"
"How long is Hanukkah, 12 days?"
"What is the holiday where you eat that gross fish in a jar?"
When I was going through my conversion process I found that reading Jewish children's websites was the most helpful way to get the basics of everything Judaism. When I had more complex questions, and wanted to delve into deeper issues, I would read the Jewish adult websites.
Tonight at sundown Jewish people across America will be sitting down to a Seder for the holiday of Passover. It's a long dinner but it's not boring. Think Catholic wedding except with food and more wine. Lots of ritual and joyous. This is the bible story that covers the burning bush, parting of the red sea and the freedom of slaves. Good stuff.
. . And yes, gross fish in a jar. It's called Gefilte Fish and this will offend some people, but I totally agree that it is gross! But there are other Passover delicacies that make up for the gross fish in a jar:
Flourless Chocolate Torte.
So now you know just enough about Passover to get you through the week if you are not Jewish. And here is another tidbit you can impress your friends with, Sammy Davis Jr. also converted to Judaism. I am not going to pretend I am as cool as Sammy Davis Jr. but it is nice to be in such groovy company. And speaking of groovy you have to watch this video below. It's appropriate for Passover because A) Sammy is Jewish and B) Aretha briefly sings her song "Think" which has those great lyrics about freedom.
The questions I would get were:"So do you go to church every Friday night?"
"How long is Hanukkah, 12 days?"
"What is the holiday where you eat that gross fish in a jar?"
When I was going through my conversion process I found that reading Jewish children's websites was the most helpful way to get the basics of everything Judaism. When I had more complex questions, and wanted to delve into deeper issues, I would read the Jewish adult websites.
Tonight at sundown Jewish people across America will be sitting down to a Seder for the holiday of Passover. It's a long dinner but it's not boring. Think Catholic wedding except with food and more wine. Lots of ritual and joyous. This is the bible story that covers the burning bush, parting of the red sea and the freedom of slaves. Good stuff.
. . And yes, gross fish in a jar. It's called Gefilte Fish and this will offend some people, but I totally agree that it is gross! But there are other Passover delicacies that make up for the gross fish in a jar: Matzo Ball Soup
and
Flourless Chocolate Torte.
So now you know just enough about Passover to get you through the week if you are not Jewish. And here is another tidbit you can impress your friends with, Sammy Davis Jr. also converted to Judaism. I am not going to pretend I am as cool as Sammy Davis Jr. but it is nice to be in such groovy company. And speaking of groovy you have to watch this video below. It's appropriate for Passover because A) Sammy is Jewish and B) Aretha briefly sings her song "Think" which has those great lyrics about freedom.
Monday, December 28, 2009
2009 Year in Review, for the Not Easily Offended
January 2009
*I hosted a kid-friendly New Year's brunch where we counted down to Noon instead of Midnight.
*My father-in-law turned 60 and a mess of in-laws came to town.
* I hosted over 50 people here for Super Bowl.
*The United States, in a moment of clarity, voted out the worst President we have ever had.
*The United States elected our first black man for President.
*I started this resolution of posting weekly less than 30 minutes Weight Watchers recipes. I lost interest in that though.
*Jake couldn't find his pacifier so he sucked on a dirty sock instead and feel asleep in his car seat.
Febuary 2009
*Jake becomes obsessed with wearing rain boots and biting. At one point he bit me on my ass and bit Erik's nuts. Ouch!!
*A blog post I wrote about Chandra Levy was published in an online newspaper.
*Everyone got the stomach bug and I ended up in the E.R. getting I.V. fluids. Jake also got a double ear infection and croup. Nobody was healthy for about 6 weeks, it sucked!!!!
*Since our Valentine's Day was spent cleaning up barf, Erik and I had a Valentine's Day date on President's Day weekend. Massages and dinner, very nice.
*I wrote a really nice post about my sister-in-law Auntie M. for her birthday. I love her.
*That crazy bitch Nadya Suleman gives birth to octuplets.
Ok these are just the first 2 months because I need to drag my fat butt to the gym. I will finish this up during the course of the next week. Erik is oncall New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, Jan. 2nd and Jan. 3rd, so I will have time to write.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Auntie M.'s Packing Fudge
Ok not really but I just love to good naturedly harass her. This fudge is amazing! Even though I love chocolate I don't particularly like fudge. But this fudge was amazing! And it had walnuts in it and I don't even like walnuts and I still ate it.
Next....FUDGE*
One bag of chocolate chips
3/4 bag of Butterscotch chips
One can of Sweetened Condensed Milk
One teaspoon of Vanilla
Walnuts or currants as desired...really whatever you want to add
Grease a casserole dish- sometimes I put it in a jello mold to make it into a wreath shape
Heat up the pot over low heat
Add chocolate chips, butterscotch, and sweetened milk
Mix together until melted and blended
Add vanilla and whatever else you want to such as walnuts
Pour right away into greased dish- will start to set immediately. Chill in fridge or in the freezer.
*Recipe written by Auntie M.
Next....FUDGE*
One bag of chocolate chips
3/4 bag of Butterscotch chips
One can of Sweetened Condensed Milk
One teaspoon of Vanilla
Walnuts or currants as desired...really whatever you want to add
Grease a casserole dish- sometimes I put it in a jello mold to make it into a wreath shape
Heat up the pot over low heat
Add chocolate chips, butterscotch, and sweetened milk
Mix together until melted and blended
Add vanilla and whatever else you want to such as walnuts
Pour right away into greased dish- will start to set immediately. Chill in fridge or in the freezer.
*Recipe written by Auntie M.
Auntie M.'s Chinese/Aisan Chicken Salad
Chinese (ish) Chicken Salad*
Top Ramen noodles- 1 package crunched up
Spanish Peanuts- approx. 1 cup
green onions chopped
Red Bell Pepper- choppped
Cole Slaw Salad- precut in the package
Italian dressing
Chicken- I buy the chicken that is already grilled and cut. You could grill it yourself and then cut it when cool. Probably tastes better, but sometimes I am not that motivated. Make sure you cut into bite sized pieces.
Add all of the dry ingredients and then mix with Italian dressing. Sounds weird, but is always a hit.
*All of the above has been written by Auntie M. and we are grateful.
**Let's see if Auntie M. notices the tags
Top Ramen noodles- 1 package crunched up
Spanish Peanuts- approx. 1 cup
green onions chopped
Red Bell Pepper- choppped
Cole Slaw Salad- precut in the package
Italian dressing
Chicken- I buy the chicken that is already grilled and cut. You could grill it yourself and then cut it when cool. Probably tastes better, but sometimes I am not that motivated. Make sure you cut into bite sized pieces.
Add all of the dry ingredients and then mix with Italian dressing. Sounds weird, but is always a hit.
*All of the above has been written by Auntie M. and we are grateful.
**Let's see if Auntie M. notices the tags
Grandma Estelle's Brisket
Grandma Estelle is my husband and Auntie M.'s grandmother. This is the recipe for her rockin' brisket. This is super easy, I promise:
1 packet onion soup mix (Safeway brand uses no MSG)
1 14 oz. can whole berry cranberry sauce
1 cup ketchup
1 can cola (coke or Pepsi and last night I used diet Dr. Pepper because that's all I had)
4-6 lb.beef brisket
A crock-pot with a 4,6,8 or 10 hour setting, the low or high settings just don't cut it.
**The night before cooking, shove brisket into pot, sprinkle onion soup mix all over the top. Open can of cranberry and dump on top. Measure out cup of ketchup and pour on top of brisket. Open can of soda and pour all over everything. Put just the ceramic pot insert into fridge overnight. In the morning pop ceramic pot insert back into crock pot element and set for 10 hours. Walk away. Go to work and flip the brisket when you get home from work. Or flip it every 4 hours or so. Whatever is convenient.
You can serve it right from the pot onto a plate or you can take out the brisket and let the gravy bubble some more in the crockpot and try to slice the brisket. But by this point the brisket is falling apart and doesn't really slice all pretty but still tastes awesome.
Last night I made a 4.5 lb. brisket for 10 adults 15 kids and there were leftovers.
**You can do this right before you cook it. The brisket does not need to marinade. But I am not a morning person and if you want this done by 5:30p it's going to have to start at 7:30a and I have other stuff to do at that hour.
Makes great sandwiches the next day that make you either want to take a big nap or hit the gym.
1 packet onion soup mix (Safeway brand uses no MSG)
1 14 oz. can whole berry cranberry sauce
1 cup ketchup
1 can cola (coke or Pepsi and last night I used diet Dr. Pepper because that's all I had)
4-6 lb.beef brisket
A crock-pot with a 4,6,8 or 10 hour setting, the low or high settings just don't cut it.
**The night before cooking, shove brisket into pot, sprinkle onion soup mix all over the top. Open can of cranberry and dump on top. Measure out cup of ketchup and pour on top of brisket. Open can of soda and pour all over everything. Put just the ceramic pot insert into fridge overnight. In the morning pop ceramic pot insert back into crock pot element and set for 10 hours. Walk away. Go to work and flip the brisket when you get home from work. Or flip it every 4 hours or so. Whatever is convenient.
You can serve it right from the pot onto a plate or you can take out the brisket and let the gravy bubble some more in the crockpot and try to slice the brisket. But by this point the brisket is falling apart and doesn't really slice all pretty but still tastes awesome.
Last night I made a 4.5 lb. brisket for 10 adults 15 kids and there were leftovers.
**You can do this right before you cook it. The brisket does not need to marinade. But I am not a morning person and if you want this done by 5:30p it's going to have to start at 7:30a and I have other stuff to do at that hour.
Makes great sandwiches the next day that make you either want to take a big nap or hit the gym.
Yvette's Chicken Pot Pie
As the year ends I will be on a recipe posting frenzy. I want to load all of those fattening, and oh so tasty recipes before I have to get back on the diet wagon. January I will be posting mostly Weight Watchers recipes because in Feburary I am going on a cruise!!. Below is from my friend Yvette G.
