A guest in the house of Charlotte

Oh hi! It's me, Clare from the Lilacgrove. I am so happy to be guest blogging here today while missy takes a much deserved break with her family.

It was suggested that us guest bloggers write about Sex, Religion or Politics. Jeez what do I write about? I am not a very controversial person. No bones in the closet type a gal. Don't like to offend, be looked down on, talked about but I am certainly am not 'church lady' Folks, I haven't been to a church service in 20 years. Weddings, funerals yes but Sunday morning with a Reverend whats his face? No. I believe in God, the afterlife, angels, the devil and prayer but the thought of sitting down for an hour or so in a church just makes me go funny. I was born and raised in England and my family's religion was Church of England. So what is that in America? Protestant? God knows. Ha! My Dad was adopted but found his biological sisters and brothers 25 years ago (thats how I met my husband. Came out to america to meet my Uncle and met my husband when I was 17) His biological mother was raised in a jewish household. I don't think this makes me jewish because my mum's side is Church of England. Right Char? I attended my first Sedar last holiday. It was so much fun but my 3 year old got wriggly after an hour.

You know what burns my muffins? When I meet people for the first time and they can't get past two sentences without mentioning the G word. What did you have for Breakfast? I had eggs, bacon and God loves you. Quit shoving it down my throat. Yes, I believe in God but STOP IT. I used to know someone, I will call her Mabel. She was having difficulties in her marriage and found God. It was like she had changed bodies. This beautiful, intelligent, fun gal had suddenly joined a Church (this one was more like a Cult) and her personality got zapped right out of her. The radio station in her car went from KFOG to KGOD

My beautiful Godmother was taken away from me five years ago by Cancer. She was truly the most beautiful person and a wonderful friend. I would go to her when I wanted a second opinion aside from my mums and she always had time for me. She was a Christian and attended her church a few times a week. She NEVER did the whole God this God that. She knew that I believed and that was good enough for her.

Hey, I am getting outta this blog and leaving it up to the good writers in this world to carry on. This has been so much fun for this British gal. Thank you Charlotte for letting me do this.

The Genie's Out of the Bottle.....

I've never been asked to "guest-blog" before....... and as usual my feelings of joy and validation quickly evaporated and I'm right back to obsessing about shoes. Surely there's nothing of importance to be said by an unemployed blogger from Alaska on sex, religion or politics. Hey wait - there's that other unemployed blogger from Alaska who came up with that little catch phrase "death panel" - and got a whole lot of mileage out of it. What was her name again? Oh yeah - Sarah, Sarah Palin. The girl who is more at home on the pages of the National Enquirer than Newsweek....smack dab in between ads for psychic hotlines and the 7-page photo spread on celebrity cellulite.

But enough on our Sarah. Although she's one of my favorite right wing nutcases to skewer and roast ever so slowly over extra-hot coals, there's another issue that has popped up in recent days. Apparently a Presidential speech on the importance of education directed to students has been twisted into a dark conservative conspiracy that's adamant that a 15-minute speech will convert our nation's youth to Obama's evil socialist creed. Surely their soft, moldable minds will be forever branded with leftest ideologies that might lead to such subversive activities as examining a multitude of different ideas and using rational thought processes. Next thing you know there'll be armies of children with implanted electronic monitoring devices turning them into mindless, goose-stepping drones of the state. One push of a button from some evil bureaucrat's desk (safely hidden away in an underground bunker in east nowhere Kansas) will cause them to murder their parents in the night. Could the cross-breeding of dogs with cats and Paris Hilton receiving a Nobel prize for physics be far behind?

Are these just the ridiculous rants of an aging tattooed rebel with hair colors not found in nature? Thankfully some people can grasp the concept of parody. But my tirade is no more ridiculous than spewings of "good Americans" over an upcoming Presidential speech to students within publicly-funded (gasp!) schools - which surely are no more than a trip to commie hell in a hand basket. Good white "patriots" wrapping themselves up in the flag and pounding their chests accusing Obama of bringing politics into the classroom, saying it's akin "to the propagandizing of Hitler's Nazi Germany." That last blurb was an actual statement from a "concerned parent" from Anchorage, Alaska. The land of Palin, Uncle Ted and the Murkowski dynasty.....

