Thursday, November 4, 2010

Guest Blogger: Billy Bob Neck

Ha, I am so damn proud!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Billy Bob Neck ended up on the Rachel Maddow Show this evening. But I can say that I knew him when.  When he guest blogged on my mediocre blog and received sparse comments. Which I loved, because that means I finally offended my followers. Think tongue in cheek, think "in character" like Stephen Colbert.

Guest Blogger Billy Bob Neck is too computer stupid to have been able to post this himself so he asked me to do it for him, hence: don't shoot the messenger.

9/11 - What So Proudly We Hailed

Eight years ago, Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein unleashed the most evil attack the world had ever seen. No one knows why they did it. It came outta left field, a completely random act of hatred and violence. Using Iraq and Iran as a secret base, they cooked up a plot they hoped would put the nail in the coffin of a country the rest of the world looks up to for guidance, strength and as a role model of freedom and democracy - the United States of America.

But it didn't work.

Sure, America had got fat, lazy and stupid over the previous eight years. Just look at the president we had. If it hadn't been for God's ever watchful eye, Bill Clinton woulda destroyed the United States all on his own. We turned into a country of corrupt, drug-using, homo-loving, Internet addicted adulterers. Clinton couldn't even find a good war to keep the military sharp! And so America followed the "president's" lead and curled up in front of with a pile of cocaine and a chubby Jewess. Oh, sure, every now and again someone would question whether this policy of tune-in, turn-on and drop-out was wise but as soon as they started to get the message to the general public, Hellery's squad of lesbian domestic terrorists quickly killed the messenger. Our military, once full of proud, strong, manly MEN ready to jump on a grenade to save a regiment or romance a girl at a USO canteen, deteriorated to a nest of leather-clad S&M homos taking pictures of themselves engaged in the most vile acts ever imaginable.
Forced homo sex was common during "President" Clinton's term.
President Bush made it a top priority to stop homo sex in the military.
Our intelligence agencies fell apart, too. Under a Republican president, the FBI and the CIA woulda seen this coming down the pike and quickly moved to stop it. Instead, they were used to cover up TravelGate, find whores for the "president", start trouble in Africa and investigate and terrorize godly people and organizations like The Army of God.

Maybe they did it just cuz by the end of the Clinton "presidency" America had a great big sign on its back that said "Kick me".
At the end of "President" Clinton's administration, much
of the world thought that America, once proud and strong
had become a joke.
So on 9/11/01, they did.

Have you ever banged your funny bone? Y'all probably know that it ain't a bone and it ain't funny. It stings real bad and your arm feels kinda paralyzed and you wonder if your gonna be able to use it again but a couple of seconds later it's good as new. That's the whole of the effect that 9/11 had on America. We got stung, but not for long and we are back and kicking towelhead butt all over the Middle East! There was a lot of people who wanted America to live in a perpetual state of fear - they wanted the terrorists to win. But like Ronald Reagan - we don't got nothing to fear except fear!
Today, the dumbo-crats focus on the past. What could have been done to prevent it? How could it have happened? Why didn't President Bush stop it? Who was behind it all? And most important - how do we make this President Bush's fault? That kinda thing is called living in the past and it don't do no one no good. We gotta saying from where I come from - Whenever you point a finger, you got three fingers pointing back atcha. Lie-beral would do well to remember that before they open their big, fat, foul, lying, deceitful, slanderous, traitorous anti-American mouths.
The four pointing fingers of the lie-beral defeato-crat will never beat
the four points of the cross on which our savior was crucifed or even
the Holy Trinity of Father, Son and Holy Ghost. When will they understand
Instead, let's take this time to reflect on the good things and be proud of America!

Stock Market - When the stock market opened again on 9/17 it had fallen 684 points to 8920. At the end of the week it fell to 7551. Where is it now? Lemme tell you, it was higher when President Bush was president ! You towelheads wanna try to destroy our economy? Nice try, God-haters! I'm sure the lie-berals will find something bad about that.
Jobs - Since 2003, 8,000,000 new jobs got created. That's 8,000,000 new jobs. 8,000,000 of 'em! That's no small number. Since the election of a commie muslim president, the job numbers have done nothing but go down. Why ain't nobody making this connection? Thousands of kids found a new and fulfilling career in the United States Military. Military service is one of the first things that an employer looks for when they hand you a job application to fill out. These boys got a jump on everyone else! With Barack HUSSEIN Obama trying to put the army out of bidness, employment's gonna keep falling.

Security - Sometimes you need a catastrophe to point out the weak spots. During Katrina we found out that Negroes would rather spend their money on frivolous entertainment than on good reliable transportation. Now that we know that, we can start teaching them the need for having a car. With 9/11, we learned that "President" Clinton's "don't ask don't tell" policy also applied to policing the border. Anyone and everyone could just waltz on into the US regardless of their intent to destroy it. The fact that the FAA, under "President" Clinton's allowed deadly weapons on board airplanes points out just how badly the country was run. Whole cosmetic cases full of potential WMDs flew unchecked. Why do you think the favorite shampoo of terrorists was "Head and Shoulders"? How many phone calls from Buffalo to Baghdad went unchecked that updated Saddam on the sinister and ultimately unsuccessful plot to destroy America?

Morals - Some quick points to consider. Since 9/11
  • Islam is no longer considered as a "peaceful" religion. This has caused many former Islams to find Jesus Christ as their personal savior. This might never have happened without 9/11.
  • The fight against homo marriage intensified with many states passing anti-homo-marriage laws. A lotta folks see this as a return to God teaching from Genesis on that marriage is between a man and a woman.
  • The number of abortions since 9/11 steadily decreased. Americans understand that if we are to win this thing then every man will be needed and killing pre-borns is not only a sin against God but anti-American, too.

There's literally hundreds of thousands of examples of how our country took the lemons of 9/11 and made sweet, tasty lemonade that even Grandma would be proud to sip in the shade of a tree on a hot summer day.

So on this 9/11 Day, as we pause to honor the memory of the thousands of American men, women and pre-borns killed as the towers crumpled into the streets of Manhattan under the planes of terrorists and the hand of God, let's remember that it took a man of President Bush's stature and vision to bring the United States back from the brink of destruction to a place of almost unheard of prosperity and goodwill.

Are you gonna let a left-handed, commie, socialist, non-US citizen destroy all that? Barak HUSSEIN Obama wants to turn our government into a divisive instrument of partisanship. And that's why we gotta impeach him now!

God Bless America!

God is Love!


Clare said...


Charlotte said...

Pure satirical brilliance!

Anonymous said...

The pictures of jesus over the gay porn made my entire day! Thank you Billy Bob!!

Billy Bob Neck said...

We call that the "Jesus censor" cuz it takes the sin out of the sinful.

God is love!

Unknown Mami said...

I think I might just have to gouge my eyes out.