Chicken Pot Pie
Chicken Pot Pie Prep: 40 min; Bake: 35 min
Make putting this all-time favorite together a snap by purchasing a ready-to-use pie crust.
1 (10-ounce) package frozen peas and carrots
1/3 cup butter or stick margarine
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/3 cup chopped onions
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 3/4 cups chicken broth - I use homemade stock or leftover turkey stock from Thanksgiving.
2/3 cup milk
2 1/2 to 3 cups cut-up cooked chicken or turkey - Rotisserie from Costco or Safeway, or leftover turkey from Thanksgiving
Pastry for 9-inch Two-Crust Pie (see recipe) - Pillsbury Pie Crust from refrigerated aisle
1. Rinse frozen peas and carrots in cold water to separate; drain.
2. Melt butter in 2-quart saucepan over medium heat. Stir in flour, onion, salt and pepper. Cook, stirring constantly, until mixture is bubbly; remove from heat. Stir in broth and milk. Heat to boiling, stirring constantly. Boil and stir 1 minute. Stir in chicken and peas and carrots; remove from heat.
3. Heat oven to 425°. 4. Make pastry. Roll two-thirds of the pastry into 13-inch square. Ease into ungreased square pan, 9 ¥ 9 ¥ 2 inches. Pour chicken mixture into pastry-lined pan.
5. Roll remaining pastry into 11-inch square. Cut out designs with 1-inch cookie cutter.Or shape excess dough into a penis like I did recently for some dear friends.
Place square over chicken mixture. Arrange cutouts on pastry. Turn edges of pastry under and flute.
* I use a standard pie plate.
6. Bake about 35 minutes or until golden brown.
NUTRITION FACTS: 1 Serving (about 1 cup):; Calories 685 (Calories from Fat 425); Fat 47g (Saturated 16g); Cholesterol 80mg; Sodium 1,050mg; Carbohydrate 44g (Dietary Fiber 3g); Protein 24g % DAILY VALUE:; Vitamin A 48%; Vitamin C 4%; Calcium 6%; Iron 20% DIET EXCHANGES:; 2 Starch; 2 Medium-Fat Meat; 3 Vegetable; 6 Fat .
Chicken Pot Pie
Chicken Pot Pie Prep: 40 min; Bake: 35 min
Make putting this all-time favorite together a snap by purchasing a ready-to-use pie crust.
1 (10-ounce) package frozen peas and carrots
1/3 cup butter or stick margarine
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/3 cup chopped onions
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 3/4 cups chicken broth - I use homemade stock or leftover turkey stock from Thanksgiving.
2/3 cup milk
2 1/2 to 3 cups cut-up cooked chicken or turkey - Rotisserie from Costco or Safeway, or leftover turkey from Thanksgiving
Pastry for 9-inch Two-Crust Pie (see recipe) - Pillsbury Pie Crust from refrigerated aisle
1. Rinse frozen peas and carrots in cold water to separate; drain.
2. Melt butter in 2-quart saucepan over medium heat. Stir in flour, onion, salt and pepper. Cook, stirring constantly, until mixture is bubbly; remove from heat. Stir in broth and milk. Heat to boiling, stirring constantly. Boil and stir 1 minute. Stir in chicken and peas and carrots; remove from heat.
3. Heat oven to 425°. 4. Make pastry. Roll two-thirds of the pastry into 13-inch square. Ease into ungreased square pan, 9 ¥ 9 ¥ 2 inches. Pour chicken mixture into pastry-lined pan.
5. Roll remaining pastry into 11-inch square. Cut out designs with 1-inch cookie cutter.Or shape excess dough into a penis like I did recently for some dear friends.
Place square over chicken mixture. Arrange cutouts on pastry. Turn edges of pastry under and flute.
* I use a standard pie plate.
6. Bake about 35 minutes or until golden brown.
NUTRITION FACTS: 1 Serving (about 1 cup):; Calories 685 (Calories from Fat 425); Fat 47g (Saturated 16g); Cholesterol 80mg; Sodium 1,050mg; Carbohydrate 44g (Dietary Fiber 3g); Protein 24g % DAILY VALUE:; Vitamin A 48%; Vitamin C 4%; Calcium 6%; Iron 20% DIET EXCHANGES:; 2 Starch; 2 Medium-Fat Meat; 3 Vegetable; 6 Fat .
Sunday, December 20, 2009
The Blessed Holidays
Damn this whole parenting gig is getting in the way of my blogging. Not to mention my quality of sleep, social life and mental health. But they are cute kids, and I have decided to keep them.
I apologize to my handful of readers for falling off the face of the blogosphere but once your youngest child gives up naps your life becomes even busier. Now that my holiday season is over I will try to find some more time for writing.
In my house we celebrate Hanukkah and it's already over. So now I can sit back and watch my friends who celebrate Christmas run around like maniacs, just like I was doing last week. And since my husband will be on-call New Year's Eve, New Year's Day AND January 2nd and 3rd, this is really the end of my holidays. But I am not going to start dieting until January, I have too many leftovers and treats to finish off.
I was going to hit the gym today, especially since my breakfast consisted of a turkey, cranberry and gravy sandwich with a side order of fudge. But after his soccer game my strong-willed 5 year old refused to go to the gym. Now usually I would have forcibly changed him out of his soccer uniform, strapped him into the van and told him that if his behavior gets me called out of my work-out then he will get no t.v. for 24 hours. But we had 32 people here last night and all three of my kids were up until 9:30pm. I know he is legitimately tired and that I shouldn't push my luck. So I sacrificed my work-out to stay home with him, and my husband took the other monkeys to the gym. I have more time during the week to work-out than my husband does so it's only fair.
In the last month since I have last blogged this is what has been going on:
*Auntie M had that jewelry party at her house and it was fun and I bought some pretty jewelry including a custom made necklace for my Mom, which I ordered behind her back as a gift.
*We hosted my mother-in-law's birthday here at my house and a Thanksgiving, and also had Thanksgiving at my Dad's in Sacramento. And Mike stepped in dog poop at my Dad's house. Without fail, when we go to a party, either my sons or my husband will step in dog poop. I just don't get it. I have stepped in dog poop maybe 3 times in my whole life, and so far my daughter has never stepped in dog poop!!
*We celebrated my daughter's birthday, our office manager's birthday, my birthday and my sister-in-law Amanda's birthday. The cutest girl in the world turned 4 years old and partied at Chuck E. Cheese. I got a mani/pedi and went to a Raiders game with my husband.
*My N.E.O. Mom's Club went out for a 1 year anniversary fondue dinner. And we roped a pregnant club member into being our designated driver.
* Went to the hospital Christmas party with my husband. Mostly a snooze fest but not as boring as past parties.
*And last week was totally insane. Hanukkah party, got new blinds installed, carpets cleaned, finished off gift shopping, our business practice's lunch, brought donuts and read a Hanukkah story to my 5 year old and my 3 year old's classroom, got up early Friday morning and made latkes for preschool party, and then Saturday (yesterday) I hosted 32 people at my house for a Hanukkah/Xmas party.
*And today my house is a disaster zone. I got the kitchen put back together and 3 loads of laundry done but the rest of the house is a mess, and we are over capacity for both the recycling and the garbage can. I gotta sneak some trash into our neighbor's cans.
A little gossip about last night. A step-nephew I haven't seen in awhile showed up with tattoos on his face and a pregnant girlfriend. Sigh. I only hope the best for them, of course, and the baby is going to be gorgeous, no doubt about that. It's just hard to wrap my brain around the fact that my step-brother is going to be a grandfather when he also has a 7 year old daughter and he is only a few years older than I am!
My kids actually have school Monday and Tuesday of this week even though the public schools don't. I am totally cool with that! Wednesday I am hosting a small cookie decorating party here at my house. Thursday will probably be movies and Chinese food, a Jewish Christmas tradition but Christmas day we have been invited to hang out with my brother-in-law's giant family.
Happy Holidays everyone!!!!!
I apologize to my handful of readers for falling off the face of the blogosphere but once your youngest child gives up naps your life becomes even busier. Now that my holiday season is over I will try to find some more time for writing.
In my house we celebrate Hanukkah and it's already over. So now I can sit back and watch my friends who celebrate Christmas run around like maniacs, just like I was doing last week. And since my husband will be on-call New Year's Eve, New Year's Day AND January 2nd and 3rd, this is really the end of my holidays. But I am not going to start dieting until January, I have too many leftovers and treats to finish off.
I was going to hit the gym today, especially since my breakfast consisted of a turkey, cranberry and gravy sandwich with a side order of fudge. But after his soccer game my strong-willed 5 year old refused to go to the gym. Now usually I would have forcibly changed him out of his soccer uniform, strapped him into the van and told him that if his behavior gets me called out of my work-out then he will get no t.v. for 24 hours. But we had 32 people here last night and all three of my kids were up until 9:30pm. I know he is legitimately tired and that I shouldn't push my luck. So I sacrificed my work-out to stay home with him, and my husband took the other monkeys to the gym. I have more time during the week to work-out than my husband does so it's only fair.
In the last month since I have last blogged this is what has been going on:
*Auntie M had that jewelry party at her house and it was fun and I bought some pretty jewelry including a custom made necklace for my Mom, which I ordered behind her back as a gift.
*We hosted my mother-in-law's birthday here at my house and a Thanksgiving, and also had Thanksgiving at my Dad's in Sacramento. And Mike stepped in dog poop at my Dad's house. Without fail, when we go to a party, either my sons or my husband will step in dog poop. I just don't get it. I have stepped in dog poop maybe 3 times in my whole life, and so far my daughter has never stepped in dog poop!!
*We celebrated my daughter's birthday, our office manager's birthday, my birthday and my sister-in-law Amanda's birthday. The cutest girl in the world turned 4 years old and partied at Chuck E. Cheese. I got a mani/pedi and went to a Raiders game with my husband.
*My N.E.O. Mom's Club went out for a 1 year anniversary fondue dinner. And we roped a pregnant club member into being our designated driver.