Silly hysterics of a few whose cheese slid off their crackers, right? Then why are school districts throughout the nation are buckling right and left (no pun intended) to the paranoid rhetoric of racists, birthers, teabaggers, dittoheads, conservatives, FOX News fans, Christians zealots, ad nauseum. What's next? They are infiltrating lawful assemblies using hired gun-toting goons to intimidate those "commies" wanting health care... Hmmmm - where was all this self-righteous furor over George "Wingnut" Bush speaking to school children (speaking of the blind leading the blind) - including on 9/11? Or Carter, Reagan, Clinton, etc.?

Can any of these wingnuts actually define "socialism", "communism", "facism", "Nazi", etc. beyond words they like to sling out for shock value? Similar to a three year old saying "fuckhead" to shock mom and dad and earning street cred with the toddler set....

However, it's not the Dark Side's latest outcries over a Presidential speech that disturbs me the most. What disturbs me is the fact that a group of knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing, hypocritical right wing zealots can essentially blackmail schools into throwing out the fundamentals of education, free speech and intelligent discourse out over the least bit of controversy (even when the controversy sprung from the voices in their heads). The genie is out of the bottle - even if it is just a rusty beer can.....

Yes, thanks to the right wingnuts, the genie is out of the bottle and poised for all sorts of mischief. Those suburban BBQ's will soon be fueled by burning books instead of briquettes. Soon entire curriculums will be changed to satisfy the politics of denial and bigotry. It'll be so much easier to raise a generation molded by fear and propaganda if we didn't have all this silly academic bullshit! Let 'em learn wood shop and the bible - it was good enough for our forefathers and it's good enough for us!

Yes, the old "dynamite the fish pond" approach. Start spouting bible verses, excerpts from the constitution and whatever Glenn Beck/Rush Limbaugh said that day. Kill enough fish and the smell will overcome the strongest nose (or intellect). Hey, if Sarah Palin can use fish analogies, so can I. We're the culture of celebrity and 30 second sound bites. I especially like the bible thumpers that mix government w/religion. They forget about separation of state FROM church in addition to their own holy scriptures advocating genocide, slavery, human sacrifice, rape, etc. I especially like Timothy ii, 12, St Paul is quoted thus: “I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.” Guess someone better muzzle Sarah......and Michelle Bachman too.

I think I just stumbled across the Conservanuts' reasons for their outcry over a simple Presidential speech - if you control education, no one will question your version of the "truth." Not the first time that circus came through town though......but they are betting that suppression of an educational system - or a country - that is free to examine any and all ideas will at least keep their freakish side show going on a little longer......

While The Cat's Away The Mice Will Play

I am going on vacation starting Monday and I have the most amazing line-up of guest bloggers for all of you! Seriously, this is going to be good! I chose the topics of Politics, Religion, and Sex. The 3 topics you are not supposed to bring up in mixed company should make for an interesting read.

Monday will start off with a bang with a post written by a cool chick I met on twitter. Hell Is on Heels.

On Tuesday, September 8th, the author of The Lilac Grove will be here. I know that sounds like she is all fluffy and sweet and possibly boring. No, no, no this girl drinks whiskey and is not afraid to lay it on the line.

Wednesday we are going international. I am dying to know what a Scottish mother of 3, who authors a cooking blog has to say about religion, politics and/or sex.

Thursday the 10th of September I will be boarding a plane with my husband, mom and all 3 of my offspring. This is also the day that a dear friend Julie will tackle these heavy duty subjects. She does not have a blog, but she is a small business owner, has 2 wonderful teenagers, and a mini farm, with goats, dogs, cats and chickens. I can't believe she can find the time to write something on my blog so I am also eager to read what she has to say.

Friday 9/11, an unlucky day if you are superstitious, so I decided to hand my blog over to a controversial figure. Billy Bob Neck will give us a redneck's view of life. I want to test my readers and see if they are really Not Easily Offended.