* Went to the hospital Christmas party with my husband. Mostly a snooze fest but not as boring as past parties.
*And last week was totally insane. Hanukkah party, got new blinds installed, carpets cleaned, finished off gift shopping, our business practice's lunch, brought donuts and read a Hanukkah story to my 5 year old and my 3 year old's classroom, got up early Friday morning and made latkes for preschool party, and then Saturday (yesterday) I hosted 32 people at my house for a Hanukkah/Xmas party.
*And today my house is a disaster zone. I got the kitchen put back together and 3 loads of laundry done but the rest of the house is a mess, and we are over capacity for both the recycling and the garbage can. I gotta sneak some trash into our neighbor's cans.
A little gossip about last night. A step-nephew I haven't seen in awhile showed up with tattoos on his face and a pregnant girlfriend. Sigh. I only hope the best for them, of course, and the baby is going to be gorgeous, no doubt about that. It's just hard to wrap my brain around the fact that my step-brother is going to be a grandfather when he also has a 7 year old daughter and he is only a few years older than I am!
My kids actually have school Monday and Tuesday of this week even though the public schools don't. I am totally cool with that! Wednesday I am hosting a small cookie decorating party here at my house. Thursday will probably be movies and Chinese food, a Jewish Christmas tradition but Christmas day we have been invited to hang out with my brother-in-law's giant family.
Happy Holidays everyone!!!!!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Blog
So it's final, I need to stop talking about my colon. I had a normal bowel movement and I told my husband and he said, "OMG, are you going to blog about it? Take a picture and put it on Facebook? Are you going to tweet about it? Oh wait don't forget to upload that picture to twitpic.com!". I stood there with my jaw hanging and realized it's time to move on.
And my husband is a mother fucking smart ass.
But first, final shout outs to cool chicas taking care of me and my family.
Valerie= Super yummy casserole and those cookies were orgasmic! Seriously like fist-fight over the last one! And she is so sweet she brought me a mini-pumpkin and Halloween stickers, for me! Do you have one of those friends that are just pretty? I mean I can find beauty in anything but she is just so pretty. She's little with big hair and big eyes, and funny and smart.
Yvette G.= Off the hook chicken pot pie! I will get this recipe to you because you will lick the tin pie pan. And I have to say that the first week I was out of the hospital I could not handle extra monkeys around here, I was not too emotionally stable. But my dear friends who have showed up in the last week, I welcomed bringing their brood into my house. My kids are now more social after recovering from my absence so they welcome their monkey friends with open arms.
Debbie L. = Brought over like 5 days worth of food! And she works full-time! I love this chick because she is just who she is and that's it. I don't think I have ever met someone more secure in their own skin. And you know what's trippy? Her and her husband didn't want kids. And then one day her husband changed his mind and she was cool with it and they had the most perfect son. And I met her when she joined my old Mom's Club that I accidentally blew up.
Jen G.= I have known this chick forever. Our kids have been in the same playgroup since they were 6 months old. Her daughter, and the other baby girls, were all sitting up while the boys were rolling around drooling. Also she is an amazing cook!!! And I was so glad she brought her monkeys into play, even though she witnessed Michael beating the crap out of Bekah in a random moment of violence.
Chicken Pot Pie
Prep: 40 min;
Bake: 35 min
Make putting this all-time favorite together a snap by purchasing a ready-to-use pie crust.
1 (10-ounce) package frozen peas and carrots
1/3 cup butter or stick margarine
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/3 cup chopped onions
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 3/4 cups chicken broth - I use homemade stock
2/3 cup milk
2 1/2 to 3 cups cut-up cooked chicken or turkey - Rotisserie from Costco or Safeway
Pastry for 9-inch Two-Crust Pie (see recipe) - Pillsbury Pie Crust from refrigerated aisle
1. Rinse frozen peas and carrots in cold water to separate; drain.
2. Melt butter in 2-quart saucepan over medium heat. Stir in flour, onion, salt and pepper. Cook, stirring constantly, until mixture is bubbly; remove from heat. Stir in broth and milk. Heat to boiling, stirring constantly. Boil and stir 1 minute. Stir in chicken and peas and carrots; remove from heat.
3. Heat oven to 425°.
4. Make pastry. Roll two-thirds of the pastry into 13-inch square. Ease into ungreased square pan, 9 ¥ 9 ¥ 2 inches. Pour chicken mixture into pastry-lined pan.
5. Roll remaining pastry into 11-inch square. Cut out designs with 1-inch cookie cutter. Place square over chicken mixture. Arrange cutouts on pastry.(Yvette made a heart on mine!) Turn edges of pastry under and flute.
* I use a standard pie plate.
6. Bake about 35 minutes or until golden brown.
NUTRITION FACTS: 1 Serving (about 1 cup):; Calories 685 (Calories from Fat 425); Fat 47g (Saturated 16g); Cholesterol 80mg; Sodium 1,050mg; Carbohydrate 44g (Dietary Fiber 3g); Protein 24g % DAILY VALUE:; Vitamin A 48%; Vitamin C 4%; Calcium 6%; Iron 20% DIET EXCHANGES:; 2 Starch; 2 Medium-Fat Meat; 3 Vegetable; 6 Fat My best friends and I have been making this recipe since college. I think it originally came out of a Betty Crocker cookbook.
I still can't hit the gym until my blood pressure is under control which won't happen until I am the Prednisone (evil steroid). So I decided to take advantage of my IV/liquid diet weight loss by scheduling professional family photos. Which means I have spent the last 5 days obsessively looking for the perfect outfits for my family to wear. And pick a location where there is no running water because there is no way in Hell Jake will pose for pictures with any water, anywhere. Even Michael would be too distracted. We are using Melinda Bunker. A N.E.O. Mom of course and a phenomenal photographer.
If you are a reader of this blog who lives closer to the San Jose area I have another N.E.O. Mom photographer to reccommend to you. In high school I knew her as Patti and she once called me, "A walking social disease", but I forgive her because that's a pretty funny line and I was a mess. Now she is professionally known as Patricia Martin Photography. The pictures of the newborns on her website make Anne Geddes look like she works at Sears Portraits.
Ok wow I serioulsy need to get off this couch and get my ass in gear. That laundry isn't going to fold itself. But before I lurch out of here I did pin Saint Sarah down to babysit the kids so Erik and I can celebrate our 6 year anniversary appropriately. I nailed her down for a whole Saturday. So maybe a couples massage and a dinner and a movie. Or maybe a hotel room and some hookers and crack like the good ol' days before we had kids. Any ideas?
And my husband is a mother fucking smart ass.
But first, final shout outs to cool chicas taking care of me and my family.
Valerie= Super yummy casserole and those cookies were orgasmic! Seriously like fist-fight over the last one! And she is so sweet she brought me a mini-pumpkin and Halloween stickers, for me! Do you have one of those friends that are just pretty? I mean I can find beauty in anything but she is just so pretty. She's little with big hair and big eyes, and funny and smart.
Yvette G.= Off the hook chicken pot pie! I will get this recipe to you because you will lick the tin pie pan. And I have to say that the first week I was out of the hospital I could not handle extra monkeys around here, I was not too emotionally stable. But my dear friends who have showed up in the last week, I welcomed bringing their brood into my house. My kids are now more social after recovering from my absence so they welcome their monkey friends with open arms.
Debbie L. = Brought over like 5 days worth of food! And she works full-time! I love this chick because she is just who she is and that's it. I don't think I have ever met someone more secure in their own skin. And you know what's trippy? Her and her husband didn't want kids. And then one day her husband changed his mind and she was cool with it and they had the most perfect son. And I met her when she joined my old Mom's Club that I accidentally blew up.
Jen G.= I have known this chick forever. Our kids have been in the same playgroup since they were 6 months old. Her daughter, and the other baby girls, were all sitting up while the boys were rolling around drooling. Also she is an amazing cook!!! And I was so glad she brought her monkeys into play, even though she witnessed Michael beating the crap out of Bekah in a random moment of violence.
Chicken Pot Pie
Prep: 40 min;
Bake: 35 min
Make putting this all-time favorite together a snap by purchasing a ready-to-use pie crust.
1 (10-ounce) package frozen peas and carrots
1/3 cup butter or stick margarine
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/3 cup chopped onions
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 3/4 cups chicken broth - I use homemade stock
2/3 cup milk
2 1/2 to 3 cups cut-up cooked chicken or turkey - Rotisserie from Costco or Safeway
Pastry for 9-inch Two-Crust Pie (see recipe) - Pillsbury Pie Crust from refrigerated aisle
1. Rinse frozen peas and carrots in cold water to separate; drain.
2. Melt butter in 2-quart saucepan over medium heat. Stir in flour, onion, salt and pepper. Cook, stirring constantly, until mixture is bubbly; remove from heat. Stir in broth and milk. Heat to boiling, stirring constantly. Boil and stir 1 minute. Stir in chicken and peas and carrots; remove from heat.
3. Heat oven to 425°.
4. Make pastry. Roll two-thirds of the pastry into 13-inch square. Ease into ungreased square pan, 9 ¥ 9 ¥ 2 inches. Pour chicken mixture into pastry-lined pan.
5. Roll remaining pastry into 11-inch square. Cut out designs with 1-inch cookie cutter. Place square over chicken mixture. Arrange cutouts on pastry.(Yvette made a heart on mine!) Turn edges of pastry under and flute.
* I use a standard pie plate.
6. Bake about 35 minutes or until golden brown.
NUTRITION FACTS: 1 Serving (about 1 cup):; Calories 685 (Calories from Fat 425); Fat 47g (Saturated 16g); Cholesterol 80mg; Sodium 1,050mg; Carbohydrate 44g (Dietary Fiber 3g); Protein 24g % DAILY VALUE:; Vitamin A 48%; Vitamin C 4%; Calcium 6%; Iron 20% DIET EXCHANGES:; 2 Starch; 2 Medium-Fat Meat; 3 Vegetable; 6 Fat My best friends and I have been making this recipe since college. I think it originally came out of a Betty Crocker cookbook.
I still can't hit the gym until my blood pressure is under control which won't happen until I am the Prednisone (evil steroid). So I decided to take advantage of my IV/liquid diet weight loss by scheduling professional family photos. Which means I have spent the last 5 days obsessively looking for the perfect outfits for my family to wear. And pick a location where there is no running water because there is no way in Hell Jake will pose for pictures with any water, anywhere. Even Michael would be too distracted. We are using Melinda Bunker. A N.E.O. Mom of course and a phenomenal photographer.
If you are a reader of this blog who lives closer to the San Jose area I have another N.E.O. Mom photographer to reccommend to you. In high school I knew her as Patti and she once called me, "A walking social disease", but I forgive her because that's a pretty funny line and I was a mess. Now she is professionally known as Patricia Martin Photography. The pictures of the newborns on her website make Anne Geddes look like she works at Sears Portraits.
Ok wow I serioulsy need to get off this couch and get my ass in gear. That laundry isn't going to fold itself. But before I lurch out of here I did pin Saint Sarah down to babysit the kids so Erik and I can celebrate our 6 year anniversary appropriately. I nailed her down for a whole Saturday. So maybe a couples massage and a dinner and a movie. Or maybe a hotel room and some hookers and crack like the good ol' days before we had kids. Any ideas?
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Reiki Healing at Bodylines Day Spa
Last week I took advantage of the time I have Sarah to heal. Tuesday I took a nap and did some writing and Thursday I booked a Reiki Healing and massage. Reiki has worked for me in the past to bring me into deep relaxation and to feel spiritually clean. Even if it's a total bullshit placebo effect it doesn't hurt right?
I find out about Reiki from a woman I used to work with at a group home. She was born on a Cherokee Indian Reservation and her mom was Wiccan. She was a fascinating person to say the least. She used Reiki on me once for a migraine and I was sold! I thought she was touching my scalp but I kid you not her hand was 6 inches above my head. I could waves of "energy" coming off her hands and colors exploded behind my eyelids. It felt great! Other times I have enjoyed Reiki I was awake but snoring, weird huh? I was so relaxed I was stuck somewhere between sleep and wakefullness.
So last Thursday I thought I would give it another try and how about this for cosmic coincidence? The practioner is a colon cancer survivor. I didn't know that when I made the appointment, it's not something I would generally ask over the phone. So here I was just getting out of the hospital from an Ulcerative Colitis flare-up and I get a therapist who is a colon cancer survivor. I am not healed, there was no miracle, but I felt I was in safe and understanding hands.
Friday morning I ate the most solid food in a long time. I had some squishy turkey meatloaf and mashed potatoes and it gave me the energy I needed to take the monkeys to a pumpkin patch. My niece Kaitlyn came along as well.
I love hay bail mazes that are only waist high so you can actually see your kids!!! And check out the box below. Instead of sand it's all corn! It was so cool! The kids loved it, they spent at least 30 minutes playing in there.
That's Kaitlyn playing beast of burden to Bekah and one of her favorite classmates. I have to warn you right now that this is my favorite time of year to take pictures of my kids. They have their daddy's olive skin so they look beautiful in fall colors and I love to take them to pumpkin patches and parks to take pictures because the weather is perfect this time of year in the bay area.
I have to give out some more public thank yous. My friend Valerie brought us a yummy dinner last night and she is so sweet she included a mini pumpkin and stickers for me since I really can't eat too many different foods right now. But Bekah got ahold of that pumpkin before I did and decorated it for me. And Mike and Bekah came out of the woodwork to say Hi this time so they are getting over my trip to the hospital.
I find out about Reiki from a woman I used to work with at a group home. She was born on a Cherokee Indian Reservation and her mom was Wiccan. She was a fascinating person to say the least. She used Reiki on me once for a migraine and I was sold! I thought she was touching my scalp but I kid you not her hand was 6 inches above my head. I could waves of "energy" coming off her hands and colors exploded behind my eyelids. It felt great! Other times I have enjoyed Reiki I was awake but snoring, weird huh? I was so relaxed I was stuck somewhere between sleep and wakefullness.
So last Thursday I thought I would give it another try and how about this for cosmic coincidence? The practioner is a colon cancer survivor. I didn't know that when I made the appointment, it's not something I would generally ask over the phone. So here I was just getting out of the hospital from an Ulcerative Colitis flare-up and I get a therapist who is a colon cancer survivor. I am not healed, there was no miracle, but I felt I was in safe and understanding hands.
Friday morning I ate the most solid food in a long time. I had some squishy turkey meatloaf and mashed potatoes and it gave me the energy I needed to take the monkeys to a pumpkin patch. My niece Kaitlyn came along as well.
I love hay bail mazes that are only waist high so you can actually see your kids!!! And check out the box below. Instead of sand it's all corn! It was so cool! The kids loved it, they spent at least 30 minutes playing in there.
That's Kaitlyn playing beast of burden to Bekah and one of her favorite classmates. I have to warn you right now that this is my favorite time of year to take pictures of my kids. They have their daddy's olive skin so they look beautiful in fall colors and I love to take them to pumpkin patches and parks to take pictures because the weather is perfect this time of year in the bay area.
I have to give out some more public thank yous. My friend Valerie brought us a yummy dinner last night and she is so sweet she included a mini pumpkin and stickers for me since I really can't eat too many different foods right now. But Bekah got ahold of that pumpkin before I did and decorated it for me. And Mike and Bekah came out of the woodwork to say Hi this time so they are getting over my trip to the hospital.
Another dear mom friend sent me a get well card in the mail with gift certificates to Forbes Mill's steakhouse for when I can eat LARGE portions of beef again! Yummy! Thanks so much Anne-Marie, very cool of you!
And the winner is.............my husband. He took all 3 kids out of the house all day so I can try to sleep. This Prednisone shit that I am on wakes me up in the middle of the night and I feel like I am on meth. I have been snapping at everyone all morning and instead of getting mad at me for it, he is being understanding instead. That takes a real man.
So I am going to try to get a nap if I can.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
New Traditions & Thank You Cards
Before my 3 day hospitalization last week ,whenver anyone came to my door, friend or foe, it was like owning 3 Chihuahuas instead of 3 kids. Everyone came scrambling and chattering towards the front door. Total chaos. If you were a friend you were invited in, and if you were a foe I gave you major attitude, while I tried to keep my offspring from pissing on your leg.
Now a week after being released from the hospital, when somebody rings our bell, Mike and Bekah hide because they think mommy is going to leave again, and somebody else is going to take over. That is my theory. Jake doesn't hide, he has now realized there is food involved. this is how it goes:
Doorbell rings or there is a knock on door; Mike and Bekah dissappear and get silent.
Jake grunts and hustles to front door and looks up at me expectedly as I limp and sweat towards the front door.
Mom Friend: (These aren't exact quotes)
"Oh my G-d you look great" ( because we are all sick bitches who want to lost 10 pounds by I.V./liquid diet, don't lie!! )
"My kids are in the car and they are being horrible, so I have to run."
"This food is just awful and it's the best I can do".
or
"I really didn't cook this, because if I did cook for you then you would end up in the hospital again.".
So basically this is how we were raised right? As women we are to diminish our helpfulness? Like anything short of coming in and raising my kids and sucking off my husband is completely sub-par? Trust me it's not, I am grateful, for everything.
My response at the front door:
"Oh thank you hopefully I can keep up the weight loss momentum with a work-out in the gym when I have more energy.". (Pathetic, but true)
"Oh well I don't want your kids to overheat in the driveway and I am sorry my kids aren't saying Hi, I actually have no idea where they are."
"I totally appreciate any dinners that anyone brings because I know that everyone is super busy with their own lives. I am touched beyond belief by the overwhelming service to my family, and humanity as a whole ,and right now I would give my left tit for a cheeseburger." Ok that's definitely not an exact quote but my left tit is the best thing hanging on this body, so that's damn serious.
After we exchange those American born and raised female pleasantries I gather up the food and head for the kitchen. My plan is to keep food warm until dinner time and fix a plate for when Erik gets home. Jake climbs into his high-chair and looks at me with great expectation. Pupils wide, eyebrows raised, drool. Jake is now averaging 4 meals a day plus at least 3 snacks. This is the best thing that has ever happened to him, he loves food. His dinner was a bowl of turkey chili,with cheese, 3 corn muffins with butter, and a 1/2 can of pears in juice. He only weighs 36 pounds and that was just dinner!
Bekah and Mike crawled out of the woodwork looking for brownies and were thrilled to find corn muffins. A dozen corn muffins are now gone in less than 5 hours.
My diet sucks!! I am eating poached eggs in miso broth, pureed veggie soups, dairy free instant mashed potatoes and anything with a fiber content of less than 1 gram. I have actually ordered poached eggs in miso in a restaurant but it contained udon noodles and tempura shrimp, totally different entree. And the steroids make me nauseous and appetite free anyways. I need to find a physician who does medical marijuana.............because it's so hard to find weed in Northern California..........
Moving right along.
So here is another raised in the United States woman thing that you are supposed to do; thank you cards. It's right, it's polite, it's expected, it's just not going to fucking happen. And here is why; my attention span is ridiculous. If I were to actually send a thank you card on stationary, with a stamp, through the mail, it would take effort that would kill me. This is what happens when I go to send a thank you card for anything: I get a babysitter, I am excited to see another adult so I waste at least 15 minutes boring her to death with details of my life, I grab a huge coffee and go upstairs to my "home office", remove cat and other random shit, open blinds, stare at nothing for 15 minutes, pee, turn on computer, get completely sidetracked by email, Facebook, blog and twitter, gather up all addresses from hardcopy, email, and post-it notes,find $.32 stamps and realize that's not going to get me far, pee, get totally distracted by email, Facebook, blog and twitter, get hungry, eat lunch, find thank you card stationary, address 2 thank you cards, get so tired I can't keep eyes open, remove cat from bed, pass out. Get up, go to bank, pay sitter, feel like an asshole and yell at kids.