Saturday I will be attending my brother's rehearsal dinner and visiting with family in beautiful San Diego. This is also the day that The Claw will rend my blog with her wit. If you like me you will like her. She is a smartass, has 2 boys, husband is a physician and she is also a Saggitarius. What's not to like?

Sunday September 13th is my brother's wedding. My boys will be the ring bearers and Bekah will be one of the 3 flower girls. I will show you so many damn pictures when I get home you will run when you see me coming! How's this for a blog title, "Official Buttwiper"? Aren't you just kicking yourself for not thinking of that title first? I do everytime I read it. She is an asshole Republican and I am dirty hippie but we manage to get along great. (Mickie you called yourself an asshole Republican first :) )

The 14th and the 15th are wide open right now but I am working on it. I will not let you down.

And back by popular demand is The Unknown Mami. She was a guest earlier this year and everybody loved her writing. An Hispanic mommy, aspiring actor and cool chick.

Enjoy yourself!!

Del Mar High School's 20 Year Reunion Class of 1989

So last weekend I went to my 20 year high school reunion. As soon as I got home Sunday morning the requests on Facebook for pictures and information were flying. Most of them were worded, "Give me the dirt!", "Inquiring minds want to know.", "Hurry and upload some pictures. ". I did upload a ton of pictures on Facebook, on my personal page, and I had some minor dirt to share with close friends who couldn't make it, but seriously folks it was pretty tame.

I had a ton of fun the night before at the pole-dancing class I took! By the way if you ever want to do that make sure you stock up on Motrin and prepared to be bruised. I have horrible bruises on the inside of my right arm from swinging on the pole and the inside of my thighs..............well I used to date this really skinny guy with bony hipbones, that's what it looks like. Eventually you build up calluses, but at my reunion I felt compelled to tell people that my husband does not beat me.

The reunion was at the Santa Clara Hilton which was really nice and there was booze and dancing and good conversation. But unlike my husband's reunion nobody got naked or passed out in public.

Some people went outside and toked up, as evident by their breath and red eyes, and some single ladies ditched the party and went out bar-hopping. And I swear one guy may have been coked up that night. In all the pictures he looks like the devil because his eyes are so dilated they look like they have red laser beams shooting out. He used to be such a sweet boy.

The 20 year is really different from the 10 year high school reunion. At your 10 year a lot of people are still single or just got married. 10 years later most everyone is married, with young kids and some people are already divorced. I thought my life was complicated but I do not have step-kids or visitation issues, so I really shouldn't complain.

The whole experience just made me feel so grateful for my mate, kids, situation. When you see somebody you may not have had a lot of respect for and they aren't doing so great in life, don't lie, there is a part of you that feels satisfied. But when you re-connect with somebody who you really liked and who has made some bad choices in the last 20 years........it's just sad. I went back to our hotel room and gave Erik a big smooch.

My husband is wonderful. I can take him anywhere. He will talk to anybody! He tells me, "Well honey talking to strangers about personal stuff is what I do for a living. ". I know that but he wasn't at work he was at a party and it's obvious that he enjoys talking to people and they enjoy talking to him. I can go off with my girlfriends, or go to the bar, or go dance, and he is fine. I could never be with a man that you have to baby-sit or that clings to you, or pouts in a corner. How awful!! And when he does get bored or tired, he just goes back to our room, he doesn't get annoyed or jealous or possessive.

I have only uploaded two pictures from that night because I didn't get permission from others and because my damn camera was having issues. Hint, hint my birthday is in December. As you can see by my giant smile and squinty eyes I had been drinking. Pictured with me is Meshell, who is one of the most beautiful people on the inside and out, she has not changed her heart since like 7th grade. We lost touch but she only lives about 10 minutes away so we will be hanging out again.

And there is my wonderful, awesome, not annoying husband. Stupid camera.

So I need to hook you all up with some guest writers. I will work on that later this afternoon or evening. Erik and I are doing a mini-vacation to San Francisco next week and then when we come back we are heading to San Diego for my brother's wedding. Taking all 3 kids on an airplane!! Eeeeek!!