So I am going to thank you all here and now, because that's the best I can do at this point in my life.
Merrill= Bringing me mags in hospital and major kid wrangling.
Janice= Kid wrangling, food, visits, cute holiday decorations, laundry, phone calls, flowers, taking care of your son, etc.
My mom= kid wrangling, food, visits, spending the night, taking abuse.
Rebecca= Orchid which I have not killed, card, taking Mike for playdate, anything else you have ever done.
Julie B.= Much appreciated food and my mom was ready to go home with you. I swear you are the nicest person.
Barb= Even though you are completely sick with the first trimester love you came over and took care of my boys. You even did laundry and fed them. I will tell you right now that they so heavily medicated my ass that I barely remember you being here, so it was imperative that another adult was here and I am so glad it was you.
Julie C.= Ladybug card and banana bread showed up at the exact same time poison meds hit my blood stream. That was good because the extra emotiaonality made me re-set my priorities. I totally honor your breast cancer walk thing even though I am preoccupied with another body part right now.
Courtney M.= You seriously crack me up. Talking to you on my doorstep yesterday gave me a great chuckle. You are one of the few people that can understand that even though I am upset my 5 year old dropped the "F" bomb at school, I was grateful that he used it in a sentence. I love your sense of humor, and since your food is all gone it was obviously EDIBLE!!
Pam P. = So you brought turkey chili tonight and corn muffins that are already gone! This is the ridiculous part of me having ulcerative colitis, I like veggies, I like beans, I like legumes!! A healthy colon lives off low-fat/high fiber foods right? Basically my colon should have a fucking cape and fly around the world. Give me your Dal, your split pea, your cruciferous vegetables, your whole grains, a giant pot of 5 bean soup, and a pint of Guinness! No!!!!!!!!!!!! I can live like that until a flare-up and then it's all Wonder bread and whatever................
I took one whiff of your chili tonight and immediately split it in half and put it in the freezer. I can't wait until I am healthy because I will thaw that and put cheese, onions and fat free sour cream and eat it with a high fiber bread.
Love and gratitude
Now a week after being released from the hospital, when somebody rings our bell, Mike and Bekah hide because they think mommy is going to leave again, and somebody else is going to take over. That is my theory. Jake doesn't hide, he has now realized there is food involved. this is how it goes:
Doorbell rings or there is a knock on door; Mike and Bekah dissappear and get silent.
Jake grunts and hustles to front door and looks up at me expectedly as I limp and sweat towards the front door.
Mom Friend: (These aren't exact quotes)
"Oh my G-d you look great" ( because we are all sick bitches who want to lost 10 pounds by I.V./liquid diet, don't lie!! )
"My kids are in the car and they are being horrible, so I have to run."
"This food is just awful and it's the best I can do".
or
"I really didn't cook this, because if I did cook for you then you would end up in the hospital again.".
So basically this is how we were raised right? As women we are to diminish our helpfulness? Like anything short of coming in and raising my kids and sucking off my husband is completely sub-par? Trust me it's not, I am grateful, for everything.
My response at the front door:
"Oh thank you hopefully I can keep up the weight loss momentum with a work-out in the gym when I have more energy.". (Pathetic, but true)
"Oh well I don't want your kids to overheat in the driveway and I am sorry my kids aren't saying Hi, I actually have no idea where they are."
"I totally appreciate any dinners that anyone brings because I know that everyone is super busy with their own lives. I am touched beyond belief by the overwhelming service to my family, and humanity as a whole ,and right now I would give my left tit for a cheeseburger." Ok that's definitely not an exact quote but my left tit is the best thing hanging on this body, so that's damn serious.
After we exchange those American born and raised female pleasantries I gather up the food and head for the kitchen. My plan is to keep food warm until dinner time and fix a plate for when Erik gets home. Jake climbs into his high-chair and looks at me with great expectation. Pupils wide, eyebrows raised, drool. Jake is now averaging 4 meals a day plus at least 3 snacks. This is the best thing that has ever happened to him, he loves food. His dinner was a bowl of turkey chili,with cheese, 3 corn muffins with butter, and a 1/2 can of pears in juice. He only weighs 36 pounds and that was just dinner!
Bekah and Mike crawled out of the woodwork looking for brownies and were thrilled to find corn muffins. A dozen corn muffins are now gone in less than 5 hours.
My diet sucks!! I am eating poached eggs in miso broth, pureed veggie soups, dairy free instant mashed potatoes and anything with a fiber content of less than 1 gram. I have actually ordered poached eggs in miso in a restaurant but it contained udon noodles and tempura shrimp, totally different entree. And the steroids make me nauseous and appetite free anyways. I need to find a physician who does medical marijuana.............because it's so hard to find weed in Northern California..........
Moving right along.
So here is another raised in the United States woman thing that you are supposed to do; thank you cards. It's right, it's polite, it's expected, it's just not going to fucking happen. And here is why; my attention span is ridiculous. If I were to actually send a thank you card on stationary, with a stamp, through the mail, it would take effort that would kill me. This is what happens when I go to send a thank you card for anything: I get a babysitter, I am excited to see another adult so I waste at least 15 minutes boring her to death with details of my life, I grab a huge coffee and go upstairs to my "home office", remove cat and other random shit, open blinds, stare at nothing for 15 minutes, pee, turn on computer, get completely sidetracked by email, Facebook, blog and twitter, gather up all addresses from hardcopy, email, and post-it notes,find $.32 stamps and realize that's not going to get me far, pee, get totally distracted by email, Facebook, blog and twitter, get hungry, eat lunch, find thank you card stationary, address 2 thank you cards, get so tired I can't keep eyes open, remove cat from bed, pass out. Get up, go to bank, pay sitter, feel like an asshole and yell at kids.
So I am going to thank you all here and now, because that's the best I can do at this point in my life.
Merrill= Bringing me mags in hospital and major kid wrangling.
Janice= Kid wrangling, food, visits, cute holiday decorations, laundry, phone calls, flowers, taking care of your son, etc.
My mom= kid wrangling, food, visits, spending the night, taking abuse.
Rebecca= Orchid which I have not killed, card, taking Mike for playdate, anything else you have ever done.
Julie B.= Much appreciated food and my mom was ready to go home with you. I swear you are the nicest person.
Barb= Even though you are completely sick with the first trimester love you came over and took care of my boys. You even did laundry and fed them. I will tell you right now that they so heavily medicated my ass that I barely remember you being here, so it was imperative that another adult was here and I am so glad it was you.
Julie C.= Ladybug card and banana bread showed up at the exact same time poison meds hit my blood stream. That was good because the extra emotiaonality made me re-set my priorities. I totally honor your breast cancer walk thing even though I am preoccupied with another body part right now.
Courtney M.= You seriously crack me up. Talking to you on my doorstep yesterday gave me a great chuckle. You are one of the few people that can understand that even though I am upset my 5 year old dropped the "F" bomb at school, I was grateful that he used it in a sentence. I love your sense of humor, and since your food is all gone it was obviously EDIBLE!!
Pam P. = So you brought turkey chili tonight and corn muffins that are already gone! This is the ridiculous part of me having ulcerative colitis, I like veggies, I like beans, I like legumes!! A healthy colon lives off low-fat/high fiber foods right? Basically my colon should have a fucking cape and fly around the world. Give me your Dal, your split pea, your cruciferous vegetables, your whole grains, a giant pot of 5 bean soup, and a pint of Guinness! No!!!!!!!!!!!! I can live like that until a flare-up and then it's all Wonder bread and whatever................
I took one whiff of your chili tonight and immediately split it in half and put it in the freezer. I can't wait until I am healthy because I will thaw that and put cheese, onions and fat free sour cream and eat it with a high fiber bread.
Love and gratitude
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Ladybugs and Plagirism
Yesterday I was sitting around in my pajamas feeling sorry for myself when my phone rang. It was a dear friend telling me she didn't want to disturb me but that she did leave a treat on my doorstep. And then I started crying, again. Damn I hate crying. My usual moods run the gamut from happy, feisty, grumpy, sleepy, buzzed and hungry, but not weepy. I don't do weepy!
It's this fucking steroid Prednisone I am on for the next month. Like clockwork 30 minutes after I take it I start crying. For no reason! It's also making me short of breath, nauseous,sweaty and makes my legs and feet sore. So I am just limping around at home all sweaty and crying. My poor kids and husband, who the hell wants to live with that?
Well 30 minutes after I took my meds yesterday my friend showed up with her nice card and banana bread, so of course I started crying. I am now going to plagiarize what she wrote because it was directed not just at me but to all moms. I will tell you the author's name is Julie. But since I was born in 1970 pretty much all of my friends are named Julie, Stephanie, Megan, Michelle, Jennifer and a few Yvettes. So that really doesn't give you much of a clue.
The pretty card she gave me had some glittery ladybugs on it:
"I think it's time you take a second for yourself. I'm sure this flare-up was scary and humbling- health issues always are- so I hope that when (if?) you have a quiet moment you can reflect back on it and see it as a kind of wake-up call. It's so easy as mothers and wives to put ourselves on the back burner, and before you know it, the shit has really hit the fan! Please, next time you are in pain, don't try to hide it and ignore it. listen to your body, and lean a little on your support system when you need it- you clearly have an army of people around you who love you.
I hope you see this as helpful, not preachy. I adore you and want only the very best for you.
Take Care of Yourself!"
I promise I will and I want everyone else to do likewise.
I showed Erik that card last night and he totally agreed and thought it was very sweet. He told me he feels bad that I should have to cook 3 different kinds of foods every night: his dinner, my dinner if I even feel like eating, and then the kids' dinner. So I told him that some of my friends had volunteered to bring more meals and that I can ask if those are still available. Now we have 6 days of meals coming, Yay!!
I am also lettting the house go a little bit. When I get all sweaty, short of breath and start limping then I get to sit guilt free.
My oldest is having issues at school and I am not sure if he really is crying for me because he thinks I am going back to the hospital or if he is just milking it. My 5 year old is highly intelligent and OVERLY DRAMATIC. I am trying to toe the line of extra love and extra smackdown. He dropped an F bomb in class this week, but at least he used it in a sentence............. I sent an email to his teacher apologizing and asking for any brilliant ideas, she's a smart cookie so I can use her as a resource for sure. My other 2 monkeys are just more lovey dovey than usual, and that's totally fine.
And get this! My gorgeous husband has decided that waiting 3 more years for another vacation is absurb and not heathy for us as individuals, a couple and a family. I hid my sickness because I didn't want to ruin my brother's wedding and didn't want any attention on me. Fail!! So Erik wants me to book a weeklong family vacation in Februrary so that we have something to look forward to! I am on it! And Auntie M has forbidden me to take my kids to Disneyland without her. She told me she would be heartbroken and she wants to see their faces the first time they go. So we have to get planning on a early summer Disneyland trip! I haven't been to Disneyland in 26 years!!
Ok so this present nausea and sweating jag has passed and I need to clean the kitchen a little bit.
It's this fucking steroid Prednisone I am on for the next month. Like clockwork 30 minutes after I take it I start crying. For no reason! It's also making me short of breath, nauseous,sweaty and makes my legs and feet sore. So I am just limping around at home all sweaty and crying. My poor kids and husband, who the hell wants to live with that?
Well 30 minutes after I took my meds yesterday my friend showed up with her nice card and banana bread, so of course I started crying. I am now going to plagiarize what she wrote because it was directed not just at me but to all moms. I will tell you the author's name is Julie. But since I was born in 1970 pretty much all of my friends are named Julie, Stephanie, Megan, Michelle, Jennifer and a few Yvettes. So that really doesn't give you much of a clue.
The pretty card she gave me had some glittery ladybugs on it:
"I think it's time you take a second for yourself. I'm sure this flare-up was scary and humbling- health issues always are- so I hope that when (if?) you have a quiet moment you can reflect back on it and see it as a kind of wake-up call. It's so easy as mothers and wives to put ourselves on the back burner, and before you know it, the shit has really hit the fan! Please, next time you are in pain, don't try to hide it and ignore it. listen to your body, and lean a little on your support system when you need it- you clearly have an army of people around you who love you.
I hope you see this as helpful, not preachy. I adore you and want only the very best for you.
Take Care of Yourself!"
I promise I will and I want everyone else to do likewise.
I showed Erik that card last night and he totally agreed and thought it was very sweet. He told me he feels bad that I should have to cook 3 different kinds of foods every night: his dinner, my dinner if I even feel like eating, and then the kids' dinner. So I told him that some of my friends had volunteered to bring more meals and that I can ask if those are still available. Now we have 6 days of meals coming, Yay!!
I am also lettting the house go a little bit. When I get all sweaty, short of breath and start limping then I get to sit guilt free.
My oldest is having issues at school and I am not sure if he really is crying for me because he thinks I am going back to the hospital or if he is just milking it. My 5 year old is highly intelligent and OVERLY DRAMATIC. I am trying to toe the line of extra love and extra smackdown. He dropped an F bomb in class this week, but at least he used it in a sentence............. I sent an email to his teacher apologizing and asking for any brilliant ideas, she's a smart cookie so I can use her as a resource for sure. My other 2 monkeys are just more lovey dovey than usual, and that's totally fine.
And get this! My gorgeous husband has decided that waiting 3 more years for another vacation is absurb and not heathy for us as individuals, a couple and a family. I hid my sickness because I didn't want to ruin my brother's wedding and didn't want any attention on me. Fail!! So Erik wants me to book a weeklong family vacation in Februrary so that we have something to look forward to! I am on it! And Auntie M has forbidden me to take my kids to Disneyland without her. She told me she would be heartbroken and she wants to see their faces the first time they go. So we have to get planning on a early summer Disneyland trip! I haven't been to Disneyland in 26 years!!
Ok so this present nausea and sweating jag has passed and I need to clean the kitchen a little bit.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
3 Days in the Hospital
Well if you are a regular reader you would know that last weekend I wrote about having a tough time with my illustrious colon. I was bemoaning the misfortune of having feeling like hell and having a disease that nobody wants to talk about, especially me!
The final chapter on last weekend was that I decided to continue on the steroids my gastroenterologist had prescribed me, and things will be looking up soon. That was last Sunday, by Tuesday I could barely get out of bed. I was in pain and had lost more blood than I was comfortable with. I personally called my gastroenterologist, and when I have time I will be shopping for a new one. All this time I had been in remission or had mild flare-ups but now that I was really sick, he was not helpful. He agreed that a trip to the E.R. might not be out of the question, but warned me I might lose my colon. I am not sure how he could tell that over the phone but it certainly didn't quell my anxiety.
I called my sitter Saint Sarah to come in early to get the kids dressed and to school and I insisted on showering. Erik drove me to the hospital and I won't lie I went straight to a bed instead of the waiting room and I was grateful for that perk. Erik gave the staff a quick update, kissed me and went to check on his patients. It's so embarassing talking about my symptoms that all 3 people were leaning towards me to hear what I had to say. I am not a quiet person, most people in my family don't own indoor voices. I just didn't want everyone to hear. And then I started to cry and then they took my blood pressure. 203/122! That spoke louder than words. I was in a lot of pain. The E.R. doctor was so nice and ordered some Ativan, "To step this crying down. ". He didn't say it in a rude way, it was helpful. I can't talk if I am crying and I couldn't stop crying because I was anxious, and the anxiety and pain was making my blood pressure go through the roof.
I was there less than an hour, and they decided who was taking over and that I was spending the night, and was scheduled a sigmoidoscopy for the next morning. Moms aren't supposed to go into the hospital.
San Ramon is a small town and Auntie M had seen Erik driving me to the hospital that morning so she called me on my cell and asked what's up. It was perfect because I could immediately begin to arrange child-care, and school transportation, and meals. When I got off the phone the nurse joked that I had been spotted by the paparazzi.
I was quickly whisked upstairs into a room and Auntie M came shortly after bearing trashy mags, a smile and a promise to keep the kids in line. After she left 2 nurses came back and started tossing stuff onto my bed and said we are moving you. "Why?", "Aren't you Dr. Gracer's wife?", "Yes". "Well we have a bigger room with a view for you.". "Oh that's really nice but that's not necessary I just need a toilet and a bed and a tv.". But they wheeled my groggy self to a bigger room, it was sweet but the view was wasted, because I immediately passed out.
They woke me for my clear liquid diet lunch and dinner and I ate it out of self-defense. Jello and popsicles should never be an entree. I was still in pain and the steroids make me weepy. It's embarrassing because my husband has to work there and they are going to think his wife is a crybaby. Thankfully my night shift nurse was a ray of sunshine. Super attentive without nagging or being clingy. I am partial to people who work the graveyard shift ,because I did that in an emergency psychiatric hospital, it takes a different kind of person.
The next morning was the sigmoidoscopy and they wheeled me down to that unit. I overheard my friend's voice so I called him over. One of our closest friends is a gastroenterologist and he is usually the one who would be doing this to a patient. I don't mind getting drunk and having a guy friend see me naked in a hot tub but a sigmoidoscopy is where I draw the line. He laughed and said he understood.
Now it was time for the procedure and they had me turn on my side. I warned them that I metabolize medications very quickly and have a habit of waking up during times I was supposed to be sedated. The nurse said, "OK ," Gave me the shot in my I.V. and then turned around to do paperwork. I bored holes in her back with my eyes. She turned around, and I smiled, she said, "Just give it a few more seconds.". I was feeling rainbows and unicorns but I was still awake, and there was no way in hell they were going to stick a garden hose up my ass while I was conscious. She turned around again to meet my buggy eyes and then turned to the physician, "Can I give her more?", "What!?". He was a little surprised to see my unblinking stare, but he must have said yes because that's the last I remember.
After the procedure there was a huge chunk of time that is not very coherent. I know that I was told some stuff, but then I had to ask over and over again because my short-term memory was a mess. After many people repeating to me many times I finally understood that I was grateful to not have an infection or polyps, and though they did take a biopsy they didn't think it was cancerous. But it did look like my colitis had spread significantly. I was weepy and tired and wanted my kids. My husband was tired too and very stressed out and everyone was just trying to hold it together.
My monkeys did come to visit and ate my popsicle, which was my entree, and some licorice the nurses gave them. They made a sticky mess and crawled all over me and asked lots of questions. And I was sad to see their smily faces go. The rest of that night I was still uncomfortable but I got another night shift nurse who was a rock star. All night long she kept trying to get me to lower my blood pressure. At one point I was on a pain med, benadryl and ativan and it was still 188/103. I was just laying there doing nothing! Finally she looked at me and said, "Is it me? Do I stress you out?". I cracked up and said, "You are the least of me worries!". She then said, "Well maybe I am just too hot.". I suggested she wipe off her sexy lip gloss and we can try again later. I believe bantering and a sense of humor is something that should be taught in nursing and medical school. This woman was so nice she stopped by in the afternoon to check on me on her OWN time.
When the doctor came by to visit me the next morning I told him the truth about how I was feeling and all it got me was another night in the hospital!!! What?! I was feeling better than on Tuesday so I thought for sure they would let me go. But he made a good point, "You are going to go home and start chasing your kids and end up back here on I.V. again. I need to get in as many steroids in I.V. form inside of you before you go back home.". He's right but this is just not practical. More crying. And Erik was supposed to be on-call that night at the hospital I am a patient at. I had to pull out the big guns and asked my mom to come please spend the night at my house.
By now my kids were showing by their behavior the stress of not having mommy at home. They weren't being very nice to their Nana and Grandma Wheeze and Mike was crying at school. I wanted to curl into a ball and cry. The only upside was that my MIL brought me some cute little scarecrow figurines to decorate for the holidays and my mom brought me some decent toiletries and panties (instead of the thong panties Erik brought me). And I was switched to a full liquid diet instead of clear liquid. Pureed soup tasted like a gourmet meal at this point.
Erik came by later with my laptop so I could order groceries online to be delivered, that made me feel a little more in control of my life. I told him to come back after tucking his patients into bed so he could give me a kiss. I tried to wait getting my pain meds until after he left but I couldn't wait. I have a fuzzy memory of somebody kissing me goodnight, I hope it was Erik and not the janitor.
Another Florence Nightingale got me through the night and in the morning I had one foot out the door. I told the doctor I was fabulous and was told to take it easy this weekend and eat a low-residue diet. Saint Sarah had to pick up the kids from school first and then I told her to just wait out for me out front so she wouldn't have to drag all 3 through the hospital. Well you know how hospitals insist on wheeling you out in a wheel chair? So here I am sitting waiting for a wheel chair and I can hear my kids over my cell screaming for mommy. Finally I flag down a nurse and tell her my ride is here. She asks if I can walk and I say hell yeah I can walk. We pass my volunteer in the hallway on the way to the elevator. A little old lady volunteer who practically needs the wheelchair as a walker. We told her it was ok, I can walk to my car, and the nurse and I laughed that maybe her volunteer duties should be stapling or giving out kleenexes instead of wheeling large adults around.
My kids were out of their little minds when they saw me. Mike and Bekah both unbuckled their seatbelts and lunged at me and Jake strained against his carseat and whined. I gave them lots of hugs and kisses and tried to get my bag from the nurse. She just stood there and said, "They are so happy to see you, oh it's so sad, they missed you. ". I thought she was going to cry. Oh jeez. So I just got in the van and buckled them back in and gave them hugs and kisses and then got my bag from the nurse and told her it was ok.
Wow coming home was not peaceful. The kids were hungry, whining and spinning out of control. The grocery guy showed up at the same time, to deliver the groceries and so did Erik with our new bookkeeper. It was total fucking chaos. I did not want to meet our new bookkeeper while dressed in pajamas and bruises from I.V.s on my arms and my kids in tears. She must think her new boss has the most dysfunctional family ever. The timing couldn't be worse.
We got the very nice grocery guy out the door even though I did want to talk to him about his daughter's wedding, she's a marine. I helped Erik seperate some personal and business files for our new bookeeper which she means she had to go in our home office in our messy bedroom. Then Saint Sarah and I tackled feeding the kids, cleaning the kitchen and putting the groceries away. I put Jake down for a nap and then sent Sarah to Target to pick up my meds while I did some more de-cluttering. But the hospital called the meds into Walgreen's instead of Target, sigh. So Sarah came back with the kids and made brownies with them and I went back to Target to straighten it out.
By this time my knees and ankles were starting to swell and I was really tired and irritable. But when I got home my dear friend Barb was here with her awesome monkey and everything was calm and quiet. Auntie M had come to pick up Bekah for some special girly time and Jake was napping. I was so grateful I teared up. This is more crying I have done in years, people who know me know I am not a crier. Another dear friend Danica brought dinner and we put the kids down for an early bed without a squawk.
This morning Erik came to the room and said, "Honey can you get up?", at first I was annoyed, thinking he should cut me some slack, but then he said, "It's 10:30a.m.". I was shocked I thought it was like 7 in the morning. I was so tired. I sent Erik back to bed and I got up to hang with the monkeys. I was feeling so much better and it's nice to be in my home. But I can really see the affect me being gone had on my young kids. When their Nana showed up today, my mother-in-law, the kids clung to me and were rude to her. Bekah ran into another room, Mike's rudeness was too much to ignore and he ended up on a time-out. I reassured them that Nana was just there to go to a birthday party with their Daddy and that I will be home the whole time. I am not going anywhere. Poor babies.
I just want to give a shout-out to all my friends and family that picked up the slack this week. Thank you for the orchid and the card, the magazines, tons of food, taking care of my kids and my husband, my laundry and just being here to listen. I really,really appreciate it and could not have done it without you.
Love,
Charlotte
The final chapter on last weekend was that I decided to continue on the steroids my gastroenterologist had prescribed me, and things will be looking up soon. That was last Sunday, by Tuesday I could barely get out of bed. I was in pain and had lost more blood than I was comfortable with. I personally called my gastroenterologist, and when I have time I will be shopping for a new one. All this time I had been in remission or had mild flare-ups but now that I was really sick, he was not helpful. He agreed that a trip to the E.R. might not be out of the question, but warned me I might lose my colon. I am not sure how he could tell that over the phone but it certainly didn't quell my anxiety.
I called my sitter Saint Sarah to come in early to get the kids dressed and to school and I insisted on showering. Erik drove me to the hospital and I won't lie I went straight to a bed instead of the waiting room and I was grateful for that perk. Erik gave the staff a quick update, kissed me and went to check on his patients. It's so embarassing talking about my symptoms that all 3 people were leaning towards me to hear what I had to say. I am not a quiet person, most people in my family don't own indoor voices. I just didn't want everyone to hear. And then I started to cry and then they took my blood pressure. 203/122! That spoke louder than words. I was in a lot of pain. The E.R. doctor was so nice and ordered some Ativan, "To step this crying down. ". He didn't say it in a rude way, it was helpful. I can't talk if I am crying and I couldn't stop crying because I was anxious, and the anxiety and pain was making my blood pressure go through the roof.
I was there less than an hour, and they decided who was taking over and that I was spending the night, and was scheduled a sigmoidoscopy for the next morning. Moms aren't supposed to go into the hospital.
San Ramon is a small town and Auntie M had seen Erik driving me to the hospital that morning so she called me on my cell and asked what's up. It was perfect because I could immediately begin to arrange child-care, and school transportation, and meals. When I got off the phone the nurse joked that I had been spotted by the paparazzi.
I was quickly whisked upstairs into a room and Auntie M came shortly after bearing trashy mags, a smile and a promise to keep the kids in line. After she left 2 nurses came back and started tossing stuff onto my bed and said we are moving you. "Why?", "Aren't you Dr. Gracer's wife?", "Yes". "Well we have a bigger room with a view for you.". "Oh that's really nice but that's not necessary I just need a toilet and a bed and a tv.". But they wheeled my groggy self to a bigger room, it was sweet but the view was wasted, because I immediately passed out.
They woke me for my clear liquid diet lunch and dinner and I ate it out of self-defense. Jello and popsicles should never be an entree. I was still in pain and the steroids make me weepy. It's embarrassing because my husband has to work there and they are going to think his wife is a crybaby. Thankfully my night shift nurse was a ray of sunshine. Super attentive without nagging or being clingy. I am partial to people who work the graveyard shift ,because I did that in an emergency psychiatric hospital, it takes a different kind of person.
The next morning was the sigmoidoscopy and they wheeled me down to that unit. I overheard my friend's voice so I called him over. One of our closest friends is a gastroenterologist and he is usually the one who would be doing this to a patient. I don't mind getting drunk and having a guy friend see me naked in a hot tub but a sigmoidoscopy is where I draw the line. He laughed and said he understood.
Now it was time for the procedure and they had me turn on my side. I warned them that I metabolize medications very quickly and have a habit of waking up during times I was supposed to be sedated. The nurse said, "OK ," Gave me the shot in my I.V. and then turned around to do paperwork. I bored holes in her back with my eyes. She turned around, and I smiled, she said, "Just give it a few more seconds.". I was feeling rainbows and unicorns but I was still awake, and there was no way in hell they were going to stick a garden hose up my ass while I was conscious. She turned around again to meet my buggy eyes and then turned to the physician, "Can I give her more?", "What!?". He was a little surprised to see my unblinking stare, but he must have said yes because that's the last I remember.
After the procedure there was a huge chunk of time that is not very coherent. I know that I was told some stuff, but then I had to ask over and over again because my short-term memory was a mess. After many people repeating to me many times I finally understood that I was grateful to not have an infection or polyps, and though they did take a biopsy they didn't think it was cancerous. But it did look like my colitis had spread significantly. I was weepy and tired and wanted my kids. My husband was tired too and very stressed out and everyone was just trying to hold it together.
My monkeys did come to visit and ate my popsicle, which was my entree, and some licorice the nurses gave them. They made a sticky mess and crawled all over me and asked lots of questions. And I was sad to see their smily faces go. The rest of that night I was still uncomfortable but I got another night shift nurse who was a rock star. All night long she kept trying to get me to lower my blood pressure. At one point I was on a pain med, benadryl and ativan and it was still 188/103. I was just laying there doing nothing! Finally she looked at me and said, "Is it me? Do I stress you out?". I cracked up and said, "You are the least of me worries!". She then said, "Well maybe I am just too hot.". I suggested she wipe off her sexy lip gloss and we can try again later. I believe bantering and a sense of humor is something that should be taught in nursing and medical school. This woman was so nice she stopped by in the afternoon to check on me on her OWN time.
When the doctor came by to visit me the next morning I told him the truth about how I was feeling and all it got me was another night in the hospital!!! What?! I was feeling better than on Tuesday so I thought for sure they would let me go. But he made a good point, "You are going to go home and start chasing your kids and end up back here on I.V. again. I need to get in as many steroids in I.V. form inside of you before you go back home.". He's right but this is just not practical. More crying. And Erik was supposed to be on-call that night at the hospital I am a patient at. I had to pull out the big guns and asked my mom to come please spend the night at my house.
By now my kids were showing by their behavior the stress of not having mommy at home. They weren't being very nice to their Nana and Grandma Wheeze and Mike was crying at school. I wanted to curl into a ball and cry. The only upside was that my MIL brought me some cute little scarecrow figurines to decorate for the holidays and my mom brought me some decent toiletries and panties (instead of the thong panties Erik brought me). And I was switched to a full liquid diet instead of clear liquid. Pureed soup tasted like a gourmet meal at this point.
Erik came by later with my laptop so I could order groceries online to be delivered, that made me feel a little more in control of my life. I told him to come back after tucking his patients into bed so he could give me a kiss. I tried to wait getting my pain meds until after he left but I couldn't wait. I have a fuzzy memory of somebody kissing me goodnight, I hope it was Erik and not the janitor.
Another Florence Nightingale got me through the night and in the morning I had one foot out the door. I told the doctor I was fabulous and was told to take it easy this weekend and eat a low-residue diet. Saint Sarah had to pick up the kids from school first and then I told her to just wait out for me out front so she wouldn't have to drag all 3 through the hospital. Well you know how hospitals insist on wheeling you out in a wheel chair? So here I am sitting waiting for a wheel chair and I can hear my kids over my cell screaming for mommy. Finally I flag down a nurse and tell her my ride is here. She asks if I can walk and I say hell yeah I can walk. We pass my volunteer in the hallway on the way to the elevator. A little old lady volunteer who practically needs the wheelchair as a walker. We told her it was ok, I can walk to my car, and the nurse and I laughed that maybe her volunteer duties should be stapling or giving out kleenexes instead of wheeling large adults around.
My kids were out of their little minds when they saw me. Mike and Bekah both unbuckled their seatbelts and lunged at me and Jake strained against his carseat and whined. I gave them lots of hugs and kisses and tried to get my bag from the nurse. She just stood there and said, "They are so happy to see you, oh it's so sad, they missed you. ". I thought she was going to cry. Oh jeez. So I just got in the van and buckled them back in and gave them hugs and kisses and then got my bag from the nurse and told her it was ok.
Wow coming home was not peaceful. The kids were hungry, whining and spinning out of control. The grocery guy showed up at the same time, to deliver the groceries and so did Erik with our new bookkeeper. It was total fucking chaos. I did not want to meet our new bookkeeper while dressed in pajamas and bruises from I.V.s on my arms and my kids in tears. She must think her new boss has the most dysfunctional family ever. The timing couldn't be worse.
We got the very nice grocery guy out the door even though I did want to talk to him about his daughter's wedding, she's a marine. I helped Erik seperate some personal and business files for our new bookeeper which she means she had to go in our home office in our messy bedroom. Then Saint Sarah and I tackled feeding the kids, cleaning the kitchen and putting the groceries away. I put Jake down for a nap and then sent Sarah to Target to pick up my meds while I did some more de-cluttering. But the hospital called the meds into Walgreen's instead of Target, sigh. So Sarah came back with the kids and made brownies with them and I went back to Target to straighten it out.
By this time my knees and ankles were starting to swell and I was really tired and irritable. But when I got home my dear friend Barb was here with her awesome monkey and everything was calm and quiet. Auntie M had come to pick up Bekah for some special girly time and Jake was napping. I was so grateful I teared up. This is more crying I have done in years, people who know me know I am not a crier. Another dear friend Danica brought dinner and we put the kids down for an early bed without a squawk.
This morning Erik came to the room and said, "Honey can you get up?", at first I was annoyed, thinking he should cut me some slack, but then he said, "It's 10:30a.m.". I was shocked I thought it was like 7 in the morning. I was so tired. I sent Erik back to bed and I got up to hang with the monkeys. I was feeling so much better and it's nice to be in my home. But I can really see the affect me being gone had on my young kids. When their Nana showed up today, my mother-in-law, the kids clung to me and were rude to her. Bekah ran into another room, Mike's rudeness was too much to ignore and he ended up on a time-out. I reassured them that Nana was just there to go to a birthday party with their Daddy and that I will be home the whole time. I am not going anywhere. Poor babies.
I just want to give a shout-out to all my friends and family that picked up the slack this week. Thank you for the orchid and the card, the magazines, tons of food, taking care of my kids and my husband, my laundry and just being here to listen. I really,really appreciate it and could not have done it without you.
Love,
Charlotte
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Two Free Tacos at Jack In The Box
Two Free Tacos at Jack in the Box today only.
Breakfast= 1 slice cold pizza thin crust (tomatoes, pineapple, ham and onion)=5 points
4 cups coffee, F.F. 1/2 and 1/2= 2 points
Lunch= 2 Tacos= 8 points
diet soda=0 points
Dinner=Tuna, Lentil, Feta, Spinach Salad= 3 points
Toasted Pita= 1 point
Fruit Salad=2 points
Wine= 2 points
Beer= 3 points
Don't eat shitty food while on a diet, it's not necessary!!!
Breakfast= 1 slice cold pizza thin crust (tomatoes, pineapple, ham and onion)=5 points
4 cups coffee, F.F. 1/2 and 1/2= 2 points
Lunch= 2 Tacos= 8 points
diet soda=0 points
Dinner=Tuna, Lentil, Feta, Spinach Salad= 3 points
Toasted Pita= 1 point
Fruit Salad=2 points
Wine= 2 points
Beer= 3 points
Don't eat shitty food while on a diet, it's not necessary!!!
Monday, August 3, 2009
Fat Bitch, Skinny Bitch
I have been both, so I can say fat bitch, skinny bitch, with authority. I was pushing 2 bills when I was pregnant with Michael. I tipped the scales at 197 pounds and then my water broke. So post-partum I was easily a size 16-18.
Those extra rolls certainly didn't stop my husband from impregnating me with 2 more kids. That's what freaks me out about our society's obsessiveness with being thin. Straight men don't like super skinny women! So the only reason women are starving themselves are for other women.
Leafing through a magazine in a waiting room I came across a pictorial of an overly skinny girl in a bikini. I thought for sure the captions were going to read about how this young woman continues to struggle with eating disorders. No, she was actually a bikini model. I was repulsed and once I got into the doctor's office I shoved that magazine into the Bio-Hazard bucket where it belongs.
I know a lot of men who would much rather rub sunscreen on Scarlet above instead of this stick in the picture below.
This girl looks like she would be a lot of fun to have a beer with, or go to the gym with, or go skiing/camping/hiking.
This chick would probably run out of breath doing anything physical and barfs after 2 martinis.
I want my swim suit models to fill out their swim suits. Good ole Claudia Schiffer, she was no toothpick.
Ewww, she is not wearing a bikini but 2 rubber bands. I want to force feed her a cheeseburger.
This chick might have a hard time finding jeans for her luscious booty, but I would rather go shopping and have lunch with her than some non-eating size zero.
Nobody would dare call this woman fat. Can you imagine?
So here is where my authority on thinness comes from. Yep that's me. I am way too skinny in that picture. I wasn't eating healthy enough and cared way too much about what I looked like. Now before some of you get your panties in a bunch about how dare I post a half naked picture of myself on the internet. Don't I respect my kids and family blah blah blad. Yes I do. I have a daughter now and I want her to know that I am happier with my body now after having 3 kids than I was in that picture at age 22. And if I wore that same outfit and posed like that again you would not recognize those 2 bodies in a line-up. But I am more attractive now because I am smarter and got my shit way more together. And that is way sexier than being able to see my hip bone.
I would rather have a beer with this chick.
Those extra rolls certainly didn't stop my husband from impregnating me with 2 more kids. That's what freaks me out about our society's obsessiveness with being thin. Straight men don't like super skinny women! So the only reason women are starving themselves are for other women.
Leafing through a magazine in a waiting room I came across a pictorial of an overly skinny girl in a bikini. I thought for sure the captions were going to read about how this young woman continues to struggle with eating disorders. No, she was actually a bikini model. I was repulsed and once I got into the doctor's office I shoved that magazine into the Bio-Hazard bucket where it belongs.
Along with most women my age I struggle with my weight, and it wasn't until my Dad survived a major heart attack that I realized I have to get serious about healthy eating. Once I made weight loss about health, and not beauty, it became so much easier to keep it off. And if some weight creeps back onto my belly, I don't become stressed out and depressed about it. I am almost 5 ft. 6 inches tall and I am not petite. I have hips, wide shoulders, wrists, ankles and my hands are almost as big as my husband's. So I know that to be 125 pounds would be a completely ridiculous weight goal for me. My healthy weight is between 140-145 pounds. I could weigh less but my quality of life would suffer, I like food, I just want to be healthy, not a model.
And like I mentioned before, straight men, and normal women aren't attracted to super skinny women. I have had a lot of platonic and not so platonic guy friends in my life and I can say with confidence that the picture below is probably near perfection for most men. (Assume I am talking about straight men). That's Scarlett Johannsen by the way, so you don't have to be anorexic to be a super star. I love this picture. She has a tiny bit of meat on her tummy, some healthy hips, thighs, her arms aren't scrawny and just like most women I know; her breasts aren't even the same shape/size.
I know a lot of men who would much rather rub sunscreen on Scarlet above instead of this stick in the picture below.
This girl looks like she would be a lot of fun to have a beer with, or go to the gym with, or go skiing/camping/hiking.
This chick would probably run out of breath doing anything physical and barfs after 2 martinis.
I want my swim suit models to fill out their swim suits. Good ole Claudia Schiffer, she was no toothpick.
Ewww, she is not wearing a bikini but 2 rubber bands. I want to force feed her a cheeseburger.
This chick might have a hard time finding jeans for her luscious booty, but I would rather go shopping and have lunch with her than some non-eating size zero.
Nobody would dare call this woman fat. Can you imagine?
So here is where my authority on thinness comes from. Yep that's me. I am way too skinny in that picture. I wasn't eating healthy enough and cared way too much about what I looked like. Now before some of you get your panties in a bunch about how dare I post a half naked picture of myself on the internet. Don't I respect my kids and family blah blah blad. Yes I do. I have a daughter now and I want her to know that I am happier with my body now after having 3 kids than I was in that picture at age 22. And if I wore that same outfit and posed like that again you would not recognize those 2 bodies in a line-up. But I am more attractive now because I am smarter and got my shit way more together. And that is way sexier than being able to see my hip bone.
I would rather have a beer with this chick.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)